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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is weird that the PIL are going out xmas eve just as we are arriving?

371 replies

choceyes · 20/12/2011 11:09

Going down to my in-laws on christmas eve. It is a 5 hour journey, so they live quite far away so don't see the kids much (maybe 5/6 times a year). We are going by train with two DCs, 3yrs and 16 months. Will probably be tired by the time we get there. Would have been nice if the in-laws were there to entertain and put at least DS to bed.
Now we don't mind putting them to bed etc, but I'm finding it strange that every year (we have been every year since DS was born, so this is the 4th year), we get there on christmas eve and they go out that evening to see friends.

They really want the kids there (they say) and get upset if it is suggested we don't come down, so I dunno..I find it a bit strange.

We are arriving at about 5pm, and apprently they can't meet us at the train station, which is nearly half an hour walk away, as they will be out already. Can't get a taxi as no car seats with us and there are no black cabs there either ( a small town).

I know they have their own lives and I don't care if they are there or not really as I don't particuarly get on well with them, and I can just crash outon the sofa and watch a film/read a book without having to make small talk.

I just find it a bit strange....AIBU? (totaly prepared to be told I am)

OP posts:
DharmaLovesDracosbaubles · 20/12/2011 14:47

In fairness to the OP though you don't know until you've tried it, I was worried before we did it that it would be boring because I was used to having my Christmas a certain way - the op hasn't said it will be boring, she's just worried it might be, and I think suggesting she has problems because of that is rude.

Though for me I'd take a quieter Christmas over a 4-5 hour journey, with toddlers, to see people who can't even be arsed to be there when we arrived, but that's just me!

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 14:48

I agree with the poster who said the arrival is probably the high point. Pick yourselves up a couple of bottles from the offie on your way from the station. Get the kids off to bed, sit back and enjoy. Or shag each other senseless while the inlaws are out.
It'll all be downhill once they're back by the sounds of things

DharmaLovesDracosbaubles · 20/12/2011 14:51

well you did call her 'it' Grin no to be fair I didn't mean you Bemy - people have attacked her parenting/lack of car/need to please and all sorts, I was being tongue in cheek with my comment about "the ones who clearly bugger off out when they have people over to stay" I have been known to go out when my parents come over (3hrs away) but never when they have just arrived, very bad mannered and if they did the same to me I'd think they couldn't be arsed to see me or the kids.

JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 14:53

Yes, shag senseless and make sure you are still shagging when they come back from their party. They may never invite you back. Problem solved.

ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 14:53
Xmas Grin
DharmaLovesDracosbaubles · 20/12/2011 14:55
Xmas Grin
Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 14:59

Yes, shag senseless and make sure you are still shagging when they come back from their party. They may never invite you back. Problem solved.

Thanks Love it!

callmemrs - It will prob be a boring christmas just us 4 because, I am not from a family that celebrates christmas, so I don't really go out of my way to hang out decs, do all the traditional stuff, cook a traditional meal etc - especially when the DCs are young and wont' appreciate it. I will be doing this when they are older, and can even help me with this.
So as our home is not going to be that festive, I thought the DCs might enjoy being at the GPs, who do celebrate christmas and does all the associated stuff, thus also relieving me from having to do stuff as well. Selfish..me?!

OP posts:
bemybebe · 20/12/2011 14:59
Xmas Grin
JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 15:00

Oh God OP - you've just dug another hole ......

Quick, run away !!!!!!!

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 15:03

Have to disagree vehemently there op. on a serious note, I think a 3 yr old can be hugely involved in the excitement of a family Xmas, helping. Decorate the tree, helping cook Xmas treats, hanging up stockings, leaving out a mince pie for father christmas. Even a 16 month old will pick up on what's going on. It's how family traditions are made. I do think it's very sad that you seem to feel your children can't enjoy that (or rather you cant enjoy it with them) until they are older

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 15:03
OP posts:
Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 15:05

Don't be very sad for me Callmemrs. It's Ok we will survive and my children will have a happy life. I certainly did, and we didn't even celebrate christmas EVER in my family Smile

OP posts:
bemybebe · 20/12/2011 15:07

"GPs, who do celebrate christmas and does all the associated stuff, thus also relieving me from having to do stuff as well."

precisely the reason why we always go to IL for Xmas. I would never be able to host 16 for a family Xmas dinner... although I do help throughout the day as I am asked, it is still nothing in comparison to the 48hr marathon MIL does! (plus all the family is abroad)

we arrive after 7-8hr often to an empty house, but that is fine, because it is a FAMILY and we don't care about the politesse

mrsjay · 20/12/2011 15:07

Next christmas stay at home I would , I know they are entitled to their life but they could stay in and see you all , dont go next year let them visit you ,

bemybebe · 20/12/2011 15:08

"as I am asked" meaning doing what I am told
sorry, english is not my first language Blush

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 15:10

neither it is mine bemybebe Smile

OP posts:
bemybebe · 20/12/2011 15:11

just trying to find an excuse for poor spelling and grammar! failing obviously

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 15:15

Not sad for you op- sad for your children that you don't seem to see it as worth celebrating Xmas when it's just your family, yet presumably see some value in celebrating it as you make such an effort to get to the inlaws to do it!

Absolutely nothing wrong with choosing not to celebrate it (Buddhists - which you mentioned your family are- are among some of the most contented and fulfilled people by many measurements). But how odd to choose not to celebrate it but then feel your children should be taken to the inlaws to... Erm... Celebrate it!

ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 15:15

Lovely Christmas spirit being shown here.

MrSpoc - you are a bully.

The OP is remaining perfectly calm (I don't know how) and stating that it's not too much to ask for her in laws to be at home when they arrive on Christmas Eve. That's not unreasonable, is it? It's clear the in laws would be annoyed if they didn't visit, yet they're not in when they do visit.

What's the problem with the car? The OP doesn't have a car - why are people getting so angry about that?

One thing I asked earlier up the thread though, OP - will your in laws leave nice food and a bottle of wine for you?

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 20/12/2011 15:21

I gave up reading after a while. It's simple. You are being totally immovable and are doing things exactly the way and to the timings that suit you. Therefore you are being spectacularly unreasonable having a moan at the in laws who are also doing things to suit themselves.

Therefore, the situation, as you describe it, is what you are all stuck with, so you either decide to knock the whole thing on the head, or get on with it and stop whining. It's totally unfair to expect them to change if you won't.

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 15:23

Don't be sad for my children either Callmemrs. They are happy and content. Especially as they are not being left to cry in cars and being ignored by me having put ear plugs on to drown out the noise. Wink

ImperialBlether - yes they tell us to help ourselves to anything in the fridge, which is often well stocked with goodies. And there's always a bottle of wine open.
Like a few people have said I am going to take it as an opportunity to chill out with food and wine and do what the hell I like that evening!

OP posts:
ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 15:23

Good point IP. in all honesty, a bottle of New Zealand, a hunk of well sweated Colston Bassett and the in-laws not present sounds really rather appealing....

MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 15:24

Please explain ImperialBlether. If anthing i have said constitues bullying then fuck off and report it. Simples.

bemybebe · 20/12/2011 15:25

exactly OP, who cares about this old "we have been waiting for you by the gates all day" dance

Original poster
choceyes · 20/12/2011 15:26

Good point IP. in all honesty, a bottle of New Zealand, a hunk of well sweated Colston Bassett and the in-laws not present sounds really rather appealing....

yep sounds good to me! Although my prone to being sulky BIL might be around, so a shagathon might not be on the cards.

OP posts: