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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask... what do SAHMs do all day?

396 replies

PoppyAmex · 11/12/2011 16:39

I'm pregnant with my first child and was recently speaking to a friend about SAHMs and I mentioned I've been reading so many threads here about how some feel their work at home isn't valued by husbands / partners / people in general.

Following up on this conversation, my friend (a mum of 3) sent me the text below and I thought I'd share as I found it amusing. Maybe a good strategy for women complaining about the same problem?

"A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know how every day when you come home from work you ask me what in the world I do all day?' 'Yes,' was his incredulous reply. She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'"

OP posts:
molly3478 · 11/12/2011 18:10

I thik maypole that it is usully rare for a mum not to be able to make it to school things and plays. I went to ours the other day and all the mums and the dads were there. I dont think many people would miss school activities/plays even if they work tbh

maypole1 · 11/12/2011 18:12

Hardgoing and yet many cannot cope, start threds often asking those very same questions often leadin with help what do i do with the baby when i am having a bath Hmm

it depends i think lazy mothers will have whole swades of a day to do nothing with a small baby good mother will be busy playing, wipeing, feeding cooking ect

MrsJohnDeere · 11/12/2011 18:12

Take dc1 to bus
Take dc2 to preschool
Walk dog
Food shopping
Errands
Washing
Ironing
Cleaning and tidying (much less than I should)
Allotment
Helping out at preschool
Reading at school
Looking after other peoples children
Cooking
Collect dcs

Never bored, never enough hours in the day, but much much easier than workingWink

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 11/12/2011 18:14

-Walk DS to school in my pyjamas.
-Go home and stick Jezzer Kyle on.
-Scratch arse.
-Sniff fingers.
-Shout at DNA results.
-Scratch arse again.
-Pot Noodle.
-Loose Women.
-Covet McGiffin's turkey neck.
-Dickinson's Real Deal.
-Scratch arse.
-Kick all mess under sofa/beds.
-School pick up.
-Crispy Pancakes/potato smilies in oven.
-Come Dine With Me.

twinklytroll · 11/12/2011 18:16

Molly I work and have never made a school play, sports day etc. one of the many reasons dp works part time.

maypole1 · 11/12/2011 18:17

molly3478 don't agree most working mums at sons primary could make it to some things but not all

for instance often parents would send gran along then arrive half way in to a play or you would often see older brothers or sisters but no parent

parents who came to morning things would be sneaking out whilst the head was summing up or clock watching hoping to god their was not a on-core

i seen all my sons plays, every one attended all the parents evenings and picked him up when hes had a bad tummy and been sent home i never needed to send a substitute or come distrated because i have to leave for work soon

sweetsantababy · 11/12/2011 18:20

School run, holiday care, look after/play with my 2 year old, shopping, cooking takeaway/ready meal if I can't be arsed, meet friends, tidy, clean sometimes,take older DDs to activities, budget, go into town, sometimes I evengo to the library/toddler group.

maypole1 · 11/12/2011 18:20

we would rather have a little less so children can have a little more ##in our family watching our children grow, having someone home when they get in is worth more than any boss can ever pay

and to be honest i find most women are not even working to be better off my sil only came home with £30 net the rest of her wage went on child care so whats the point

is £30 really worth missing out

molly3478 · 11/12/2011 18:21

We had all mums, dads and nans/grandads there even though they all work. Dads go to a lot of things though including not just school plays, even though they all work, but I suppose it depends on the school

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 11/12/2011 18:23

Buppy you posh cah - crispy pancakes and smilies? Hmm you're making a rod for your own back and spoiling them woman!

Peachy · 11/12/2011 18:26

I get my brain food from the PT MA I do when I an find the time: is that not enough? Wink

DH and I have both missed a great many school things over our working parent lives. I should be going back to work soon but know that will mean missing some events, it is inevitable. I can't even make them all as a SAHm (carer)! (two school plays this week scheduled for same time, pah!)

sweetsantababy · 11/12/2011 18:26

Oh yes forgot about mumsnetting/watching daytime tv Grin

Peachy · 11/12/2011 18:27

And all Nans and Grandads? really?

At elast 50% of those at our school live far from the village, including ours: hence the profitable DVD market.

nailak · 11/12/2011 18:27

take dd1 to school
clean
cook lunch,
dress dd2 and ds3
take them to toddler group
governor at nursery and childrens centre
pta at dd1s school
OU degree
courses on helping your child learn, behaviour etc at childrens centre
voluntary work with vulnerable families
fortnightly religious gatherings
learning a new language
studying cultural based courses online
debating
taking kids to numerous appts, SALT, hearing related, etc
trying to make friends with other mums for dds play dates etc.
finance committee at childrens centre
training for governor related duties.
cooking dinner
bf 16 mnth old.
doing homework with kids
taking them to park
reading with kids, playing and general activities.
school events

molly3478 · 11/12/2011 18:28

Yeah I took all of us, and lots of DDs class did to. We dont have dvds though but we all got a photo.

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 11/12/2011 18:28

Sometimes I get an Arctic Roll out the freezer for afters.

Broken Britain.

BoffinMum · 11/12/2011 18:29

I am surprised nobody is having an affair with the window cleaner/postman/milkman whilst wearing fluffy mules. I thought that was de rigeur? Wink

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 11/12/2011 18:32

Eugh, perish the thought. My window cleaner looks like Nicholas Lyndhurst strainng for a shit and my postman looks like Charlie Drake.

onelittlefish · 11/12/2011 18:32

I have a 13 month old and 2 1/2 year old - I don't think I need to say what I do all day as neither of them are at nursery. However, in addition to looking after them I do voluntary work once a week and also play in a local orchestra. I would say that sometimes I am more busy than most people who work and I get really annoyed when people think that I have chosen a really easy life as both of my "hobbies" are actually an attempt to build up a new skill base so that at some stage I can re-train as a music teacher. I get really irritated when people say to me that I have chosen an easy life as personally, I think having and maintaining skills is a really important thing for a woman to do. I know so many really bright and talented women who have chosen to be SAHs who actually I think have allowed their identity to be swallowed up by their family.

molly3478 · 11/12/2011 18:33

I find in RL you never find window cleaners/postmen/milkman/gardener as sexy as on the telly. No pulling off your top off whilst watering yourself of with the garden hose its more mardy arse council worker in yellow jacket looking grumpy mowing the lawn unfortunately

Peachy · 11/12/2011 18:33

Can tell you haven't seen our postman Boffin, he refers to me as 'Lady'- 'Lady can you take a parcel', 'Good Morning lady'- he's been here for 8 yeras, my name is on the aprcel LMAO! Affair a no-no 'Lady can you take your knickers off'- yuck!

crje · 11/12/2011 18:34

Have heard this recently.....................

SAHM-rear free range chics
WM-rear battery hens

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 11/12/2011 18:37

There is a landscape gardener on our street who makes me come over all funny. If any of you are in my area and need some slabbing doing or summat, I am only too happy to share his number. Xmas Grin

Dustinthewind · 11/12/2011 18:37

My SILs are all SAHMs.
Their houses are much cleaner and tidier.
They know a lot more of their neighbours and their children's friends' families
Their gardens are lovely and tidy.
They stroll round the shops during daylight hours rather than zooming to the supermarket after dark.
They are much slimmer than me, with better haircuts and mani/pedicures.
They have already completed their Christmas shopping and decorating and baking and have a number of events planned over the holidays. Some they will host, some they will attend.
They chose partners who were happy to be the main or only breadwinner.

Alargeglassofred · 11/12/2011 18:40

Yawn.
We have an equal household. He earns the money (and works bloody hard), and I spend it on OUR family (and work bloody hard). We are a team. That's what happens when you have children. Anything else.....and you're doing something wrong