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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take real coffee with me when visiting someone ?

196 replies

Tillyscoutsmum · 13/12/2011 19:27

OK. I accept I am a bit of a coffee snob. I don't drink that much of it but do enjoy a cup in the morning and after meals. I only like proper ground coffee and really can't stomach instant.

So, here is the dilemma. We are visiting someone over Christmas for 5 days. They only have instant coffee. They are fantastic hosts. The food, wine etc. is always lovely (and more importantly, they are generally great company). I do miss a decent cup of coffee though Sad

WIBU to take along our cafetiere and some ground coffee to use whilst we are there or would that be really offensive ?

OP posts:
2rebecca · 13/12/2011 23:40

I would hope that anyone who was close enough to me to stay with me for 5 days would feel able to just tell me they'd brought their own coffee/ tea etc because they are fussy and don't like mine. I like my guests to enjoy themselves. I think taking a medium size cafetiere rather than the individual ones would be more sociable so other folk could have nice coffee too if they want. I'd hate to be deprived of coffee for 5 days over xmas (hate instant) so would take a cafetiere if in your position although thankfully all my family and good friends drink real coffee too. My dad sometimes runs out so I usually take a pack of coffee with me. I see it as no different to taking wine or beer, in answer to demented ma yes if going to someone for xmas I do take my own wine, lots of it, mix of champers, red., pudding wine etc as part of my contribution. I'd also take something like this for the host and maybe tell her/him they can keep the cafetiere if they want or you could take it away if they don't want it cluttering up their kitchen.
If I didn't feel comfortable taking coffee to someone's house I wouldn't be wanting to stay with them over xmas.

2rebecca · 13/12/2011 23:47

I used curious mamas mug at work for a while and switched to cafetiere and mug because I thought the coffee tasted a bit plasticky in it. We all drink real coffee though and I mainly got the mug to keep it warm.

CuriousMama · 13/12/2011 23:47

Expat yes great minds Xmas Grin You can take those mugs anywhere, even camping.

3inABIRDsnest · 13/12/2011 23:54

A bit rude I think, but if you are good friends and make a joke of it as your own issue, maybe not a problem.

Dunrovin · 13/12/2011 23:55

OP - you'll be fine taking the cafitiere, it's the equivalent of them bringing bedding to yours. If you go there a lot i would defintiely leave one there. I leave one at my MILS.

And no, a filter paper in a plastic funnel wouldn't do! Filter paper soaks the oil out of the coffee and leaves it thin and bitter and without depth. IMO.

I would be so happy if guests turned up at my house being easy and clear about making the tea or coffee of their choice, and wouldn't see it as a refelection on my hosting at all. I never keep instant in the house, and if a guest said 'I'm off to the shop for a jar of Nescafe' I would say 'why didn't you TELL me?' and then we'd have a laugh about it.

TheSecondComing · 14/12/2011 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CuriousMama · 14/12/2011 00:24

You hate the term and yet you just used it?

Anyway am off now, hope you sort your coffee problem?

izzywhizzysmincepies · 14/12/2011 00:31

If someone was hosting me for 5 days over Christmas and they didn't have a decent expresso machine, that'd be their present sorted - I'd buy them them a domestic Gaggia or similar and a selection of whole and ground beans to my taste.

TheSecondComing · 14/12/2011 00:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 14/12/2011 00:35

There is a way to make instant coffee drinkable, if it's any help, OP?

Put a really good, heaped spoon of coffee into the mug and maybe a litle bit extra for luck. Next, instead of putting the hot water in, put the milk in. Put in a fair bit; I mean, really, quite a bit - a lot more than you probably would if you were doing it the other way round (i.e. hot water first).

Wait a few seconds for the coffee to dissolve a bit in the milk, and then pour the boiling water in. Give it a good stir.

It actually tastes noticeably different this way than hot water first.

The only caveat is that because of the amount of milk used, it doesn't take long for it to go lukewarm, so you have to drink it quickly. Xmas Wink

Oh, caveat two - the instant has to be granules. I'm sorry, but there's nothing you can do to make powdered instant coffee drinkable, so if this is what they have in-house I'm afraid I can't help you. Nor can I help you if you take your coffee black. But you can't say I didn't try.

jinty71 · 14/12/2011 00:53

What SlinkingOutsideInSocks said.

The only way to make instant although i would be polite and force horrible coffee down if someone was kind enough to make it.

Shangers · 14/12/2011 01:02

Please don't take them a caffetiere as a gift if they are never going to use it! I have a coffee machine (which I don't use but DH does) so I've never bought a caffetiere - I have a tiny kitchen - I don't need it cluttering up the space!! Every single time my mother comes to visit (abroad so several weeks at a time), she buys me a caffetiere after a couple of days because for some reason I can never find the one that she bought the previous times! Now I know my kitchen cupboards could do with a sort out but I live in fear of finding the caffetiere breeding ground with all these long lost cafetiere that were helpfully bought for me!!

