to ask... what do SAHMs do all day?

[PoppyAmex]

I'm pregnant with my first child and was recently speaking to a friend about SAHMs and I mentioned I've been reading so many threads here about how some feel their work at home isn't valued by husbands / partners / people in general.

Following up on this conversation, my friend (a mum of 3) sent me the text below and I thought I'd share as I found it amusing. Maybe a good strategy for women complaining about the same problem?

"A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know how every day when you come home from work you ask me what in the world I do all day?' 'Yes,' was his incredulous reply. She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'"

I love both, I wish I could clone myself so I could go to work full time and be a SAHM full time. I was never bored with the children, but sometimes bored at work when I've caught up. Do mounds more MNing at work than when I was at home.

If I was having one of those depressing groundhog days at home with the children I'd just go out.

I bloody wish I were there now, giving my little girl a cuddle

helpmabob bringing home a salary doesn't make me more of a person but I enjoy my job, I have fun and I work in a fast paced career so to take several years out to have babies (which financially was never an option for me ) would have meant my training and experience would have been out of date when I wanted to return to work.

For me, I think I have the perfect balance, I get 4 days with my boy n 3 days at work. Recently I did think about going back to work full time for financial reasons but decided against it as for me, all I've ever wanted is to be a mum so I didn't wanna give up my days at home with him. And no I'm not saying that it makes full time workers less of a mum, im just saying that for me, it wasn't what I wanted to do.

Having said all that, if I had a rich DP then maybe I would be a SAHM or if DP lost his job then I would work full time.

We all just do what is best for our own family.

Why do some people seem to think that if people say they enjoy their work, they are 'defining themselves by their 'job''? Thats as non sensical as it is to say that a SAHM is defined by being a mum.

Is it really so hard to believe that many women work because it adds another dimension to their life? Its not the one defining thing about them. It is not the only way they earn respect. Its another dimension. And we enjoy time at home with our kids just as much as mums who don't work. It doesn't have to be an either/ or thing

As for those who say that they found their working life boring and tedious- well, all the more reason to aim for skilled, interesting work. It's certainly what I hope my kids do. If one of them decides to have time out of the workplace, and a partner prepared to support that, then fine. But I'd rather they were approaching it from a position of making a positive choice rather than only having a deadly dull job where anything else is a better option. Also, if you are being supported by a partner to stay home, it always makes sense to be in a position to reverse roles, should circumstances dictate. Your partner might be made redundant- or decide he'd like to take a step back in the world of work. If one partner has a much lower paid or more dull job than the other- well, there isn't much choice is there?

That would be a nice life "jux" however i wouldn't trust my dh to do any of the housework, he seems to think that A) you can wash anything on any temperature with any colour combinations and B) that you can shove anything in the trumble dryer and then shout at said tumble dryer after it has shrunk your favorite hoody. Oh and C) that we have a miraclous self cleaning bathroom that cleams itself every time he uses it.

Haha yes mh DP does the same with the washing machine and especially the tumble dryer! The bathroom isn't too bad, at least he rinces the sink after a shave. Although we do have issue regarding the towels (I won't go in to it)

Gaaahh! Enough please!

If you're a SAHM and you enjoy it, don't want to do anything else and can afford to do it, then that's what you do.

If you're a SAHM and you enjoy it and can afford to do it, and do voluntary work to keep your brain in gear/talk to adults/get out of the house, then that's what you do.

If you're a WOHM and you enjoy it, like/need the money and need to do it to keep your brain in gear/talk to adults/get out of the house, then that's what you do.

If you're a WOHM and you have to do it for the money and would rather be at home, then that's a shame for you.

I may have missed a load of categories out but hey.

It seems to me that everyone should do what they and their family want or need to do and that's the end of it. Every family is unique, everyone wants something different. I imagine most (I didn't say all, I said most) of us are in the position we want to be in.

Wouldn't it be a boring life if we all wanted the same thing?

I like being at home (did work 60hr weeks for 15y b4 kids) to see the small milestones it is important to me for the reason my M never gave a toss, me and my siblings were left to run riot at the time this was fun but looking back I think if she had been more interested and put in effort with school etc we could of all done a lot better than we did.
And in the public sector you are a number and holidays are like rocking horse shit

Amen to that Almostfifty!

How tedious it would be if we were all alike!

People seem to be misunderstanding me, I am simply responding to negative remarks being made about being a sahm such as it is boring, you are just a mum and nothing else etc etc. Many people said they go to work to be more than JUST a mum and I am pointing out that you can be more regardless of whether you work, don't work. I resent the implication that sahms are JUST mums and I am fed up of threads like this that seem to cause women to justify what they do.

Personally I dont give a fig if you work, don't work, steal for a fucking living - whatever. LIVE AND LET LIVE and stop denigrating other peoples' choices.

