Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is weird that the PIL are going out xmas eve just as we are arriving?

371 replies

choceyes · 20/12/2011 11:09

Going down to my in-laws on christmas eve. It is a 5 hour journey, so they live quite far away so don't see the kids much (maybe 5/6 times a year). We are going by train with two DCs, 3yrs and 16 months. Will probably be tired by the time we get there. Would have been nice if the in-laws were there to entertain and put at least DS to bed.
Now we don't mind putting them to bed etc, but I'm finding it strange that every year (we have been every year since DS was born, so this is the 4th year), we get there on christmas eve and they go out that evening to see friends.

They really want the kids there (they say) and get upset if it is suggested we don't come down, so I dunno..I find it a bit strange.

We are arriving at about 5pm, and apprently they can't meet us at the train station, which is nearly half an hour walk away, as they will be out already. Can't get a taxi as no car seats with us and there are no black cabs there either ( a small town).

I know they have their own lives and I don't care if they are there or not really as I don't particuarly get on well with them, and I can just crash outon the sofa and watch a film/read a book without having to make small talk.

I just find it a bit strange....AIBU? (totaly prepared to be told I am)

OP posts:
ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 11:39

Sorry, callme, this thread is obviously touching a nerve and I'm forgetting my manners Smile

NotJustForClassic · 20/12/2011 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 11:45

Like I said before, we are travelling down at that time, as it concides with DD's naptime. It will make things easier for us.
We do have car seats as we hire a car sometimes, but we live in a city centre, so we don't own a car. And we really really don't want to drive down on christmas eve with two kids in a car who aren't used to it. Especially DD, she will scream in the car unless she is asleep. That would be hellish. There could be traffic problems. There might me snow and ice. More likely to affect travelling by car than by train. Train is the easier option for us anyway.

We are not reliant on them. I'm not upset at them not being able to pick us up. They only have one car seat anyway. So one of us would have to walk with one child, probably DD in a sling. I just hoped they'd take one child and the luggage in a car. But it's not a problem if they can't. We can walk, it's not a big deal.

OP posts:
SusanneLinder · 20/12/2011 11:46

Of course, IMO, there are guests and there are FAMILY. Guests are attended to, waited on and get my best hostessing skills.

Family, on the other hand, come in the door without knocking, stick the kettle on, help themselves to whats in the fridge, and generally just chill like it is their second home.Especially my grown up daughter,her DH and my grandson.Maybe that's how the inlaws look at it.Just a thought.

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 11:46

Sorry - I read that they have already bought train tickets but missed any reference to why they don't drive down

IMO that is the key issue. With your own transport, you have control. You can decide when to arrive, depart, and can escape for time out when needed. FWIW we used to find staying with the inlaws very stressful when we were first together and could not afford a car. We would arrive by national express coach and then be totally reliant on them all week. Once we had our own car it transformed visits.

I am just a little confused because the op refers to their car seats which suggests they have a car but it seems this Xmas trip is always done by train. If they don't have their own car it really might be worth thinking of hiring one in future. I can think of few things worse than a 5 hour journey on the train with two young kids and then being beholden to the inlaws for getting out anywhere the whole time

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 11:47

Ok cross posts there! I still think hiring is the preferable option. Why would your child scream at being in a car?

CailinDana · 20/12/2011 11:48

TBH I think you're being a mug. They're treating you like shit and you're letting them. What does your DH think about it? Didn't he wait for you the year when you had to take DS out for a walk? If I saw my DH getting up to go out, leaving me to eat on my own I'd rip his head off!

FluffyMummy123 · 20/12/2011 11:48

Oh come ON. Taxi firms have cat seats.
Really.
I'd not go tbh. Or time it differently. Kids survive you know. The whole description of your journey makes you look angsty. " it may be this it may be that"
Man up a bit. Or don't go

FluffyMummy123 · 20/12/2011 11:49

Cat seats AND car seats

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 20/12/2011 11:50

absolutely agree CailinDana

FluffyMummy123 · 20/12/2011 11:50

Everyone knows cats need seats in cars. To help them reach the pedals.

NotJustForClassic · 20/12/2011 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladyintheradiator · 20/12/2011 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FluffyMummy123 · 20/12/2011 11:52

Yes. Be I'll.

I think the ils are swingers.

SusanneLinder · 20/12/2011 11:53

So you can't drive or travel earlier to suit your kids, but you are asking if it's unreasonable that your PILS aren't changing their plans to suit yours.Confused

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 11:53

Because she just does!! We were in france for a month this summer and totally reliant on a car as it was in a rural area. Totally ruined it for us, as we couldn't go anywhere without DD crying whenever she was put in the car. We had to time all journies for her sleep times. and sometimes we had to do journies which took longer than she was capable of napping and the rest of the time I had to sit in the back, entertaining her to stop her from crying, or juggling her on my lap (I know, not good getting her out of the car seat but, otherwise she would scream and vomit). She is not a good traveller! Even cries in a black cab!

OP posts:
Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 11:54

sorry I'm a slow typer it seems.lots of xposted. that was in reponse to callmemrs.

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 11:55

No sympathy at all. Sounds like you have arranged all your travel around your children knowing full well what your inlaws have planed, year on year.

You went down a day earlier last time, why not again this time?

FluffyMummy123 · 20/12/2011 11:56

Fecking Nora. Buy a car

tethersjinglebellend · 20/12/2011 11:56

Time to forge your own traditions. Such as staying at home.

I reckon one of the kids is looking a bit peaky.

You could always invite them to yours...

MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 11:57

If its a 30 minute walk then thats 1,1/2 mile walk. not too bad if you have a push chair.

Also most if not all reputable taxi's have child seats now, call up and book or you can travel in a taxi without a child seat.

tethersjinglebellend · 20/12/2011 11:57

Arf at swingers Grin

Are they the Krankies?

SantasENormaSnob · 20/12/2011 11:59

I wouldn't go.

CailinDana · 20/12/2011 12:00

I don't get why two able bodied people would expect a couple to travel to them for five hours with two small children. In your position I'd be expecting them to come to me. I'm definitely not travelling for Christmas until DS is at least 8 or 9 (and even then I'll probably find some other excuse not to!)

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 12:00

So you can't drive or travel earlier to suit your kids, but you are asking if it's unreasonable that your PILS aren't changing their plans to suit yours.

That doesn't make any sense to me. Ofcourse I'd want to travel at a time that suits my kids. I'd rather do that than travel at a time that suits my inlaws....sorry I don't udnerstand your point.
And it suits me fine that they are not there, like I said before. It just seems weird to me that they won't be there to greet the kids.
Maybe it's not so weird, as they have these plans on christmas eve. It's OK, I just wanted to gauge whether anybody else thought this was a strange thing.

OP posts: