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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think that this mum was wrong?

176 replies

HappyJoyful · 10/12/2011 22:34

My friend and I have very different parenting styles (she's all about child-led/attachment parenting and I certainly don't take this stance!).. especially when she announces today that she wont be 'doing the whole Father Christmas thing' as she doesn't think she should make up these things and in-effect 'lie' to her DD. I suggested well some lies aren't 'bad' lies and surely she should indulge the child in this long standing tradition...

OP posts:
mrsjay · 13/12/2011 10:16

sounds like your friend is needing all the credit for christmas and not FC just my opinion though nobody needs to do santa at all , each to their own but i think its a bit sad not to do it ,

wordfactory · 13/12/2011 10:21

FC, his sleigh, his elves etc are all part of a wonderful fairy story that unlike your books, you can, for a brief period, actually be part of.

How could that ever be a bad thing?

valiumredhead · 13/12/2011 10:33

Oh I disagree, you can be very 'part of' books.

samstown · 13/12/2011 12:13

Oh my god I am shocked at the posts on here! I cant believe how many people are saying they dont really do the whole Santa thing! Each to their own and all that but it would never even occur to me to not ham up the FC story. I have a four month old and am taking him to westfield this week to meet Santa (and take part in a '5D movie' apparently Hmm) but I just cannot wait until he is a bit older and see his face when he sees the presents that father christmas has brought.

My sister is 27 and she still puts out whisky and a mince pie for father christmas and a carrot for rudolph (not SN or anything, just a massive kid!)

I know that everyone is allowed to do things their own way, but am a little bit Sad at some of the utterly joyless responses on this thread.

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 12:24

utterly joyless yes samstown, that does sum much of it up Sad.

In our house, parents, friends and family send presents to Father Christmas who usually puts one or two small surprises (stocking filler type things) in him self.

The Father Christmases you can visit in shops are the 'real' FC's helpers, not the man himself who's far too busy.

Different time zones mean he can get all over the world.

We don't give the children huge numbers of presents, but tbh, Christmas and birthdays is the only time they ever get given gifts or things unless they need them.

The Father Christmas you can pay to visit in Lapland still isn't the real one. That's just a money making scam!

We don't go over the top but FC certainly has a place. DS worked it out when he was good and ready and DD will do the same.

valiumredhead · 13/12/2011 12:26

We DO ham it up - what we don't do is insist it is real. Big difference.

valiumredhead · 13/12/2011 12:28

I'm not sure calling someone 'utterly joyless' because they don't do something you do is on - an actually couldn't be further from the truth in our case.

valiumredhead · 13/12/2011 12:31

In fact I don't think anyone on this thread or the other one has actually said they don't 'do' FC - they just don't reinforce the fact it is not true and it is a traditional story. So there are no poor little children missing out on anything, no need to fret!

ValiumQueen · 13/12/2011 12:35

YABU It is up to the mother what she wants to do. I also do not 'do' the Father Christmas thing. I never believed as a child, and it did not scar me.

What I do object to is other folk going against what I choose to do, for example last week another parent was telling her child to behave or he would not get any presents from Santa. DD1 (5) quietly said to the adult, out of hearing of the child, that she knew Santa was not real. The other parent then said 'oh yes he is, I have seen him'. Had the other child been able to hear my daughters comment, I would have accepted this.

ValiumQueen · 13/12/2011 12:36

Xpost Valiumredhead - are we related?

valiumredhead · 13/12/2011 12:38

Perhaps! Grin

working9while5 · 13/12/2011 12:40

My father told me that Santa wasn't real when I was 4 because he couldn't tell me a lie Hmm. Shame he didn't keep to those standards of integrity when he started shagging a colleague and was perpetually home late because he had to work so hard, or when he became totally alcoholic and basically lied every single time I saw him for ten years.

I have no issue with people who for religious or cultural reasons don't want to celebrate any holiday but to make an issue out of something like this simply because you can (and often to court attention and/or debate or to feel special about your parenting choices) really hacks me off.

wordfactory · 13/12/2011 12:40

valiumred you can only be part of a story in a cerebral way. You cannot see it, smell it and touch it.
The main character will not come to your home and leave magic dust in his wake.
That is an entirely different experience.

valiumredhead · 13/12/2011 12:43

If you say so wordfactory

wordfactory · 13/12/2011 12:44

I find the whole notion of not lying to DC very odd. Are we all not economical with the truth for our DC's sake?

Do parents really tell their four year olds that no, they probably won't become a world renowned ballerina? Or that actually, the earth is well and trully fucked and there's probably not much point in them having any DC of their own?
Do they tell a frightened five year old that yes, planes do sometimes crash land killing everyone on board? Or that there are plenty of people who smoke and live til eighty?

valiumredhead · 13/12/2011 12:49

There's a big difference between not lying about anything - which I agree is not possible, of course people lie and choosing not to go to great extremes to prove the existence of someone from a traditional story. It's not one thing or another.

samstown · 13/12/2011 12:51

The 'utterly joyless' comment came more from people using words like 'irrational beliefs' and 'sceptic' on a thread about Father Christmas!

wordfactory · 13/12/2011 12:54

But if morally you're prepared to lie to your DC to enhance their existence, why is FC not included within that?

valiumredhead · 13/12/2011 12:58

Because FC is a traditional story - why should I tell ds that he is real apart from the fact the story originated from a real event?

Would I tell ds that actually no he is not likely to be the world's greatest WWE wrestler? -No, the chances of that happening are slim but not impossible, the chance of FC coming down our chimmney IS impossible.

wordfactory · 13/12/2011 13:02

Well I would do it just for the sheer joy of it.

There are few things lin life that have no point whatsoever besides the unadulterated magic involved. I'm willing to grab any and all that come along. FC is frankly, a gift.

valiumredhead · 13/12/2011 13:07

We find plenty of joy in other things, I don't need to sprinkle fairy dust around my house to find it. We also do loads of things that have no point whatsover - pretending that FC is alive and coming down chimneys doesn't happen to be one.

wordfactory · 13/12/2011 14:07

Well that's your perogative of course, but personally I couldn't deny myself the pleasure.

But then I'm not very good at denying myself anything much if truth be known Blush

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 14:19

valium he does come down the chimney in our house either. He has a key Xmas Wink. I don't do the 'fairy dust' stuff that's a step too far!

Although we do take a single bite of the mince pie and a small sip of milk!

mrsjay · 13/12/2011 14:24

my DDs were chatting about santa yesterday and 1 of DDs friends has all her santa presents under the tree already dd1 was saying oh has she dd2 said yes she wont get a suprise on christmas day she knows what shes getting blah blag

DDs are 18 and 14 Grin

of course they know santa isnt real but it was funny listening to them , i couldnt have christmas without santa wouldnt be right imo

valiumredhead · 13/12/2011 15:01

but personally I couldn't deny myself the pleasure. I suppose it's because I find no pleasure in it at all so it's not like I am denying anything, if that makes sense. We have stockings - it's like anyone is denied anything. MrsJay we don't have Christmas without Santa either - we just don't tell ds that FC is real.