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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think that this mum was wrong?

176 replies

HappyJoyful · 10/12/2011 22:34

My friend and I have very different parenting styles (she's all about child-led/attachment parenting and I certainly don't take this stance!).. especially when she announces today that she wont be 'doing the whole Father Christmas thing' as she doesn't think she should make up these things and in-effect 'lie' to her DD. I suggested well some lies aren't 'bad' lies and surely she should indulge the child in this long standing tradition...

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 11/12/2011 08:00

Spike Milligan was a one off!

I remember a story about him in Eltham High Street. A bloke asked for his autograph. Spike said "Give me your address and I'll send you a signed photo" Photo duly arrives in post. A week later there is a knock at the door and theres Spike! "Well?? What did you do with it?" he asked to the bemusement of the autograph hunter

Esta3GG · 11/12/2011 08:07

Excellent garcons.
My fav Spike story was when he was ill in bed and had had a fight with his wife.
The doorbell rang and his wife answered it to find a postman with a telegram (it was years ago) which read "Can I have a cup of tea and a biccy?"

NorksAkimbo · 11/12/2011 08:12

I think it's sad to dispel the Santa myth; I love that my children (5 and 4) have been very thoughtfully considering what special treat they want to leave Santa (and his reindeer) to thank him for coming. It's a fairy story, make believe...not lying, and I will be sad when they no longer believe. The only part of the Santa story I won't 'do' with my kids is the idea that he won't come if they are naughty. I don't want Christmas to be about bribing them to 'be good'!

I remember pretty vividly the chat I had with my mom when I was figuring out that Santa wasn't real...I didn't feel lied to, or that my parents had gone against being open and honest...I wasn't really upset, but my mom sure was!

exoticfruits · 11/12/2011 08:20

I feel sorry for OP-obviously her parents failed to bring magic to her life. Just ignore her. I have know prosaic parents like that who have had imaginitive DCs and they have had to make him up for themeselves.

Sirzy · 11/12/2011 08:23

Norks I used to love leaving food and drink for Santa and the raindeer.

Each year I would leave a note saying who the carrot was for (coz Rudolph gets all the treats ;)) and much to my dads disgust I would make sure Santa had juice or milk because of course Santa couldn't drive a sleigh drunk!

MrsMuddyPuddles · 11/12/2011 08:27

Liluri, what is the "act the story out" approach please?
DH doesn't want to do father Christmas and I'm not bothered since DD won't miss what she's never been taught to expect, but now I'm not so sure. (A lady walking hr dog asked what she wanted from FC yesterday, after which point she started asking to see him... then my mother started pestering me about how it's required Xmas Confused )

troisgarcons · 11/12/2011 08:29

Twenty years down the line we'll be getting the next generations "my parents were so abusive to me - they told me Santa was all lies, I never had a proper childhood" sort of posts

exoticfruits · 11/12/2011 08:31

You can be sure that they will be giving their own DCs magic if their parents made them miss out.

Bonsoir · 11/12/2011 08:35

I know plenty of adults with zero imagination (France bourgeois culture was pretty good at stamping out any form of imagination in children in the 40s/50s/60s). They are bored, boring and tend to seek thrills in extra-marital affairs.

Do away with FC at your peril Grin

Bonsoir · 11/12/2011 08:37

exoticfruits - I don't think you can be sure of that at all! Where do children whose imagination was stamped upon early in life conjure up the imagination to provide a magical childhood for their own children?

needanewname · 11/12/2011 08:37

I know someone who told her children FC wasn't real, she now regrets it and her children are past the age of believing but she wishes she done the whole thing when they were younger

needanewname · 11/12/2011 08:44

My mum still believes, she insists he's real Grin

storminabuttercup · 11/12/2011 08:44

Like many others have said, it's a fairy tale, not a lie!

I remember as a child walking home from Christmas eve mass and trying to spot Santa in the sky, and one year I was convinced I saw him, I can still remember now what I 'saw' Santa delivered the presents that mum and dad had bought, along with a present from himself. It was magical and exciting.

Even now I love watching Christmas films and imagining for the length of the film that Santa does exist, I'm a big kid at heart.

When I realised Santa wasn't real I helped to keep the dream alive for my dsis!

It's each to their own I guess what they tell the kids, but it seems sad not to inject a bit of magic!

stuffthenonsense · 11/12/2011 08:45

From what i can see, FC is for the parents delight, i read my children the stories, did (and will do again with my youngest) the grotto etc, without ever saying whether or not FC is real, young minds can decide for themselves....however, if directly asked, then the truth is told...santa was a kind man who did a kind deed and we recreate his actions.

exoticfruits · 11/12/2011 08:51

Sorry-'sure' was the wrong word. They may be boringly mundane like the parents and then there isn't a problem. However, there is nothing to say that they will take after them,and they may be imaginitive and joyful.

lionheart · 11/12/2011 08:51

We don't do Santa either but obviously, this means we must take full responsibility for destroying the magic of Christmas and our children's imaginations.

Ho HO. Xmas Shock

pigletmania · 11/12/2011 08:52

YANBU at all, it is sad that the child will not experience some of the magic of childhood e.g. tooth fairy, Santa. But yes each to their own I guess, some people are miserable!

exoticfruits · 11/12/2011 08:54

sorry-'imaginative'-not sure what happened to my spelling!

Morloth · 11/12/2011 08:56

I don't know, we didn't have Santa growing up and I don't feel the need to do it for my kids.

I write my own dungeons for our DnD game so feel like my imagination is intact. One day I will work up the courage to send my book to a publisher...

It isn't actually that big a deal.

birdsofshoreandsea · 11/12/2011 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elinorbellowed · 11/12/2011 09:12

I don't think we ever REALLY believed in our house. It was always with a nod and a wink, and when I was older, I had to maintain the fiction with my little sisters, but with a nod and a wink too. I actually think it worked well, because I don't remember any shock when I was officially told (by a teacher!) because I kind of knew. We're doing it with our kids, but I intend for it to be with a nod and a wink too. If they are bright they work it out early.
My sister has Downs and still believes, in her twenties. Which I think is a downright shame, because my parents get no credit! No amount of telling her shakes her faith!

SJisontheway · 11/12/2011 09:16

Of course children will not miss what they've never had and it's possible for Christmas to be a wonderful time without Santa, but there is a certain magic in believing which no amount of family gatherings, decorations or church services can replace. I certainly will not be denying my children that magic and do find it a bit sad that children miss out on this due to their parents principles ( cultural reasons aside obviously)

SJisontheway · 11/12/2011 09:18

I don't think that's sad at all Elinor. I think how wonderful for your sister.

Morloth · 11/12/2011 09:20

Why cultural reasons aside? What is the difference to the kids?

So it isn't sad to not have Santa if you are say Jewish but it is if you are Christian?

How does it make a difference if it is principles rather culture?

Esta3GG · 11/12/2011 09:22

What the fuck is "attachment parenting"?
Do people seriously spend their days labelling their parenting styles?!!
What a miserable sterile dreary little world some people inhabit.

When my son and I go to the woods and looks for the trolls - is that lying? When my son and I throw little messages off the pier so that the mermaids can read them - is that lying?
When we pretend a man with flying reindeer comes once a year to bring prezzies - is that lying?
It is just make believe. Kids do it instinctively.
Some adults lose the capacity - and some clearly never had it. Poor sods.