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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take real coffee with me when visiting someone ?

196 replies

Tillyscoutsmum · 13/12/2011 19:27

OK. I accept I am a bit of a coffee snob. I don't drink that much of it but do enjoy a cup in the morning and after meals. I only like proper ground coffee and really can't stomach instant.

So, here is the dilemma. We are visiting someone over Christmas for 5 days. They only have instant coffee. They are fantastic hosts. The food, wine etc. is always lovely (and more importantly, they are generally great company). I do miss a decent cup of coffee though Sad

WIBU to take along our cafetiere and some ground coffee to use whilst we are there or would that be really offensive ?

OP posts:
LemonDifficult · 13/12/2011 19:37

But isn't providing people with coffee and tea one of the basic parts of being a host?

If they pride themselves on their hospitality then they really might take it as a slight and if your going for 5 days over Christmas they'll doubtless have put a lot of effort into having you. I just can't see that the type of coffee you like to have is worth slighting them over. Suck it up (and drink more wine) in the name of being an easy guest.

AristoKat · 13/12/2011 19:38

AND. one more thing and then I will shut up.

If I had a guest who I knew does not like instant/is a proper coffee snob, I would buy a cafetiere/fresh coffee to help them feel comfortable. Drinks are very important over several days. Would hate for my guests to not feel able to participate fully in coffee/tea/cakes over the festive season.

I don't drink tea. At all. but many people who stay with us do, so we have a nice tea-pot and cosy and I buy decent tea when they stay.

oranges · 13/12/2011 19:38

I can't think its a problem really, if the visit is one where you all pitch in and help with cooking etc. May be weird if your hosts are the type to insist on doing everything for you.

tabulahrasa · 13/12/2011 19:41

I'd either get it the day after I arrived - I saw this and fancied it...or if you know you won't get a chance to, I'd take it and call it Christmas Coffee, as in, I brought Christmas Coffee, will I make Christmas Coffee now etc. To try and make it more about having nice coffee for Christmas rather than just because theirs is nasty.

DressingGownSnowQueen · 13/12/2011 19:41

I thought you just meant popping round someones house for an hour and I was going to say YABU.

But I don't think its a problem at all when you are actually going to stay with someone so YANBU.

Vinomcstephens · 13/12/2011 19:42

I wouldn't be offended at all of you were my guest - I'd only have someone come to stay for 5 days if they were a great friend anyway so I say take your coffee and enjoy it! Xmas Smile

tabulahrasa · 13/12/2011 19:43

Oh and leave it there when I left either way

exoticfruits · 13/12/2011 19:43

I agree with you. I have one cup a day and it has to be decent, real coffee. I think it would depend on who we were visiting. If they are possibly going to be offended I would just take my fruit tea sachets and give up on the coffee.

GColdtimer · 13/12/2011 19:43

I think you would be a bit odd if this offended you tbh. I would much rather guests felt happy and at home and if that means bringing their favourite beverage then so be it.

cat64 · 13/12/2011 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

IneedAChristmasNickname · 13/12/2011 19:44

I think it depends who you are staying with, how close you are,their sense of humour. My Grandad would be hugely insulted, my closest friends wouldn't care!
My DBs fiancee takes a jar of marmite EVERYWHERE with her! She is addicted to it, made me laugh so much (nicely) when she stayed and asked for marmite on toast in the morning. She pulled a jar out of her handbag and announced, "It's ok if you don't have any, I bought my own" Xmas Grin

AriesWithBellsOn · 13/12/2011 19:44

My mum does this and it drives me wild with fury. She also brings her own pillows and duvet because she clearly doesn't think ours are good enough.

I can almost guarantee the people whose houses you take the coffee to will feel the same

PurplePidjInAPearTree · 13/12/2011 19:44

Get someone to buy you a lovely coffee maker for Christmas - one of the truly posh ones with a milk frother - then take it and tell your hosts that you were so excited about your lovely gift that you just had to share the wonderful coffee-shop-coffee with them because you love them so so much...

Xmas Wink
GoingForGoalWeight · 13/12/2011 19:44

YANBU - My priority is that my guest is comfortable. I wouldn't take it as a slight on my hosting ability at all. What would differing tastes in coffee got to with our friendship? I do have packets of ground and jars of instant in my cupboard just for info.