.... I swear this trip will be the trip she learns how to use the bloody coffee machine!

I like the filter idea (another suggestion i've made to my mother to no avail!) and there are some really good instants now - maybe that would be a nicer present that she might actually use herself

.... i don't think you're bu to take your own though!

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 14/12/2011 01:10

Agreed, please don't buy them any sort of coffee machine or cafetiere as a gift. It's embarrassingly obvious that it's purely for your own use.

Grandad always used to by DF a bottle of whiskey for his birthday. DF doesn't touch the stuff. It was blatantly being bought for the drinks cabinet so that DGD would always have his tipple of choice to hand when visiting.

Morloth · 14/12/2011 01:17

Seriously, just make a joke out of it.

People think I am a nutter about my machine, and they are quite right!

We bought inlaws a nespresso machine last year, they are now converts. As MIL says it is 'more instant than instant'.

tryingtoleave · 14/12/2011 07:33

I took a caffetiere when we went to visit inlaws for two weeks. It is not that I am a snob so much as if I don't get a cup of proper coffee by 9 I become seriously unpleasant as well as headachy. I don't think my mil was hugely imoressed but, trust me, it would have done far more damage to our relationship if I hadn't taken it. I tried to laugh at myself, saying I was addicted (I am) and couldn't give up.

LoveInAColdClimate · 14/12/2011 07:54

If they're your ILs, you presumably know them well enough to know if this would offend/upset them. I wouldn't do it with mine (well, I wouldn't need to, because they make good coffee, but you know what I mean) because MIL would become convinced she had failed as a hostess, fuss over it, and every future visit would become tainted wih her experiencing coffee angst. But yours may be more laid back!

tryingtoleave · 14/12/2011 08:04

Laid back is not a word that has ever been applied to my mil before! I think she was a leetle put out, but she wanted us to have a good stay (first visit with dcs) and she is careful about causing problems with me (not because of anything I've done, but because she disliked her mil and cut her completely out of family life, so she knows what an angry dil can be like - not that I would ever do that).

lesley33 · 14/12/2011 08:30

No problem at all. But tbh I would be pissed off if you bought mne as a present something that was obviously for your use. Just make a joke out of it in terms of you know you are ultra fussy about this.

LovesBloominChristmas · 14/12/2011 08:33

You should take a set to leave there for your visits

Original poster
Tillyscoutsmum · 14/12/2011 08:51

Slinking - thank you but unfortunately, I do drink black coffee

Loveinacoldclimate MIL is really lovely and quite laid back about a lot of things but she can be a bit sensitive about things (has self esteem ishoos) so anything that could be seen as a slight on her hosting skills might upset her.

Anyway, DH has said he doesn't think we can take it Xmas Sad. He says that because we've been visiting regularly for the last 7 years, it looks odd if we take it now. We do only normally stay for 1 night but have stayed for 3-4 nights over Christmas before. From my point of view, I gave up smoking 8 weeks ago and my coffee habit has become a bit of a replacement (not that I drink any more of it than I used to, but I just look forward to it more and it feels like my "treat" iyswim)

Thanks everyone for your responses. Very interesting

OP posts:
Scholes34 · 14/12/2011 08:58

I, too, like my coffee. We don't have instant at home since we bought a Gaggia. If I go to someone's house and they only have instant, I'll just opt to drink tea instead, and look forward to a nice coffee when I eventually get home.

lesley33 · 14/12/2011 09:04

Can't you just explain that it is a substitute for your smoking?

Firawla · 14/12/2011 09:06

then just explain to them its because of the giving up smoking surely they can understand that!

2rebecca · 14/12/2011 09:59

I think your husband is being unreasonable and agree that the stopping smoking is a good excuse. I'd just say "sorry MIL but I've brought a cefetiere and some ground coffee with me as I know you don't drink ground coffee and I've given up smoking and have replaced it with a love of strong coffee."
I find it bizarre that your husband forbids you from taking a cefetiere and coffee whilst his parents bring their own bedding. Serious double standards, I presume he isn't as bothered about his coffee.
I take my cafetiere with me on holiday, camping etc. It would definitely get packed, even if I had to take a portable kettle with me as well and sneakily drink my coffee in the bedroom secretly.

Floggingmolly · 14/12/2011 10:49

Yes, it's rude. It's just a variation of the "bring your own organic juice to kids parties because the shite on offer is obviously poison" thing really, isn't it? If your hosts are catering for your stay, attempting to 'upgrade' the offered fare, as it were, isn't really on.