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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is weird that the PIL are going out xmas eve just as we are arriving?

371 replies

choceyes · 20/12/2011 11:09

Going down to my in-laws on christmas eve. It is a 5 hour journey, so they live quite far away so don't see the kids much (maybe 5/6 times a year). We are going by train with two DCs, 3yrs and 16 months. Will probably be tired by the time we get there. Would have been nice if the in-laws were there to entertain and put at least DS to bed.
Now we don't mind putting them to bed etc, but I'm finding it strange that every year (we have been every year since DS was born, so this is the 4th year), we get there on christmas eve and they go out that evening to see friends.

They really want the kids there (they say) and get upset if it is suggested we don't come down, so I dunno..I find it a bit strange.

We are arriving at about 5pm, and apprently they can't meet us at the train station, which is nearly half an hour walk away, as they will be out already. Can't get a taxi as no car seats with us and there are no black cabs there either ( a small town).

I know they have their own lives and I don't care if they are there or not really as I don't particuarly get on well with them, and I can just crash outon the sofa and watch a film/read a book without having to make small talk.

I just find it a bit strange....AIBU? (totaly prepared to be told I am)

OP posts:
LEttletownofBOFlehem · 20/12/2011 12:35

There's still time to get most of your money back on the train tickets, minus an admin fee. I say fuck 'em, don't go.

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 12:37

You knew your child screamed during car journeys - any car journey , even short cab rides. Yet you chose to spend a month in rural France on holiday just a few months ago? Hmm
That's hardly the sort of holiday I'd book if I knew car travel was a problem.

tethersjinglebellend · 20/12/2011 12:38

Grin at the DEMANDS to know why they went on holiday in a car. Last year.

JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 12:38

I thought it was rude of them on Page1, I still think it's rude. Rudey Rudesters.

hocuspontas · 20/12/2011 12:38

It would have to be a REALLY good reason for me to travel that far on Christmas Eve by public transport with crying dcs. A dying relative or our own house burnt down maybe. Can't think of anything else.

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 20/12/2011 12:39

The holiday is water under the bridge now, but Christmas isn't. What's so bad about staying at home?

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 12:40

ViviPrudolf - Thanks, thats a lovely post! It would indeed cause a massive hooha, if we were to bow out now. Also we are going to my parents for 3 days too, who live down there (there as in down south..about an hour away). So it would cause a lot of resentment and tension if we went to my parents house but not theirs.

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 12:42

callmemrs - Very well put again. Big high five to ya.

Op all we are saying is that maybe you are trying to hard to accomodate everything on behlaf of the kids, may be the PIL see this is molly coddling and precious, so they leave you to your unreasonable behaviour.

I don't think the stay is that be when you prefer to go their rather than a lonly Chrsitmas with just you, husband and 2 children.

JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 12:42

Also, some people can't imagine not having a car. It simply is not necessary for everyone. Really.

MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 12:43

What does your husband think about it all?

tethersjinglebellend · 20/12/2011 12:44

How is it unreasonable and precious to travel for four hours across the country with two small children on Christmas eve?

The selfish bastards.

JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 12:44

MRSpoc. Even if that is true, they are behaving in a rude, passive-aggressive manner. I'm sure my PIL and parents don't approve of everything I do with my children. They still mind their manners though

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 12:47

callmers - we didn't know that DD was so sensitive to car journies, till we were actually on holiday. Does that answer your rather tiresome questions? When I've repeated again and again we hardly use a car, so it is not a problem for us? Please stop with the queastion re cars..it's not an issue for us.

Or accept that you have a child who is traumatised by car travel and continue to allow it to rule all your arrangements.
Thing is we don't use a car 99% of the time. So it does not impact on our lives at all. The holiday was a mistake. Live and learn.

OP posts:
blackteaplease · 20/12/2011 12:47

Sounds like a lot of travelling if you are then shifting to someone else's house for another 3 days. I would put my foot down in future.

Ignore the resentment, why don't you propose alternating between staying at home, going to your parents and going to In-laws? That way you only have to put up with this every three years? You need to get the conservation in early though and not wait until the week before Christmas!

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 12:47

Tethers- holiday wasnt last year- it was this summer.
Op has 2 children- 3 years and 16 months. It was the ds who she had the Xmas dinner issue with 2 christmases ago- ergo, ds must be the older one. The dd is the one who ruined the France holiday- therefore must be this summer just gone Smile

tethersjinglebellend · 20/12/2011 12:48

callmemrs, it's the end of Dec- last summer was what I meant, heartfelt apologies for any confusion.

MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 12:49

JamieComeHome - how are they? I cannot see it at all.

? So they have prior arrangements that have happened for years. Op already knows about it.
? They will not pick them up due to the above, they have had plenty of notice. They are not stuck at all. there are many options open to them, walk the 1.5 mile journey, pre book a taxi with car seat or just jump in a taxi with no car seat.
? Carried on eating when Op took a child for a 15 minute walk
? They went for a walk after dinner but did not wait for Op due to the above.

I am struggling to see why they are out of order.

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 12:51

FWIW, my DH remembers only too well when he was a child, his brother who was a baby (11 year gap between them), would cry and scream the entire way from the south to the lake district in the car. His parents wanted to go to the lakes so, his brother had to put up with it. He doesn't want this for our DCs. (this is NOT the reason why we dont' have a car btw, before I get attacked that I am letting my DCs rule our lives)

OP posts:
mumto2andnomore · 20/12/2011 12:52

I wouldnt mind my PIL going out but I think they could have offered a lift from the station and gone out later.

How are you taking the childrens presents ? Im picturing a lot of luggage !

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 20/12/2011 12:53

It might not be that the car is awful but that she is not used to car seats so being strapped in feels strange to her

viviprudolf good post

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 12:53

dd is the one who ruined the France holiday

haha! as she will be known from now on!!

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 12:53

FWIW, my DH remembers only too well when he was a child, his brother who was a baby (11 year gap between them), would cry and scream the entire way from the south to the lake district in the car. His parents wanted to go to the lakes so, his brother had to put up with it. He doesn't want this for our DCs. (this is NOT the reason why we dont' have a car btw, before I get attacked that I am letting my DCs rule our lives)

Sounds like PIL have the right idea.

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 12:54

Op- no doubt this is another tiresome question... But were you expecting the inlaws to pick up one adult and your ds while the other adult walked with the dd as she can't do car journeys? Tbh I can see why you would expect them to rearrange their plans to go out when they can't actually bring you all back anyway! And what about a car seat for the older child? Or did you expect the inlaws to pick up the luggage from the station while you all walked?? 3 days isn't exactly huge amounts of luggage.
An genuinely intrigued as to what exactly you wanted them around at 5pm for!

Serenitysutton · 20/12/2011 12:55

I agree with Suszanne Linder. You probably feel like a guest but your Dh is going HOME. i still think of my parents house as my home and wouldn't hesitate to do what I fancied there with or without them, just as I did all those years at home.

I don't like my ILs so would also be pissed off at this BTW, just because everything they do annoys me.

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 12:57

well MrSpoc - sounds like we have differnt parenting styles. We shall agree to disagree there if you don't mind.

OP posts: