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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some women don't like other women because they are pretty?

400 replies

RainbowSheep · 07/12/2011 20:48

I really struggled with this at school, girls didn't like me much and I could never work out why, looking back it is because I was very pretty (I'm not syaing I'm better than anyone else or the most beautiful woman in the world btw). I did have some very good girlfriends but was never accepted into groups of girls. I found this a lot throughout my life and it used to really get me down.

I have noticed it reared it's head at the school gates again, it has taken me a good few years to be accepted by the other mums, being shy doesn't help either.

AIBU to think this is something that often women (obvioulsy not all women!) don't like other women who they think are pretty??

OP posts:
JamieComeHome · 07/12/2011 21:41

Good question Original

It was the Miss world Trophy which gave me a hint

AnaisB · 07/12/2011 21:43

There's nothing wrong with knowing you are pretty OP.

I haven't noticed prettier people being less popular, but as mentioned above I think people presume shy and pretty= standoffish, shy and ugly=low self-esteem.

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 07/12/2011 21:43

Pah, Jamie- I got proposed to today in the sandwich shop queue by a bespectacled octogenarian: that's when you know you've made it.

OriginalChristmasPoster · 07/12/2011 21:44

I speak fluent mumsnet, txtspk and Doric

My facial features are in roughly the correct zones of my face

No wonder everyone hates me Xmas Sad

JamieComeHome · 07/12/2011 21:44

Yarp

BTW - excellent name BOF

Get0rf · 07/12/2011 21:44

I have two degrees.
I can swear extensively in german and say 'oh for fuck sake' in Danish.
I am no beauty though (god damn and blast ity to hell)

BlackCatinaSantaHat · 07/12/2011 21:45

I think people do judge others on how they look. So you can't win if you are pretty and you can't win if you are not pretty.
It's a sad part of human nature that people judge others without really getting to know them.

WibblyBibble · 07/12/2011 21:46

Eh where did you go to school? I'd love to send my kids there- where I was, it was pretty girls who were in groups, and bullied everyone else! I agree with people saying it's more likely the shyness than your appearance. Most studies on this show that 'pretty' people are treated better by peers, teachers, employers etc. The anecdotal evidence to the contrary doesn't really outweigh that in any way, so you are being unreasonable in that respect.

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 07/12/2011 21:46

That's not what I've heard, GetOrf.

JeremyVile · 07/12/2011 21:47

Jealousy happens, but I think its pretty much accepted that attractive people are, generally, more popular. And right from a very young age.

So I think its more likely that if this is something you have come across consistently, in lots of different social groups and settings, that there is another reason. Have you ever read a thread on here about shy people? My god, shy people really seem ot get peoples backs up (v unfairly imo).

JeremyVile · 07/12/2011 21:47

*Jelousy

Pantofino · 07/12/2011 21:48

You are allowed to be pretty and/or clever/young/speak 3 languages whatever. Only shallow people would JUDGE people at the school gates on these attributes. And if these are the attributes with which you view yourself, you too are shallow.

JeremyVile · 07/12/2011 21:48

Haha...im tired. And thick.

JeremyVile · 07/12/2011 21:48

fucking gorgeous though.

JamieComeHome · 07/12/2011 21:49

Jeremy - first time I've seen someone correct their spelling incorrectly Grin

Esta3GG · 07/12/2011 21:49

what a spectacular fucking wind up Grin

smellsofreindeersick · 07/12/2011 21:49

I fancy you Jezza

Hassledge · 07/12/2011 21:50

Shy people get people's backs up because it is just so bloody hard to tell the difference between shyness and rudeness.

TwoPlates · 07/12/2011 21:50

People are jealous. Jealous of different things: looks, money, status, number of children, dotting grandparents... Different people care about one of these things and don't give a damn about another. They cant all (the parents at your school) be into looks.

Flyingbuttress · 07/12/2011 21:51

My Mother was a great beauty, professional ballet dancer, model and also incredibly vain, she pushed both myself and my sister in to modelling when young. My sister looks like my Mother and is incredibly beautiful, I am really not in her league but am considered very pretty.

Both my Mother and sister have to some extent been messed up by being that beautiful. My Mother always said other women didn't like her due to jealousy and I have had women be on the defensive with me when their other halves have been around.

Personally I kicked away from that kind of glam lifestyle, much to my Mothers horror. My sister embraces it still and as we age she has suffered because she thinks that all she has to offer in life are her looks. They have both had very unsucessful relationships and have had periods of being very lonely.

I do admire peoples looks but I admire many other facets as well and though it is a cliche I do believe in beauty within. I have lost most of my vanity, you cannot help but get a big ego when strangers tell you that your beautiful. I was uncomfortable with the attention and am naturally a bookish type and disappointed my Mother hugely when I gave up modelling.

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 07/12/2011 21:52

I have no degrees and speak fluent hooey, bullcrap and double dutch Grin

However, I would like to say that there is nothing wrong with feeling like you are attractive. Nothing at all.

I mean, if you sneered at people, or went round like the big I Am, then you'd just be a twat. But to be able to look in the mirror and go, you know what - I like what I see... there's nothing wrong with that.

I look at photos of me when I was in my late teens/early 20s. I was really really lovely. I had beautiful eyes, great skin. I was pretty.

I thought I was the foulest looking creature on the planet. I had no confidence and I thought I was so ugly.

Now I am a grade A uggo. I look like a camel's arse. I wish that I had been able to see then that I looked lovely. I would maybe have had a bit of confidence. Instead I look at those pictures and it's like a different person.

I just don't think that we should put someone down just because they can look in the mirror and like what they see. There's nothing wrong with that.

GettinTrimmer · 07/12/2011 21:52

There's a gorgeous mum at school (looks like Lara Croft!), but she is very unapproachable, never makes eye contact, looks very deadpan all the time, never seen her smile. I have spoken to her a couple of time and is very difficult to make conversation with. She gives the impression nothing would be more boring to chat to others at the school gates so is on her own - probably she is very shy.

Anybody vivacious, fun and interested in others will draw people to them no matter what they look like.

droves · 07/12/2011 21:57

I think the op is right ...sometimes.

I got bullied at primary school because i was a child model .
I also got bullied at secondary school , because other girls thought I'd steal their boyfriends..
Early twenties , I stood myself at the school ,waiting on dc , none of the mums would talk to me ..I didn't understand why ,until one day ex-h came to the school and they realized I had my own husband and wasn't going after anyone else's. One of the mums ( who's now my friend) told me that .

My own sister is Envy of me, just because I look the way I do .

( and that's just an accident of genetics IMO ) .

I'm not the best looking woman in the world , but I scrub up well .

Dh says I'm beautiful. ( but he would ,he's usually after something Wink)

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 07/12/2011 21:59

"There's a gorgeous mum at school (looks like Lara Croft!), but she is very unapproachable, never makes eye contact, looks very deadpan all the time, never seen her smile"

Sorry. Xmas Blush Will say hello tomorrow.

Xmas Grin
yellowraincoat · 07/12/2011 22:00

It's hard to say. I am quite pretty, not stunningly beautiful, but ok-looking. People have said to me a number of times "oh you're quite nice actually, when I first saw you, I thought you looked really intimidating". It is quite weird, but I think it's a combination of being good-looking, wearing non-shy person's clothes but being horribly horribly shy.

I think people generally look at me and think "well she doesn't look shy, so she must be a bitch". I am not a bitch. I am quite normal. Just shy.

I don't think it's just women who dislike pretty girls. I think men hate them too because they feel the women have power over them.

"Everyone harbours a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room" as Ani DiFranco said.