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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some women don't like other women because they are pretty?

400 replies

RainbowSheep · 07/12/2011 20:48

I really struggled with this at school, girls didn't like me much and I could never work out why, looking back it is because I was very pretty (I'm not syaing I'm better than anyone else or the most beautiful woman in the world btw). I did have some very good girlfriends but was never accepted into groups of girls. I found this a lot throughout my life and it used to really get me down.

I have noticed it reared it's head at the school gates again, it has taken me a good few years to be accepted by the other mums, being shy doesn't help either.

AIBU to think this is something that often women (obvioulsy not all women!) don't like other women who they think are pretty??

OP posts:
Feminine · 07/12/2011 21:17

Actually ,what I think is even harder is having the cheek to be born with good looks and a sharp wit ...that does wind some females up!

It is easy to see a good looking woman/man and assume that just because they have been blessed in the looks department they just have to be thick... SO not true.

Feminine · 07/12/2011 21:19

hassledge my DH is an ex male model ...still great looking.

He would say the same as op and I have been witness to other men behaving like jerks round him.

Works for both sexes imo

FreudianSlipper · 07/12/2011 21:19

you know what i used to think the same thing then got a wake up call working with the most stunning women ever that everyone loved

i was just a tad too self absorbed and wrapped up in this beleif, yes some women may have been jealous most i beleive could see through me

now everyone likes me :)

MarshaBrady · 07/12/2011 21:20

See it happened the other way for me Hassledge. Skinny and a brainiac til 16. Then better after 20. People were loads nicer. So many more nice things happened to me.

MenopausalHaze · 07/12/2011 21:21

I agree with Esta all the way on this!

And it's not just women - men who are handsome, or think they are, are every bit as irritating as women who are, or think they are, pretty.

Pretty is a very silly word anyway and by it's very nature implies someone so lacking in depth that they think looks are the beginning and end of everything. I couldn't really care less if someone is conventionally good looking or not - and it's not really a reason to dislike them. If they are arrogant self obsessed shallow twats - well - they are that whether they are pretty or not.

Original poster
RainbowSheep · 07/12/2011 21:21

Esta3GG - I don't think anyone despises me, except perhaps you Hmm

OP posts:
pictish · 07/12/2011 21:22

Oh button up Esta - you're just trying to justify being judgemental by making out the OP is a baddy. Well...she's not...not for stating that she is pretty. There's no crime in that. She hasn't elaborated...just stuck to facts.

You're jealous!!

Beaverfeaver · 07/12/2011 21:22

I am as straight as a laser, but even I appreciate a good looking / pretty woman.

I have disliked pretty women when they are arrogant or rude, and the same with not so pretty women.

I also like looking at naturally attractive women to try and gauge what it is about them that makes them noticible attractive as its not always the same. Sometimes it can be as simple as good posture or well fitting clothes and nicely applied make up. I then take a mental note and try it for myself

WhatsWrongWithYou · 07/12/2011 21:23

Oh, a core group who just don't like you? There's one of those in every playground, it seems (at least, according to MN). And yes, some women never left the playground - ignore and move on.

But it's true that shyness = aloofness in some people's minds. It's a perception I suffer from myself. If you're an introvert people find it hard to fathom you as well - you're weird in their eyes.

Best cultivate people you like.

JamieComeHome · 07/12/2011 21:24

Menopausal
but some people do care how others look, and if they feel themselves lacking, because they have poor self-esteem, then they may not bother looking further to find out what's underneath. I don't have a problem believing that happens.

Feminine · 07/12/2011 21:24

Esta how mean...op is allowed to wonder...good question too.

PlumpDogPillionaire · 07/12/2011 21:24

Menopausal - how do you gauge whether or not someone 'thinks' she's pretty?

Esta3GG · 07/12/2011 21:25

Sigh. No OP I don't despise you.
But way to go for not bothering to even engage with any part of what I am saying.
Maybe it is this trait which prevents you from forming deeper relationships with people rather than envy of your pretty face.

MenopausalHaze · 07/12/2011 21:26

If I understand you right Jamie you're saying that some people stop with their first judgement on how someone looks? Yes? Well fuck that - I simply wouldn't want to know someone like that whether they were judging someone pretty or otherwise.

JamieComeHome · 07/12/2011 21:26

nice

Original poster
RainbowSheep · 07/12/2011 21:26

I guess it is a bit of a mixed blessing being attractive & shy. I have found as I get older and am not as good looking as I used to be that women are more relaxed around me than when I was younger, which is a good thing. I am genuinly looking forward to middle age, when hopefully I will be more confident and people won't judge me on the way I look.

OP posts:
MenopausalHaze · 07/12/2011 21:26

plumpdog - by their actions shall you know them!

OriginalChristmasPoster · 07/12/2011 21:27

I would hate to be pretty, sounds wishy washy, so not jealous at all.

I'd rather be stunning or beautiful or striking Grin

If this theory is true, do people hate other women for being intelligent, witty or tall?

I don't think that way, I would see a pretty flower, a funny comedian or a beautiful person and appreciate them, but I don't compare myself like that.

JamieComeHome · 07/12/2011 21:27

sorry - the "nice" was to Esta

Menopausal - I agree with you, but then I think me and you are probably OK with ourselves

Feminine · 07/12/2011 21:29

ok original I was being modest.

I am actually beautiful. Wink

PlumpDogPillionaire · 07/12/2011 21:30

Ah, but you don't, you see...
I bet if you meet someone a bit shy and quiet, and she's 'plain', then you find her interesting, likeable or sympathetic - or at least you don't assume that she's arrogant and stand offish, where as if she's pretty... you assume she's socially lazy and self absorbed.
I know I sound judgemental about you, but... 'by their actions', and all.

smellsofreindeersick · 07/12/2011 21:30

I wish I was a bit too pretty

And didn't smell of sick

ShirleyKnot · 07/12/2011 21:30

God Forbid any woman should say that she is pretty or clever or funny.

It is a sin to admit that you like yourself, it is also a sin to say that you hate yourself..Goodness me, where are we supposed to be? Self depracating I guess while still being "HAWT" Hmm

Ignore all of this OP - tis bollocks!

Best guess is that your problems are related to your shyness which can come over as coldness - try and be brave and smile at people, maybe make a friend of a parent of one of your children's friends. If this doesn't happen don't worry - it's only the school run sweetheart. In 10 years time this will all be over! Grin

MenopausalHaze · 07/12/2011 21:30

Oh I am Jamie! And I'm glad you are too! I always think that although there's plenty you can do to change the appearance you were born with (well, to a certain extent) - what is certainly more difficult is to progress from being a shallow judgemental tosser who can't be arsed to scratch the surface - whether that surface be pleasing to their eye or otherwise.

brdgrl · 07/12/2011 21:30

I won't say it never happens....
but I would say that I personally am much more put off by women who say things like "they just don''t like me because I'm too pretty!" (or too smart, or too strong, or too opinionated, or too nice!). Almost invariably, there is something else going on. I have known a great many very pretty girls and women. Some were quite popular and some were not. The ones who were genuinely liked, however (as opposed to being popular which is a different thing) shared one characteristic. They didn't make an issue of their looks.

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