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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take real coffee with me when visiting someone ?

196 replies

Tillyscoutsmum · 13/12/2011 19:27

OK. I accept I am a bit of a coffee snob. I don't drink that much of it but do enjoy a cup in the morning and after meals. I only like proper ground coffee and really can't stomach instant.

So, here is the dilemma. We are visiting someone over Christmas for 5 days. They only have instant coffee. They are fantastic hosts. The food, wine etc. is always lovely (and more importantly, they are generally great company). I do miss a decent cup of coffee though Sad

WIBU to take along our cafetiere and some ground coffee to use whilst we are there or would that be really offensive ?

OP posts:
MainlyMaynie · 14/12/2011 10:56

We only have fresh coffee. A friend brought her own jar of instant round and left it in the cupboard so she can have some when she's here. I wasn't insulted, just a bit bemused.

I'd take a cafetiere and coffee to give to them, much nicer than taking your own.

MrsCampbellBlack · 14/12/2011 10:56

God - I'd just take the nespresso machine - may as well go the whole hog Wink

Christmas with family is stressful enough without decent coffee.

But then my mil alway

MrsCampbellBlack · 14/12/2011 10:58

Oops!
My mil always asks if there's anything special I'd like and I normally say - I'll just bring extras.

Actually could you not do a little hamper thing - full of wine, nice chocolates and some special christmas coffee Wink

CuriousMama · 14/12/2011 10:59

Can you not try 'weaning' yourself onto instant by starting with Millicano? Maybe mix half of that with half ground, then keep putting less ground (made up of course) and more Millicano?

GColdtimer · 14/12/2011 11:02

But flogging, real coffee to me is quite a different drink to instant. It tastes completely different (not that I drink coffee). If the OP said I am going to take for example clippers fairtrade organic very poncy teabags because she didn't link PG Tips then I would agree that it is similar to taking organic juice to a kids party. And she is going to be there for 5 days.

OP, say you are sorry, you hope you won't offend them but you are using it as a smoking subsitute and its a real treat. I mean if they bring their own bedding to your house then they also understand that its different strokes for different folks.

Honestly, I can;t believe people would honestly get their knickers in a twist about this.

Fefeffion · 14/12/2011 11:19

Take a box of individual coffee bags with you (Lyons do a box of 18). I always take them around to my friend who buys really cheap coffee (I love her dearly but she is not a coffee drinker) - she dosen't take offence. You can be discreet when you use them if need be.

BettyCash · 14/12/2011 11:33

As other posters have said... as long as you take the piss your yourself, you can get away with this behaviour.

SuePurblybiltbyElves · 14/12/2011 11:38

Could you take your cafetiere and coffee grounds but put the coffee in an airtight tin? Tell them it's de-caff and you've brought your own rather than being a pain by insisting they but de-caff just for you. Course, it'll only work this time.

bejeezus · 14/12/2011 11:45

It is not unreasonable at all

It's not about being a snob neither, its about being an addict

5 days, no coffee-you will have a cracking headache and feel shite

2rebecca · 14/12/2011 12:17

I always manage to burst coffee bags but I agree these may be seen as more acceptable, or a box of those robault filter things. My mum used to take coffee sweeteners with her to visit me as I didn't use them. I wouldn't have asked about this and would just have taken some, agree with those who say it is a totally different drink to instant coffee. If someone loved irn bru or coca cola I wouldn't be upset if they brought some with them.

Dunrovin · 14/12/2011 12:56

Take a flask, and every day go to a good coffee shop and fill up your flask for secret consumption!

You can make good coffee in an ordinary heat proof jub (pyrex or a stainless steel measuring jug) and then strain it through a small strainer. Take coffee and strainer with you in your bag and then make coffee on your own in the kitchen before they get up?

StealthPolarBear · 14/12/2011 12:56

Izzy why would you give them something you know they wouldn't like? Agree, just explain it's become very important since you quit, that explains why now.

ronx · 14/12/2011 13:04

I feel like a voice in the wilderness but YABU. It's a bit of a slight on the host.

