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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some women don't like other women because they are pretty?

400 replies

RainbowSheep · 07/12/2011 20:48

I really struggled with this at school, girls didn't like me much and I could never work out why, looking back it is because I was very pretty (I'm not syaing I'm better than anyone else or the most beautiful woman in the world btw). I did have some very good girlfriends but was never accepted into groups of girls. I found this a lot throughout my life and it used to really get me down.

I have noticed it reared it's head at the school gates again, it has taken me a good few years to be accepted by the other mums, being shy doesn't help either.

AIBU to think this is something that often women (obvioulsy not all women!) don't like other women who they think are pretty??

OP posts:
Hardgoing · 07/12/2011 20:56

I like pretty women, I am intrigued by them and have had loads of really pretty friends over the years, it certainly wouldn't put me off in the slightest. The pretty mums I see at school also seem quite popular, I do agree with the others that your shyness is probably what makes you not so popular (unless every single one is a minger at your school gates).

Having said that, I have been on the receiving end of being a bit isolated and not fitting into a group of girls, but sadly this not due to my amazing good looks.

JamieComeHome · 07/12/2011 20:56

bet your boobs are mahoosive too

maybenow · 07/12/2011 20:57

in my experience the prettiest women are popular and have lots of friends. sorry.

Original poster
RainbowSheep · 07/12/2011 20:57

I was very pretty at achool, I looked a lot better then, I'm not as pretty as I was. I didn't ever think I was pretty at the time, I had very low self esteem.

There is a new mum at school who is incredibly beautiful, the other mums are really off with her but she is lovely.

OP posts:
JamieComeHome · 07/12/2011 20:57

sorry that last was to Hecate, although I'm sure you are well-endowed too Hardgoing

Esta3GG · 07/12/2011 20:58

I'm not vain or arrogant

And yet you do consider yourself to be very pretty.
And you seem to think that the sole reason you are failing to connect with other women is because they are so jealous of your physical appearance.
Sounds pretty vain and arrogant to me.

larks35 · 07/12/2011 20:58

I doubt it is solely because you are pretty. Perhaps the combination of prettiness and shyness comes across as aloof. Perhaps your background of not being accepted in groups of girls in your youth makes you less able to access groups of women - I have this problem myself.
I think yabu to think it is down to being "pretty". Most young females and indeed males are pretty imo.
Are non of the other women at the school gates pretty? Are you the only one?
I think you should delve deeper if you feel that something about you turns others off you, I very much doubt it is to do with your good looks.

troisgarcons · 07/12/2011 20:58

Vanity isnt an attractive trait in anoyone - and a lot of not particularly aesthetically pleasing people are vain!

I think, OP your shyness, which will transmit as reserved, is probably your 'problem'. If you come across as unapproachable then you are effectively self isolating.

daveywarbeck · 07/12/2011 20:59

There's a woman who wears hotpants and over the knee socks to pick up her child from school (yes, even in this weather). Her thighs are half the size of mine, but she has cellulite. She's not as all that as she thinks she is. Are you?

CheerfulYank · 07/12/2011 20:59

Pics! Pics!

PlumpDogPillionaire · 07/12/2011 20:59

YANBU: both women and men make some bizarre and very misogynistic assumptions about pretty girls/women, and tend to read shyness as arrogance.
'Prettiness' (as opposed to attractiveness) really winds many people up. The idea that 'pretty' women or girls 'get their own way' or are advantaged is quite a dodgy one.

I speak as someone who once was very pretty. As the years have passed I've become less pretty, but (I think) a lot more attractive. Life's a lot easier and I get bullied a lot less now. I don't think my behaviour's changed all that much, just my looks!

Original poster
RainbowSheep · 07/12/2011 20:59

Esta3GG - how is it vain and arrogant to say I was very pretty at school?

OP posts:
WhatsWrongWithYou · 07/12/2011 21:00

I agree that it's your shyness that's the main barrier, although I don't disagree that some women hate to see others looking prettier/better dressed/younger/thinner/blonder/boobier than them.

I think if you're confident and pretty you'll not let the coldness put you off, and just bowl up and say hello anyway.

Or you'll be confident enough not to give a shit.

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 07/12/2011 21:00

I wonder if perhaps they are making some assumptions.

you say you are very pretty but shy? Well, perhaps they don't see shyness. Perhaps they see a beautiful woman acting standoffish and aloof and interpret that as you thinking you're too good for them? Maybe they think a beautiful woman couldn't possibly be shy...

Whereas if you were a minger like me and shy, then they may interpret your apparent standoffishness and aloofness as a lack of confidence.

It really could be interpretation of your manner based on your attractiveness. They expect that someone who has a face like a bulldog sucking piss off a nettle will lack confidence, so they see it. They expect that a beauty will be confident so when they see shyness, they don't understand it and think you are horrible.

If that makes any sense.

Which it probably doesn't.

JamieComeHome · 07/12/2011 21:00

Esta - I don't think it's fair to say that she's arrogant or vain that she's identified herself as pretty. She might be mistaken about the reason for her unpopularity, but the fact is that some people are really pretty.

I myself have lovely hair, and I don't care who knows it

pictish · 07/12/2011 21:01

Esta chill out ffs. She's stating a fact, and not in a vain or arrogant manner at all.
She knows she's pretty...that doesn't mean she's vain OR arrogant.

I have great hair! I really do! People like me and I am reasonably popular among my social circle. I am also neither vain nor arrogant.

slavetofilofax · 07/12/2011 21:01

YANBU.

And being aware that you are fairly pretty does not make you vain or arrogant. In the same way that being aware that you are good at maths, or gardening, or sewing does not make you vain and arrogant.

I think though that sometimes pretty women can be the worst to other pretty women. It's like some of them really don't like the fact that they are not the only pretty Mum on the playground, they want to be the only one. And the Mums that seem to think that because you are fairly pretty/wear make up/dress nicely then you must be out to flirt with their husbands are the biggest joke ever.

Original poster
RainbowSheep · 07/12/2011 21:01

I do have big boobs but am quite skinny. I wear jeans and boots, deffo don't get dressed up or wear make up for the school run.

OP posts:
HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 07/12/2011 21:01

bursting out of my double Ds jamie baby Grin

PlumpDogPillionaire · 07/12/2011 21:01

Esta - you're proving the point, really by assuming that pretty = arrogant.

MarshaBrady · 07/12/2011 21:03

I don't think this is true. Definitely not at school, the prettiest were popular without a doubt. And now not in the social groups I am in.

JamieComeHome · 07/12/2011 21:03

Ooh good point Hecate. People do make assumptions.

I am intrigued by people who are, by any objective measure "ugly" but are quite beautiful, or sexy at the same time.

SinicalSal · 07/12/2011 21:03

esta people can have a realistic assessment of their own good qualities, we don't have be constantly berating ourselves for imaginary flaws.

Original poster
RainbowSheep · 07/12/2011 21:04

Yes, I think women think I'm stuck up becaiuse I'm shy and I don't think the way I look helps me out at all when it come to making friends, a bit of a vicious circle!

OP posts:
Feminine · 07/12/2011 21:04

I am quite pretty.

I made my living from my looks for 17 years ...

As a younger girl yes, I was treated unfairly by other women/girls.

Not now though ...they wouldn't dare Grin

Seriously though op YANBU.

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