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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask... what do SAHMs do all day?

396 replies

PoppyAmex · 11/12/2011 16:39

I'm pregnant with my first child and was recently speaking to a friend about SAHMs and I mentioned I've been reading so many threads here about how some feel their work at home isn't valued by husbands / partners / people in general.

Following up on this conversation, my friend (a mum of 3) sent me the text below and I thought I'd share as I found it amusing. Maybe a good strategy for women complaining about the same problem?

"A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know how every day when you come home from work you ask me what in the world I do all day?' 'Yes,' was his incredulous reply. She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'"

OP posts:
Laquitar · 11/12/2011 17:00
Confused

The tone of the title is very different to the opening post.

What are you looking for?

As for 'brain food', give me xx££ per month and i can stay home and find 100s fab things to do. To me work=money (=security, independence, choices)

BurntToffee · 11/12/2011 17:00

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Memoo · 11/12/2011 17:01

I thought flabby had been on the sick too.

ditavonteesed · 11/12/2011 17:01

I am a sahm to school age dc. I drop the kids off, I care for my elderly gran, I take fabulous long leisurely walks with the dogs, I help out in school, I go on school trips. sometimes I even clean the house, but not too often.

PoppyAmex · 11/12/2011 17:01

ImperalBlether - I meant text as in "written or printed words, typically forming a connected piece of work", not as in SMS; that would indeed be a huge undertaking.

I honestly didn't mean to start a SAHM/WOHM debate, but reading a lot of posts here I do question some of the choices I made... I'm 36 and was working a 60 hour week when we decided to wait 5 years to have the "perfect" financial circumstances and to move back from Australia to have this baby close to family just so I could be a SAHM.

I was very fortunate to get pregnant quickly, but now I wonder if it wouldn't have been much wiser to have had children earlier even if that meant working full-time throughout their early years.

OP posts:
RainboweBrite · 11/12/2011 17:03

I think we all could learn a thing or two from Jux! (Wanders off to find old copies of Frankenstein and Dracula on bookcase that hasn't seen a duster for about 2 years).

perplexedpirate · 11/12/2011 17:04

I'm not sure what I am really. I work 18 hrs out of home, and 12 hrs from home term time only.
Am I a sahm, or a wohm, or what?
I do do the housework too if that's makes a difference?

OriginalChristmasPoster · 11/12/2011 17:04

Re brain food

I have my most interesting ideas when I'm not working...

doneitthistime · 11/12/2011 17:04

I've been both too.

I didn't have a personality transplant as I moved from one to another and back again. Do people really think women are so polarised. Its insulting to ourselves to think we can't respond to circumstances individually as we do in any other walk of life. I prefer one over the other but it doesn't mean anything to anyone else because they aren't me living my life.

BurntToffee · 11/12/2011 17:05

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coronet · 11/12/2011 17:05

I've always worked. I'd be bored at home... But my home would be tidy, things would be more organised and my dcs and dp would be happier.

ditavonteesed · 11/12/2011 17:06

only boring people get bored.

GinSlinger · 11/12/2011 17:07

I did what Jux did and supervised the cleaner and chauffeur too.

diddl · 11/12/2011 17:07

God, how I loathe that text.

Not sure why.

The fact that the wife felt that she had to justify herself?

The fact in order to do that she let the kids run riot?

I don´t get it tbh.

lockets · 11/12/2011 17:07

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Pandemoniaa · 11/12/2011 17:07

I always think it is a great mistake to brag about brain food. Especially when all the evidences points to there having been a terrible famine...

PeggyCarter · 11/12/2011 17:09

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jellybeans · 11/12/2011 17:09

I have been both WOHM and SAHM. I prefer being a SAHM (for now anyway) and feel closer to my children for doing so, it did take a long adjustment though and a while to feel it was the right thing because of societal pressures. Luckily we can afford to live in DH's wages without him doing more than 40hrs a week. His job hours mean I can't work anyway unless we use childcare which isn't what we want (no offence to those who use it-we have done in the past).

What I do all day is take care of DS and the older ones before/after school. I am always here in case of school closures and illness etc which is a big thing and relieves stress on DH. I find my older kids need me just as much. I take DS to toddler groups and also spend time with DH as he has time off in the week rather than weekends. I am always busy and never get bored. There is always washing, cleaning etc aswell as studying for a degree, seeing friends, and yes even occasional chilling out!! I love just crashing out playing with DS or older ones with nothing to rush to. I don't care what people thing as know it is working for us!

callmemrs · 11/12/2011 17:10

It's different sorts of brain food. Being with young children can be fun and stimulating, but its a different sort of stimulation from problem solving/ dealing with clients/ hitting a target or other work related stuff. It certainly pays to aim for qualifications and skills which lead to
more interesting work though- if I were stuck in some menial low paid job then frankly I'd probably rather not be working.

As for housework- it really doesn't need to take that long nowadays. Some people expand it to fit the time available - but it doesn't mean it HAS to take hours

BurntToffee · 11/12/2011 17:10

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lockets · 11/12/2011 17:12

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StealthPolarBear · 11/12/2011 17:17

They Mumsnet. The ones who aren't MNing watch Jeremy Kyle and swig lager

GoEasyPudding · 11/12/2011 17:18

BurntToffee that wins my fav MN post ever award! V V funny.

StealthPolarBear · 11/12/2011 17:21

the MNing ones drink wine

Yuuule · 11/12/2011 17:22

YABU :)

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