about this woman r.e headscarfs?

[boatdeliah]

Okay so this may be my 2nd AIBU in as many days but this happened today and really upset me. But I suddenly thought that maybe I was BU about what I did in response - that maybe I over-reacted.

I had to go into a meeting today for work with another company (a formal sort of meeting - in board room, suits, presentations etc). There was about 6 people in the room.

It was a long meeting and thoughout the first half (we had planned a tea break) the woman from the other company kept looking at me (she is new, I have never met her before and when we were introduced they said that she was a graduate on a training scheme and so had been invited into the meeting)

We break for tea and all stand around chatting as you do. I went to pour myself another drink and she approached me.

Anyway after all the hellos and all she looks around and then says slightly quieter - that she doesn't mean to offend me but me wearing a headscarf offends her and would I mind removing it.

Umm - No. I said that yes I would mind and that I found her request very odd.

We got on with the meeting and she was silent for the rest of it (and kept glancing at me)

When we got back to our office - I phoned up the person incharge of her in her dept (who couldn't be in meeting but whom I know very well). Then emailed that person - CC in their head of HR and the person in charge of graduate schemes in that company, Saying what had happened, what I had said, and what I thought of the request, inappropiateness of it. Basically making a complaint just not making it very formal.
On the phone her manager did ask if I wanted to make it a formal compalint - and I said I didn't want to make a snap decision and I would talk to her on monday, but thought I should raise it. (I do know this manager very very well and for a long time)

DH thinks I should just do whatever I feel is right on Monday.

But sitting hear tonight sans headscarf I've got thinking 'did I over do it?' - she's young and new and would have just an email to her manager been alright, and if this becomes something will i may have ruined something for her, she asked I said no - have I made a mountain out of a mole hill? this company could come down hard on this woman is taht fair because of something I have done?

(I wear a mitpachat/snood thing btw)

we're guessing what this trainee meant was, "I think you're wearing a symbol of female oppression and that offends me". Well, if she'd had the balls to engage in the real issue

I don't think that this is the issue. The issue is simply that she sees cultural difference as "wrong" and that is bad.

I have to cover my boobs up everytime I go out in Britain - even in public swimming pools is that a symbol of female oppression? Just about every culture has its own ideas about what should and shouldn't be covered and often these ideas are different for men and women. Just because we were brought up to think that boobs and pubes should be covered whilst heads are okay left uncovered doesn't actually mean that we are right and that any culture which covers different bits is wrong.

You could be right soggy - like I said, I'm just guessing what was in the trainees mind. But for sure whatever the real issue was, it was not that she found a bit of cloth innately offensive. If she'd attempted to express what she meant more accurately, she'd perhaps have realise 'uh.... I really shouldn't say that to a colleague I don't know anything about'.

Update OP? Actually, the more I think about this, the more I think you should make a formal complaint as if this idiot is inclined to be so rude so early in her career then goodness knows what she will be like if she ever finds herself in a position of any authority. She needs a formal warning and a lesson in work - eve life - etiquette and she needs to understand her behaviour wad totally unnaceptable.

Hey, sorry if this is late in giving an update (we have guests and i havent had a chance to) First off thank you to you all for replying. Well i got a email from the HR woman - usual stuff. And i did talk to the manager that I know on Monday and she told me about this trainee girl - first of saying that a lot was not offical and off record and that she was only telling me some of it the way she did because we know each other very well. Manager ( the one i know) gave her - in her own words - a massive bollocking. She also told me about getting girl to formally apologise (this had already been said in email from HR). I have yet to recieve it but maybe after the holidays. Because of all that i have decided not to make it formal. I feel that all i would get out of it i have already. So thank you all.
Ohh and DH is making me put this bit ( he has read replies on this question) that in wearing my headcovering i surprised myself and certainly DH. That he hates me wearing it and as such we have a very strict Agreement about what type i wear, when i wear different types and when i dont wear one at all. I

I once saw a lady I used to work with wearing a plastic headscarf whilst looking in a shop window. I went upon behind her and sung 'where did you get that hat here did you get that hat' in her ear in a loud jokey voice.

Needless to say it wasn't her :)

YaNbu and I would pursue a formal complaint!! How totally ignorant of her?!