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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask... what do SAHMs do all day?

396 replies

PoppyAmex · 11/12/2011 16:39

I'm pregnant with my first child and was recently speaking to a friend about SAHMs and I mentioned I've been reading so many threads here about how some feel their work at home isn't valued by husbands / partners / people in general.

Following up on this conversation, my friend (a mum of 3) sent me the text below and I thought I'd share as I found it amusing. Maybe a good strategy for women complaining about the same problem?

"A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know how every day when you come home from work you ask me what in the world I do all day?' 'Yes,' was his incredulous reply. She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'"

OP posts:
thebigkahuna · 11/12/2011 18:41

I am busy at home with 2 pre schoolers, very busy, but totally agree that "hardest job in the world is inaccurate (for me, anyway).

I can think of far more difficult jobs than looking after chidren.

That doesn't mean it's easy all of the time, but definitely not the hardest job in the world.

molly3478 · 11/12/2011 18:41

Surely it depends what you do? mums I know work part time and do all the things dustinthewind states.

Bonsoir · 11/12/2011 18:43

The SAHMs I know do battle on behalf of their families on a daily basis, and then they make a comfortable home so that their families can relax after their day at the coal face. It is quite relentless Smile

SootySweepandSue · 11/12/2011 18:45

The most bored I ever got was at work (in a pretty well paid challenging job aswell). I bloody hated endless meetings, living off pinging emails and PowerPoint. Worse days of my life. I did 10 years of it and it got so mundane after about 4.

I just feel sorry for the mums with tricky kids so the aforementioned becomes the more attractive option.

I mean who would rather work than spend time with those that you love just doing what you do (presuming mortgage etc is paid).

helpmabob · 11/12/2011 18:46

I am sure when women fought so hard to give us choice they hoped we would turn that choice into a battle. Xmas Hmm I love it when women turn on each other, so helpful and constructive.

Burnt toffee can I be your friend?

molly3478 · 11/12/2011 18:47

Depends what you do sooty I take my kid (soon to be kids) best of both worlds then!

molly3478 · 11/12/2011 18:47

sorry that should say take my kids to work

cory · 11/12/2011 18:51

I've done both. As doneit put it, I didn't have a personality transplant, I just responded to circumstances.

Couldn't say definitely which was the hardest; teaching adults a subject I am specialised in obviously demands less flexibility and less physical effort than juggling a jealous 3yo and a new baby, but then again, there were no deadlines...

As for brain food, I don't remember that being a problem: I have a small allotment for that Grin

MrsPepperpotty · 11/12/2011 18:51

At the moment I am very happy being an SAHM, but I plan to return to work (hopefully pt or flexible hours) as soon as my youngest starts school.

Sometimes I ask myself why I don't just stay at home (given that we could manage financially). The main reason I can come up with is to avoid any possibility of turning into my MIL.

My point is sometimes there isn't much rational logic in our decisions. It's just a personal preference isn't it?

fedupofnamechanging · 11/12/2011 18:54

Today I have done laundry, ironing, cleaned the bathroom, cooked and washed up breakfast, lunch and dinner, entertained dc. In between that, I have been reading World War Z (I really recommend it, if any of you want to read a great zombie book).

Yesterday, I cleaned upstairs, went shopping, cooked etc.

Everyday, I have lots of laundry and cooking (4 dc, all in school, but still requiring packed lunches, clean clothes, dinner - very inconsiderate of them!)

I guess there would be less housework to do, if I'd had fewer dc, but as things stand, I am really busy at the moment. Would love to get away with 30 minutes per day.

Last week, I attended their school plays and helped out with DD's class.

When I am not busy, I read or do whatever I fancy at the time. Housework is boring, but necessary. Lots of paid employment is boring at times. I don't know anyone who is entertained 24/7. When I have free time I get to choose what I want to do - I don't understand how anyone can get bored, doing what they want. I feel lucky that I don't work full time and then come home home to a house that needs cleaning and hungry kids. Otoh, I have less money, so it's swings and roundabouts.

Time for us to stop attacking other people's choices - we all do what is best for us and our families, given our own particular circumstances. There is no right and wrong.

nativitywreck · 11/12/2011 18:55

My window cleaner is well fit. I was in last time he came, and I wasn't expecting him, so was wearing dirty trakkie bottoms and was eating a plate of oven chips with hummus.
Nice.

LisaD1 · 11/12/2011 18:57

I've been a WOHM and a SAHM, being a SAHM didn't really suit me but mainly because it limited our finances to be able to do anything that was much fun so it all became a bit boring, not the being with my dd, I loved doing that and it was great to have her first couple of years where I was at home.

I now work 3 full days a week (sometimes 4) and both DD's are at school so get plenty of time to clean house/have me time and when they're home my focus can be on them. Works for us and I know I am fortunate to be able to work the hours I do, I also love my job (most of the time) so for now this is working.

I really do not understand the great divide, I can honestly say it has never entered my head to judge another woman's decision re WOHM or SAHM, their choice to do whatever suits their own circumstances and equally I could not care less what anyone thinks of our set up.

CaptainMartinCrieff · 11/12/2011 19:00

Will someone please tell me what WOHM stands for? Sad

HarrySantaatemygoldfish · 11/12/2011 19:00

Having said that I am envious of all those SAHM who love it. It is the hardest job in the world and i couldn't do it.

What vomitous, patronising twaddle!

It's a piece of piss. Perhaps you just weren't doing it right?

Memoo · 11/12/2011 19:03

Work Outside of Home Mum

Dustinthewind · 11/12/2011 19:03

WOHM
working out of the home mother

Look at the blue row of words following talk at the top of the page.
Talk: Customise | Unanswered messages | Getting started | Acronyms | FAQs

Acronyms will explain all the code bits!

SoupDragon · 11/12/2011 19:12

I think that being a mother is the hardest job in the world because you can never do it right whether you WOH or SAH.

MillyR · 11/12/2011 19:15

This is yet another of those threads where lots of people attempt to answer the question of what SAHMs do all day, and in the course of their answer it turns out that they are not a SAHM at all, but actually have a volunteer position or are a student.

Jajas · 11/12/2011 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainMartinCrieff · 11/12/2011 19:16

I see 'working out of home'! I couldn't think what the O stood for. Thanks.

MillyR · 11/12/2011 19:20

I don't understand how people clean houses in 30 mins. It takes me, DD and DS 4 hours to do the housework with all 3 of us working solidily and I live in a small house, and that doesn't include the washing up/ kitchen cleaning during the week.

And my standards of clean would be considered low by most people.

champagnevanity · 11/12/2011 19:21

I may get flamed for saying this:

My baby is nearly three months old, obviously i adore her, but i could never, ever, ever be a SAHM. Its boring, makes me feel disappointed in myself, depressing. Some people may love it, some people not like it.

I think its a Marmite thing,

MrsPepperpotty · 11/12/2011 19:23

Champagne your baby is still very tiny - they get more interesting later.

Agree it's not for everyone though.

HarrySantaatemygoldfish · 11/12/2011 19:24

What is your job, champagne?

FuckYouGideon · 11/12/2011 19:37

Only boring people get bored? There's always washing and cleaning to do?

Just looking at my laundry pile gives me a sense of ennui. I can understand why the 15th load of washing that week keeps you busy, but to keep you from the jaws of tedium? Give me a break.

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