Xmas Smile
squeakytoy · 13/12/2011 19:44

It really does depend on how well you know them and get on with them.

I have one friend I could go to with my freshly ground beans and say "I aint drinking that shit that you use"...

With other friends, I would either drink what they offer and say nothing, or ask for tea...

mrsravelstein · 13/12/2011 19:45

i find it a bit odd, but if i was good enough friends with someone to invite them over for 5 days, i really wouldn't mind...

perfumedlife · 13/12/2011 19:45

If they are offended they are not friends, honestly. Friends who you feel comfortable enough to stay with for five days? Surely to goodness they want you to be at home and have everything you need? How about texting, calling ahead and saying you are a ground coffee drinker and if they aren't, you will bring your own? They are going to be happy if you are happy.

I've been known to take a travel kettle/caffetiere/coffee visiting tea drinkers. I used to leave the pots behind but if they don't drink it, they don't use it/want it. Never offended any friends (that I know of Grin )

LoveInAColdClimate · 13/12/2011 19:47

I can understand why you would want to, but think your hosts might find it rude. I was a bit Hmm when my SIL rejected our delicious real coffee and rocked up with a load of horrible chemical sachets full of some sort of fake mocha... so they might feel the same when it's the other way around. But it wasn't like I was absolutely horrified, so I wouldn't worry too much.

perfumedlife · 13/12/2011 19:47

Ps. If my guests rocked up with their exciting new coffee pot and an academy award for acting, that would offend me. I would just know they were lying and awkward about a freaking cup of coffee and then I would feel like the hostess from hell.

Be upfront.

perfumedlife · 13/12/2011 19:50

In fact, scrap that. I wouldn't call ahead because they may feel obliged to go out and buy a coffee machine! Just arrive, bring it out and say you never leave home without it.

Teapot13 · 13/12/2011 19:52

I don't see the problem -- you must be good friends or you wouldn't be staying that long. I don't think you can do it as a "gift" - it's rude to bring a gift and then expect to consume it yourself, especially if you know your friend doesn't like it. (By all means offer it to everyone else.)

I think there's a long way between not drinking instant and being a coffee snob. We have instant for when DH is in a hurry but it isn't for guests unless they specifically ask for it.

Also, your friend might be relieved. As a non-coffee-drinker I get nervous about it. I'm always afraid I'll make it wrong and not know and no one will say anything. I'm glad if someone else makes it.

LoveInAColdClimate · 13/12/2011 19:53

Thinking about my post above, SIL's revolting mocha sachets did come on top of a weekend where she had been wildly irritating for many reasons, so my Hmm feelings may well have just been cumulative Annoying Guest rage rather than something I would have felt with a guest who had behaved normally the rest of the time. I don't think you would be BU but I think it depends on your friends as to whether they would find it rude/annoying (as well, obviously, on whether you are a dreadful guest the rest of the time Grin).

ZZZenAgain · 13/12/2011 19:54

just tell them you have become addicted to the really strong, brewed stuff and get headaches without it so you have to always cart a supply about with you. They will find you a bit strange but somehow endearing. Everyone likes people iwth some kind of minor fault

dementedma · 13/12/2011 19:54

I hate instant coffee but wouldn't dream of taking my own to someone's house if I was a guest. Do you take your own food, your own bedding,your own wine? Very very rude IMO

FairlyDinkum · 13/12/2011 19:57

This is a bit off-point but I've got a radical theory about coffee snobbery. You CAN drink instant coffee when you are a total coffee snob because it is not the same drink at all. I have an espresso coffee machine in my house and I only buy whole beans, which I grind in the machine. So yep, big coffee snob. When I buy a coffee in a shop I rank it out of 10 in my head Xmas Blush.

So, I never really drink the pre-ground/plunger coffee I think you are talking about OP - but I do drink instant when I am on the go/need a quick fix and don't want to fiddle around making a 'real coffee' (steaming the milk etc) - or I am not somewhere where I can buy one. I do have a real coffee every morning religiously though.

Oh, YANBU by the way. I wouldn't mind if you brought your own stuff at all.