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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is weird that the PIL are going out xmas eve just as we are arriving?

371 replies

choceyes · 20/12/2011 11:09

Going down to my in-laws on christmas eve. It is a 5 hour journey, so they live quite far away so don't see the kids much (maybe 5/6 times a year). We are going by train with two DCs, 3yrs and 16 months. Will probably be tired by the time we get there. Would have been nice if the in-laws were there to entertain and put at least DS to bed.
Now we don't mind putting them to bed etc, but I'm finding it strange that every year (we have been every year since DS was born, so this is the 4th year), we get there on christmas eve and they go out that evening to see friends.

They really want the kids there (they say) and get upset if it is suggested we don't come down, so I dunno..I find it a bit strange.

We are arriving at about 5pm, and apprently they can't meet us at the train station, which is nearly half an hour walk away, as they will be out already. Can't get a taxi as no car seats with us and there are no black cabs there either ( a small town).

I know they have their own lives and I don't care if they are there or not really as I don't particuarly get on well with them, and I can just crash outon the sofa and watch a film/read a book without having to make small talk.

I just find it a bit strange....AIBU? (totaly prepared to be told I am)

OP posts:
LadyClariceCannockMonty · 20/12/2011 12:57

Oh, stop hoisting your bosoms because the OP doesn't have a car, everyone.

OP, your PILs clearly have the same arrangements every year, and if you'd discussed the trip in advance you'd probably have been able to sort out your arrival time to work a bit better. But I don't think it's a huge deal. If you're not likely to have a great Christmas and Boxing Day with them, seize the opportunity to have a nice Christmas Eve in peace to bolster you!

And do Christmas at home in future if you can't be arsed with the in-laws. I bet Christmas with the four of you would be lovely.

sweetsantababy · 20/12/2011 12:58

It sounds a bit much to me, a five hour train journey, a 30 mintue walk in the cold with two small DCs and inlaws won't even be there. Hmm Next year knock it on the head, if you are travelling by train, what do you do with the DC's presents?

ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 12:58

That's unfair, callmemrs. Of course there will be a lot of luggage - the OP has said she's going on to see her own mum later.

Don't you think after a long journey it would be nice for the hosts to greet you with a) a lift and b) a hot meal and c) help putting the kids to bed?

The OP is not unreasonable wanting that.

crunchbag · 20/12/2011 12:59

I am with MrSpoc, you are making a big problem out of nothing. You know the PIL are not there so book a taxi with car seats today or walk.

And walking out during a meal to settle a child sounds rude to me.

sweetsantababy · 20/12/2011 12:59

FWIW I would only just consider this with my 10 and 7 year old.

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 13:00

callmers - I don't know to be honest. We've not even given it much though till last night DH was talking to his dad and he said he can't meet us at the train station as they will be out. I suppose we thought they could take DS in the car plus all the luggage and me, DH and DD could walk. but like you said they can't pick us all up so, I wasn't really that bothered with them not coming to the station anyway.

OP posts:
tethersjinglebellend · 20/12/2011 13:01

Yeah, get yourself to the empty house of your hosts after a five hour journey with small children and a load of Christmas presents, you selfish, selfish bastards.

Honestly, what a sense of entitlement. I blame the EU.

sweetsantababy · 20/12/2011 13:03

Are you for real crunchbag? Of course its not rude to leave the table with a child that needs attending to! or should Dcs be seen and not heard?

think choceyes there is more to it really. PIL seem pretty darn selfish.

sweetsantababy · 20/12/2011 13:03

Grin at tethers

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 13:04

Right- simple question.
Let's suppose you could wave a magic wand and the inlaws change their plans and are available at 5pm

What do you want them to do?
Pick up one adult and 3 yr old while other adult walks with car phobic 16 month old? Oh hang on- you won't have a car seat. So do you expect them to pick up the luggage while you all walk??