I'm a SAHM- my old job was great and part of me does miss it. I worked with students with ASD and felt I couldn't give enough stability to go back full time- the cover teacher was doing a great job so decided to leave- along with other reasons.

I don't get bored- I go to groups, see friends, swim, walk, and play. It suits me and that is what matters- it doesn't suit everyone. Some people find small people dull, it isn;t that they are brainer or too clever to be a SAHM - it is just a case of different strokes for different folks.

Can't mothers be more supportive to our different methods of parentng- instead of having tr=o debate which is best, accept all methods work for different families- be it WOHM, SAHM, WAHM, SAHD, part time mum, full time mum.
There is no need to berate the choices of others to big your own up... Non of us is perfect but can we not accept that parenting is a huge and difficult mine field and we need to support each other through it rather than undermine each other.

I have 3 under 4. Its the hardest work I have ever done. Relocated due to husbands job and am now a sahm rather than a part time worker. Some days my arse doesn't see a chair. My back aches, my body is a wreck, the pure physical hard work is not to be underestimated, its relentless. Can you tell i've had a mare of a day??? But I love how involved I am. But I miss work too. Swings and roundabouts

My dear mum had a motto "and this too shall pass" I try to remember that these early days of tantrums and bottom wiping will be gone sooner than i will imagine and I will be back at work wishing all those days back. I suppose, what I am trying to say is whatever your situation, try to embrace it.

atm we mostly paint ceilings and listen to children COUGHING

aaaaargh the COUGHING

please make it stop

I'm with you Jack. Coughing, snorting and crying cause they feel poorly.

Poppy, DH sends me an e-mail almost every day thanking me for doing what I do. His childhood was (in his words) "blighted by woefully inadequate and negligent childminders". Being a SAHM can be just awful some days. When the children are all very young, acting up, poorly etc; soul destroying. There are an equal number of days when it's absolutely lovely (usually when they are all at school ). I think it's really important if you are choosing to stay "at home" that you feel supported by your partner. Can't see how it would work otherwise.

FabbyChic It's no great shakes seriously being at home with one child, I stayed home a year and was bored, takes 30 mins to clean a house if it is always tidy.

15 pages late but . . . 30 mins to clean a house! Either you have a rocket up your bum or your idea of clean is a bit suspect. Lets take the average 3 bed. Say a living room and dining room (or perhaps a through lounge) plus kitchen, upstairs there are 3 bedrooms and a bathroom, plus the stairs and hallway count as a room because they require as much cleaning as any other. So that's 8 rooms. That means you spend 3mins & 75 seconds cleaning each room. Really?!

The hardest thing about staying at home is the boredom. Nobody notices housework unless it´s not been done. I do a good job.

Then my husband comes home, chucks his suit on the bed, tie on the floor, leaves a trail of destruction in his wake, takes his freshly washed and ironed nightshirt (yes really) off the radiator and lolls about on the sofa waiting for a glass of red and a decent meal to appear from my fair hands.

Then the next day I start all over again. But yes, with one child not bad at all. Plenty skiving opportunities especially if rastamouse is on... I get pleasure from a well kept house and well fed family and and pamper my husband. But yes its bloody boring!!

SAHM reads thread while drinking tea and toast and planning when the next bennifit comes in[fangrey]

"The hardest thing about staying at home is the boredom."

But SAH doesn´t actually mean "stay at home"!

I was out & about just about everyday to toddler groups/friends/park.

My child is at nursery and my job ended a few months ago. We live abroad so v diff for me to work, was so lucky to find last one. We don't know anybody yet as have just moved to a new city so yes, right now i am spending alot of time on my own. And yes, i think most sahm spend most of their time taking care of their homes do they not??? As fot toddler palrk etc, well to be honest even they become boring after a while. We go to the park daily. In an ideal world, id work three days a week.

Fanty - I certainly don't spend most of my time taking care of the home - I am out and about with voluntary work and hobbies- how exciting for you to be in a new city, are you enjoying exploring it?

This is why I'm not having children. Sounds god awful. You're all saints ladies.

you decide whether or not to have children on basis of some boo hoo housewife='ardest job in world sob story?

god wait til you meet the precious moments mamas with their baby Velcroed to their hip,they'll get you going good style

being a parent exposes you to all manner of oddballs and zealots,you got to perfect a straight face and inner monologue

Well I wouldn't say that this thread started my decision, but it's certainly hammered it home. I genuinley don't know how people do it! We just got a dog and that is hard enough. I feel for women of the noughties, it is very tough, if you stay at home you're crucified, if you go to work you're crucified, mix both and you're crucifed. You can't win, and it seems to me men don't get any of this flack they more often than not carry on as normal. It's a constant juggling act and personally I find it terrifying.