Can't you have a cup of tea instead?
If someone did something along those lines in my house, it would be a long time before they came again.

Wiseoldself · 14/12/2011 13:25

YANBU as a host I wouldn't be offended.

I am surprised at how many people on this thread are addicted to coffee though to the point where they would feel ill not drinking it?!

FunnysInTheGarden · 14/12/2011 13:29

YANBU, I would do the same and also wouldn't be worried if someone bought their own stuff to mine when they were staying. Our guests often do this and TBH I am quite glad. It is a PITA trying to second guess what specific kind of bread or tea is required by each guest (we have a fair few guests)

FunnysInTheGarden · 14/12/2011 13:31

I think that those who get offended by this type of behaviour may have a slight inferiority complex. Why would you take it as an insult that someone had different tastes to you?

bejeezus · 14/12/2011 13:32

If someone did something along those lines in my house, it would be a long time before they came again

really?

i dont understand why anyone would be offended?

Dunrovin · 14/12/2011 13:42

I wouldn't want to go and stay with anyone so prickly, precious or likely to take things personally as to get offended by someone saying 'Sorry, I'm an addict, may I set up my coffee supply in your kitchen?'. I would be making it very clear how much I appreciated theri hospitality generally, I would be gracious, helpful, tactful, bring thank you gifts, and send a letter afterwards - that's how I behave as a guest. As a host I work hard to make things nice, and then relax enough so that my guests don't feel beholden or afraid to put a foot wrong.

I wouldn't dream of being rude about any other kind of coffee, or criticise what was on offer, just make myself at home with my own preference. On an extended visit. Not overnight. If there for one night I would stop at the nearest Costa on the way home and mainline a double espresso.

AlpinePony · 14/12/2011 13:48

YANBU, I do the same. Usually the hosts want to drink "real coffee" but upon your return they'll still be sipping fucking Mellow Birds. Hmm

bejeezus · 14/12/2011 13:49

lol dunrovin i wuz thinking the same! my friends are all far less formal- cant think of a single 1 who would even imagine having a problem if I took a coffee supply

sparkle12mar08 · 14/12/2011 14:01

You want one of these.-

They're so easy to clean - just tap it out over a bin and rinse under the tap. One single part and can be used with all different grades of grind. Cheap, not bulky, what's not to love?! I use mine every day.

hackmum · 14/12/2011 14:03

I think it's OK if it's your ILs rather than friends.

I am just the same as the OP and would hate to spend five days without a proper cup of coffee. A good strong cup of coffee first thing is one of the things that makes life bearable, ime. Not only is instant not very nice, it contaminates the stuff of other things - an instant with a piece of cake or after a lovely meal just ruins everything.

Ephiny · 14/12/2011 14:12

It sounds a bit of an odd (and possibly rude) thing to do to me, sorry.

But then I don't really get the 'coffee snob' thing, I only occasionally drink coffee and it all tastes pretty much the same to me Confused.

bowerbird · 14/12/2011 14:47

Oh, darling I do sympathise. I simply cannot cope without my strong coffee (very grumpy without it) and wouldn't dream of going to stay someplace without taking some. My friends don't mind at all - I honestly don't get how anyone would think it's rude. Preferences are just that - preferences - there's no morality attached to them. Personally I loathe herbal tea - but if a friend brought some with them when coming to stay I wouldn't mind at all. What possible grounds is there for offence? Life is too short for such nonsense. Make a joke about your caffeine addiction, and do make sure to take some extra so you can make some for them and bring other lovely things to eat and drink.

Dunrovin · 14/12/2011 15:02

I'm a butter snob. Fab cheese, good Bath Olivers - and then someone plonks bloody margarine (it may be called fFora but it's still marge) or over-salted rough textured rancid smelling Anchor on the table. It has to be unsalted Normandy (like President) or Lurpak. But there is no way I would turn up at someone's house with my own butter, and I certainly wouldn't comment, I would enjoy the cheese and be grateful.

Coffee is different, somehow.

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