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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think that this mum was wrong?

176 replies

HappyJoyful · 10/12/2011 22:34

My friend and I have very different parenting styles (she's all about child-led/attachment parenting and I certainly don't take this stance!).. especially when she announces today that she wont be 'doing the whole Father Christmas thing' as she doesn't think she should make up these things and in-effect 'lie' to her DD. I suggested well some lies aren't 'bad' lies and surely she should indulge the child in this long standing tradition...

OP posts:
Sirzy · 10/12/2011 22:38

Each to their own and there is no rules to say you have to do the whole father Christmas thing

That said Ds is just 2 and loving father Christmas this year and I would be sad if that wasn't part of Christmases for the next few years.

AgentZigzag · 10/12/2011 22:39

SIBU, the miserable fucker.

Maybe she doesn't have nice memories of Christmas when she was small, but there's no need to take it out on the little girl.

YonderRevoltingPeasantWhoIsHe · 10/12/2011 22:41

Why?

Personally, I never understand why people say 'children have such fantastic imaginations' but also 'they need to really believe in FC to enjoy The Magic'.

I was raised without believing in FC and knew where my presents came from - Christmas the most exciting day of the year, without question, and is still a massive big deal for my family. We still read Christmas stories like 'Night before Xmas', 'The Grinch' etc and still did all the traditional Christmas things. I still thought reindeer were amazing - but we knew they were not real - just like you can really enjoy a scary story without believing in ghosts.

I don't think people who tell their DC about Father Christmas are Deceiving Their Children but I also really don't get the massive intolerance from some people about those who choose not to tell this particular story. Confused

BartletForAmerica · 10/12/2011 22:41

We will be teaching our DC that Father Christmas not real but a fun game that we all play. I don't plan to lie to my children.

ImperialBlether · 10/12/2011 22:41

I agree with AgentZigzag. Does she not have any imagination? What a miserable thing to do to a small child.

Greythorne · 10/12/2011 22:41

SIBU but I don't think her approach is consistent with Attachment Parenting. That's a red herring.

YonderRevoltingPeasantWhoIsHe · 10/12/2011 22:42

obviously I know reindeer are real. My parents did not take scepticism that far...........

usualsuspect · 10/12/2011 22:44

She sounds like a miserable sod

YonderRevoltingPeasantWhoIsHe · 10/12/2011 22:44

but IB, genuinely, why is it about imagination?? Like Barlet said, it can just be a game - have you seen how seriously small children take games? It can still be a big deal for them without actually having to tell them sth is true when later they will find out it isn't.

BartletForAmerica · 10/12/2011 22:46

Should add I'm not going to lose any sleep over what other parents do, so suggest you let is slide.

I do find it depressing just how materialistic some people make Christmas. It really is not "all about the children" and all about presents. It should be a lovely family holiday of, depending on your religious stance, celebrating Jesus' incarnation and being together.

squeakytoy · 10/12/2011 22:47

Gawd... considering it a lie to let a child think Father Christmas is real is definately taking it a bit far..

What on earth is wrong in letting children believe in magic and enjoy their innocence and fun along with the rest of their peers... .why be so "right on" that you effectively make your child into the one who feels a bit left out when their peers are all still at the age where Santa is real..

Sirzy · 10/12/2011 22:50

To me (religious side apart) Christmas is all abou the children. Watching the excitement of little children makes it all the more exciting IMO.

TararaBOOMdeay · 10/12/2011 22:52

I'm with her I'm afraid.

It wasn't a conscious decision in our house that 'let's be spoilsports and not bother with the whole FC thing', more that we started off being open and honest with our children and it soon became obvious that spinning an elaborate web of bullshit fantasy surrounding Christmas doesn't sit well with that. Not actually possible if you have questioning kids above a certain age either!

AgentZigzag · 10/12/2011 22:55

Y'miserable fucker Tara Grin

1Catherine1 · 10/12/2011 22:57

I never really got into the whole idea of FC as a child. All my presents were from "mum & dad" or "granny and grandad" so I never got where exactly he fit in. It was encouraged by school but not my family. This wasn't because my mum was against lying to us - she convinced my sister mushrooms were courgettes for years because my sister didn't like mushrooms. It didn't change the fact we loved Christmas and had a fantastic time every year.

SINBU to not do the FC thing if she doesn't want to.

