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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think it is weird that the PIL are going out xmas eve just as we are arriving?

371 replies

choceyes · 20/12/2011 11:09

Going down to my in-laws on christmas eve. It is a 5 hour journey, so they live quite far away so don't see the kids much (maybe 5/6 times a year). We are going by train with two DCs, 3yrs and 16 months. Will probably be tired by the time we get there. Would have been nice if the in-laws were there to entertain and put at least DS to bed.
Now we don't mind putting them to bed etc, but I'm finding it strange that every year (we have been every year since DS was born, so this is the 4th year), we get there on christmas eve and they go out that evening to see friends.

They really want the kids there (they say) and get upset if it is suggested we don't come down, so I dunno..I find it a bit strange.

We are arriving at about 5pm, and apprently they can't meet us at the train station, which is nearly half an hour walk away, as they will be out already. Can't get a taxi as no car seats with us and there are no black cabs there either ( a small town).

I know they have their own lives and I don't care if they are there or not really as I don't particuarly get on well with them, and I can just crash outon the sofa and watch a film/read a book without having to make small talk.

I just find it a bit strange....AIBU? (totaly prepared to be told I am)

OP posts:

OriginalJamie · 20/12/2011 18:04

You called?

Actually, I've left a meal, with apology, to tend to a fractious baby. And the hosts (my parents, my PIL) understood. Because they are child centred^

OriginalJamie · 20/12/2011 18:06

damn. That would have had so much more impact if all the italics had worked

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 18:11

Ah but Jamie were you affronted that everyone else carried on with their meal?? The op expressed surprise that they didn't all sit there waiting for her to come back lol.

OriginalJamie · 20/12/2011 18:12

no. I did not. I'm not a complete sociopath

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 18:16

What on earth are you insinuating about the OP Jamie?

Haziedoll · 20/12/2011 19:02

But FatGoose surely it was better to leave than have the baby screaming in everyones earholes? x

KitchenandJumble · 20/12/2011 19:02

I do think it's quite odd and a bit rude not to be present to welcome one's guests. But I also wouldn't expect the in-laws to do a spot of free baby-sitting either. If they offer, that's one thing, but I don't think they are obliged to do so.

As for the arrangements re: arrival. If you mind walking to the in-laws' house, why not just take a taxi for five minutes without carseats? If you held your DD on your lap in the car in France, how would this situation be any different?

Haziedoll · 20/12/2011 19:03

Sorry for the random x I'm mining in-between texting and my sil expects kisses at the end of her texts

Haziedoll · 20/12/2011 19:05

I'm not actually mining either. Silly iPhone..,

PercyFilth · 20/12/2011 19:48

I don't get what this is all about at all. The OP & family are staying for 3 days, so it's not as if a single evening is crucial. If OP was arriving on the day before Xmas Eve, as they have apparently done before, there would presumably be no issue. However, the in-laws have been invited to a social engagement, why should they have to miss out? They have 2 more days to spend with OP & family.

OP says I don't care if they are there or not really as I don't particuarly get on well with them, and I can just crash outon the sofa and watch a film/read a book without having to make small talk.

So what are you moaning about?

It is unfortunate that they cannot pick OP up from station, but it is simple enough to book a taxi. If, as OP says, they don't mind walking it, I can't see why she's complaining.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 20/12/2011 20:03

Join the club Percy. Sounds like a huge hoo-ha over nothing at all. Neither side wants to change what they do, so live with it.

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 20:14

This thread has made me chuckle so much I looked back through it. Had forgotten that when the op left the table to take her ds for a walk two Christmases ago, when she returned, she was pissed off that the rest of the family had finished their dinner and were - shock horror! - setting off for a walk!!! Talk about one rule for one....

Original poster

choceyes · 20/12/2011 20:26

By the time I got back (took about 15 mins in the end), everybody had finished lunch and was putting on their coats on to go out for a walk. I had to eat christmas lunch sat at the table on my own. MIL expected me to keep DS at the table even if he was ill, so that her lunch would go accordinly to plan. and she didn't talk to me for the rest of the day.

I wasn't pissed off that their finished their dinner. I never said that. I woudn't expect them to have waited for me and eat a reheated dinner or a cold dinner. What I was pissed off was about was that they just walked out of the house without even asking me how DS was or even acknowledging me. They could have sat with me at the table while I ate my dinner? Dessert was served after their walk.

Percy - I am not moaning about anything. I was asking if I was being unresonable in thinking it was strange that the in-laws won't be there to greet us when we've made the effort to travel down. I know we can take a taxi or walk, that is not the issue. Sorry if my OP made than unclear.

OP posts:

hocuspontas · 20/12/2011 20:33

Your dh would have asked how ds was and would sit with you so maybe they thought they didn't have to.

PercyFilth · 20/12/2011 20:35

OK, well - No, I don't think it's strange that they won't be there "to greet you". Not if they have arranged to do something special. If they are going somewhere with friends, then the timing is probably not up to them. C'est la vie.

You say you've "made the effort" to travel, they otoh are "making the effort" to accommodate and feed you all for three days.

Original poster

choceyes · 20/12/2011 20:37

Anyway DH spoke to them again and they say they dont' ahve to leave till 6pm. And they are going to pick up DS and all the luggage so will make it a bit easier to get there.

Sounds like a huge hoo-ha over nothing at all

it is really. I didn't expect to be given the third degree and having to justify my whole lifestyle to certain posters. otherwise this thread would have been much shorter!

OP posts:

agedknees · 20/12/2011 21:35

Don't know why everyone is being mean to the OP. If my dd had done a 5 hour train journey with two small dc, no way would I not be there to pick them up from the train station.

It's Christmas, be happy.

GeorgeEliot · 20/12/2011 22:19

Haven't read the whole thread, but wonder whether the OP consulted the PILs about what time they would like them to arrive?

anonacfr · 21/12/2011 22:16

YADNBU.

In the OP's shoes I would be pissed off not that her ILs are going out but that they are letting their son his wife and his toddler kids walk half an hour in the dark and the cold when it would take them less than that to do the round trip to the station to pick up the bulk of the luggage and 1 of the children and then walk down the road to their party.

And regarding the Xmas dinner and the sick baby you can't have it both way. If the attitude is 'not guests but family therefore everything goes' why should the ILs object to the sick baby being looked after by his mother? The OP mentions her MIL ignored her ALL DAY because of it . So much for grandmotherly concern!!
I'm sorry but the ILs seem v selfish.

PercyFilth · 21/12/2011 23:48

But they ARE picking them up from the station.

anonacfr · 22/12/2011 03:06

They are now.

I was replying to the original OP. For some reason the consensus seemed to be that poor PILs shouldn't have their social ruined by a selfish Xmas-hating DIL who wants the world to revolve around her and her spoilt children.

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