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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is weird that the PIL are going out xmas eve just as we are arriving?

371 replies

choceyes · 20/12/2011 11:09

Going down to my in-laws on christmas eve. It is a 5 hour journey, so they live quite far away so don't see the kids much (maybe 5/6 times a year). We are going by train with two DCs, 3yrs and 16 months. Will probably be tired by the time we get there. Would have been nice if the in-laws were there to entertain and put at least DS to bed.
Now we don't mind putting them to bed etc, but I'm finding it strange that every year (we have been every year since DS was born, so this is the 4th year), we get there on christmas eve and they go out that evening to see friends.

They really want the kids there (they say) and get upset if it is suggested we don't come down, so I dunno..I find it a bit strange.

We are arriving at about 5pm, and apprently they can't meet us at the train station, which is nearly half an hour walk away, as they will be out already. Can't get a taxi as no car seats with us and there are no black cabs there either ( a small town).

I know they have their own lives and I don't care if they are there or not really as I don't particuarly get on well with them, and I can just crash outon the sofa and watch a film/read a book without having to make small talk.

I just find it a bit strange....AIBU? (totaly prepared to be told I am)

OP posts:
azazello · 20/12/2011 16:43

So it isn't a plan the Op knew about because they do it every year. Or even necessarily before they booked train tickets. That is the party starting at 8.

I just think its rude to expect someone to travel a long way to see you and not be around at all to see them that evening, especially if they also make a fuss about not seeing their grandchildren very often.

MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 16:47

azazello - technically the Op said that they went out one year at 8.00pm. Not every year at 8.00pm

Also Op has had loads of notice so could of gone earlier.

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 16:48

The ops plans change too. They travelled the day before christmas eve last year. Praps the inlaws didn't know the op had booked tickets for Xmas eve this year when they accepted the invitation. Cuts both ways Xmas Grin

ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 16:50

Prize for the nit-pickiest thread of 2011 goes to........

azazello · 20/12/2011 16:50

Yeah. amd the upshot of it all is that the OP hopefully won't go next year and will have a lovely Christmas at home with her DH and DCs. The only people missing out will be the grandparents.

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 16:55

Why do you assume that azaello? Sounds like the inlaws get on and socialise and make their xmas fun. It's the op who seems to have a mortal fear of doing christmas at home!

MrsCampbellBlack · 20/12/2011 16:57

Oh of course YANBU and people who think you are - well they must be very ungracious hosts.

It doesn't matter if its family - if someone has travelled for 5 hours to stay with you at your insistence - you welcome them.

I do sometimes wonder if I was brought up in some weird universe where being polite and having manners was the norm.

azazello · 20/12/2011 16:58

The grandparents appear to particularly like to see their grandchildren at Christmas. If the op stays at home or just goes to her parents, they won't. hence missing out.

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 17:02

Well, that's a matter of opinion. The op seems to have given every indication that she needs to go to the inlaws as much as they need her. She's worried Xmas in her own home won't be enjoyable (which frankly i find bizarre and a tad offensive to her dh)and her own parents don't celebrate Xmas. Must be something that keeps her going to the inlaws year in year out!

JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 17:03

Manners?

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 17:05

Why on earth would it be bad manners to spend Christmas in her own home with her own family???!

MrsCampbellBlack · 20/12/2011 17:06

Yes manners - you don't invite guests and then not pick them up from the station and leave them on their own. Thats bad manners in my book.

JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 17:07

Because she's clearly a freak with a bad marriage and strange, mollycoddled children. And no car

MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 17:09

There not guests. they are family who are aware of the PIL traditions.

GlueSticksEverywhere · 20/12/2011 17:09

I agree with those saying that maybe you should start making your own traditions. Would you have liked to celebrate Christmas? Do you want that for your children? Do you think you are scared of trying? It seems you are putting all the pressure for it to be great (and the work too) onto your ILs, but YOU are the one (and DH obviously) who should be there doing it for your own little family. If your house isn't that festive it's because you haven't made it so. You don't have to do any naff traditions that annoy you if you don't want to, you will be making your own traditions so can pick and chose. It's madness to go miles and miles to to spend it with people who don't even like you. It sort of sounds as though you are afraid.

(Your dcs were probably unenthusiatic about the stockings because they don't understand what it means yet. They need you to explain it to them and they will soon get excited.)

ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 17:09
ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 17:10

That's a very sensible post, Glue

JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 17:11

Aaargh. Sorry OP, I must leave you here. I fear my wah is getting discombobulated, what with all the forensic nit-picky, victim-blamey, conspiracy, must-be-right-on-all-accounts-love-a-good-argument-sod-the-facts. Ness

LeQueen · 20/12/2011 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 17:12

Thankyou Vivi. I'm a bit damp here. And not in a good way.

JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 17:12

Ah LeQueen's here now. Sock it to 'em.

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 17:13

Too much emotive language there jamie- calm down love

JamieComeHome · 20/12/2011 17:15

Aaargh - you got me! Hoist by me own petard

callmemrs · 20/12/2011 17:15

Exactly gluesticks

Basic child psychology- kids pick up how their parents feel

Op feels unenthusiastic about xmas with her family- kids are going to pick up on it

If op can get over her fear of spending a lovely relaxing Xmas with her nearest and dearest in her own home they could all have a great time!

MrSpoc · 20/12/2011 17:15

i would't worry Jamie, Lequeen always has a balanced and fair view of the facts.

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