GossipWitch · 10/12/2011 22:58

My 9 year old no longer believes but he wont blow it to his 3 year old brother as he wants christmas to be magic for him, however my 9 year old now understands all the effort and monetary value that goes into christmas and is eternally grateful for every present he receives, also hes more excited about buying gifts for people and stashing them away for the big day because he cant wait to see their face when they open it, the three year old wants santa to give him everything, he doesnt understand santa's on a budget lol.

TararaBOOMdeay · 10/12/2011 23:01

Bah fucking humbug, AgentZigzag Grin

On the plus side we don't lie to them about believing in God so they don't have to pretend it's all about the religious guff. Our way they just revel in all the presents we've bought them.

WorraLiberty · 10/12/2011 23:05

That's such a shame

I've never known a child to reply "You lying bastards, you've ruined my trust in you with your selfish gift giving" when their parents have eventually told them the big man's not real.

I suspect the child will probably make Christmas magical for her own kids when she grows up, so they can experience what she never did.

Original poster
HappyJoyful · 10/12/2011 23:09

sqeakytoy, totally with you - my point to her was exactly about deliberately setting out to make a child set up to be 'excluded' and to have ability like someone else says to spoil 'magic' for other kids.
tara, as you say, she would 'argue' her DD is far 'too clever' and 'too questioning' to believe it - how old were your kids ?
lol at the courgettes being mushrooms - see they are the 'lie's that I think ok !
interesting as said not necessarily in line with Attachment Parenting.
fine about each to own, just can't get my head round it, surely it's fun! (DD is only 10mnths so we not quite at stage yet but certainly looking forward to it - though as said agree it's not all about the size of the stockings etc etc and the smallest cheapest things are often best - well from what I recall as a kid anyway)

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 10/12/2011 23:11

I wouldn't equate Father Christmas with a religious conviction Tara, but I don't mind passing the credit for some pressie deliveries on to such a socially accepted character.

Neither of mine are into it this year though Sad DD1's too old and DD2's too young.

PelvicFloorOfHighTensileTinsel · 10/12/2011 23:13

I had older siblings and I can't really remember fully believing in FC as they gave the game away pretty early.

DS1 (3) is currently petrified of FC so we won't be making any reference to him sneaking into our house overnight while we sleep . I have no idea whether we'll do it next year or not,depends how he reacts then.

There are worse things in life than not believing in FC so SINBU and should be free to make her own Christmas traditions for her family, not really any of your business.

NorkyPiesWithJingleBellsOn · 10/12/2011 23:15

Surely the whole fun is that everyone pretends AND KNOWS THEY ARE PRETENDING. It's not really a question of real vs not real. Best thing I've seen is a full-size Santa climbing up the side of a house (not a real one, of course).

squeakytoy · 10/12/2011 23:17

As a small child, I never for a moment thought the presents were just from Santa. I knew they were from my parents/grandparents etc, but I believed that Santa delivered them. I have such brilliant memories of going to the Co-Op department store to see the Grotto, and tell Father Christmas what I would like... I have memories of spending Xmas eve gazing out of my bedroom window, convinced that anything in the sky that moved was him on his sleigh..

I remember my mum wrapping presents for relatives and then she would leave them on the tv at night (long before flat screens obviously!!), and the elves would collect them during the night to take them to FC ready for him to deliver...

I dont recall when I found out he wasnt real, but I love my parents for letting me believe, and for not spoiling the magical fun of something that only a child can truly believe for such a short time.

Goolash · 10/12/2011 23:17

yabu it's not sad. In this house Santa brings a stocking and we all enjoy it. If a family, who celebrate Christmas, don't do Santa, I don't think it necessarily means their children are missing out on anything.

My parents did a stocking from Santa and main present from them, one of my close childhood friends didn't do Santa. We both came from church going families, her family chose not to do anything about Santa. Our memories of Christmas are pretty similar and we both love it today. We were young, it didn't matter who the presents came from Xmas Wink. We both shared the experience of decoration, lots of gatherings and celebrations.

My husband isn't really into Christmas. He comes from a household where Santa was Christmas and says Xmas magic was lost when he found out Santa didn't exist. I don't think the Santa policy was the problem, for various reasons, all the other bits weren't as magic him.
"
I don't think it matters really if families Santa, or not. As my eldest said (with a wink), after several years of debating whether the man in red existed, "Santa
does all his deliveries in one night 'cos he misses out most of the world.

Xmasbaby11 · 10/12/2011 23:18

Does anyone on here who grew up believing in FC actually feel like their parents lied to them???