Seeing as one child can't tolerate car travel, it seems a bit of a hassle for you to bring your 3 year olds car seat on the train just for a short car journey the other end, bearing in mind 3 year olds these days have to be in proper car seats not just a booster. Surely walking from the station is the easier option!

blackteaplease · 20/12/2011 13:05

Re the travelling - we also went to france this summer and dd screamed for any journey over two hours. It was horrible, but won't stop us doing it again, we will break the journeys down a bit more this time though. Also, when I was young we (mum, dad, two bros and sis) drove to Germany and I vommed the entire way through Europe. Didn't stop us going again either, although nobody wanted to sit next to me.

Choceyes - your PIL don't sound that bad to me. There must be other issues going on here.

Last Xmas dd and I had flu and I abandoned my dinner and took her off to bed to get her to sleep and fell asleep myself. No-one batted an eyelid and carried on eating, my dinner was covered up for me to eat when I got round to it.

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 20/12/2011 13:05

Choceyes- what do YOU want to do?

RealLifeIsForWimps · 20/12/2011 13:05

I kind of agree that your PIL's are being a bit "off", given that you've come 5 hours on the train on Christmas Eve, but I really don't understand why you're even contemplating the 30 min walk when you can just get a taxi. That's where I think you're exacerbating a shitty situation for no apparent reason. DD might scream but it's going to be a 5 min journey max. Pre-book or get PIL's to pre-book for you. Otherwise, if it's raining it will be awful.

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 13:06

You know the PIL are not there so book a taxi with car seats today or walk.

Like I said before we can walk. It is not a big deal. And yes I can imagine that walking out of a meal to take DS out for a walk, would have seemed rude at the time. Just saying that, if it were my parents they would have been really sympathetic and my dad would have probably offered to take DS out for a walk himself. My family are very child centric, so it is different ways of parenting and different family dynamics I guess. Also they wouldn't have blanked my DH if he chose to wake DS for a walk even if it seemed rude at the time. They are just more relaxed about things.

OP posts:
blackteaplease · 20/12/2011 13:07

You can definitely avoid all of this mess by talking to your in-laws in advance next year.

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 13:08

My PIL have one car seat. Usually used by DS when we go down.

OP posts:
LEttletownofBOFlehem · 20/12/2011 13:09

You woke the child up to go for a walk in the middle of dinner?

God, I thought you meant you'd left the table due to fractious crying and got him out of everybody's hair.

Erm, gosh, that's odd.

crunchbag · 20/12/2011 13:09

sweetsantababy the OP went for a walk outside, yes I consider that rude especially as neither OP or the others knew how long it would take to settle the child, she could have been gone for hours for all you know.

Getting up to see to a child upstairs or elsewhere in the room, fine, going out for a walk, rude. IMO

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 20/12/2011 13:11

Ah, hang on, I misread that, and thought I saw the word 'waking'. As you were.

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 20/12/2011 13:11

sorry, I don't think she was rude - she didn't wake the child, it is a typing error. The child was unwell and fractious so she took him for a walk to get him to go to sleep. I honestly don't see why that was wrong. How rude of his grandparents to care so little for him and his mother!

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 13:12

blackteaplease - they are not very good at discussing them. If you even start disagreeing with them and say what you want to do instead, they (well my MIL really) sulks and stops the conversation.

hmm why am I going through this again?? Even my DH doesn't want to go.

OP posts:
callmemrs · 20/12/2011 13:12

Do you take all the Xmas pressies on the train??!
Honest to god I would hire a car and buy earplugs. Or stay home. Why do you go through this ordeal?!

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 20/12/2011 13:12

Oh, I did: "chose to wake DS for a walk". Confused

Do you realise how strange that is?

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 13:12

well it's neither here nor there for him, he hasn't got an aversion to his family, just that they irritate him if spending a lot of time with them.

OP posts:
ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 13:13

Good question, LittleTown

I wonder how many of us on here are posting with our own circs in mind? I admit I am. My PILs are awful and I've vetoed Christmas with them for the last 5 years. I'm recognise I may be taking what the OP says about her PILs and projecting mine onto them.

Those who are saying that they don't sound too bad, are you MiLs yourself/lucky people who enjoy good relations with PiLs?

FWIW, I usually see PiL/DiL issues from both sides, having 'orrible PiLs but an equally 'orrible SiL (brother's wife) who has been a rotter to my Mum.

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