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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is the school being unreasonable to leave my ds out because he lost his ticket?

204 replies

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 07/12/2011 17:04

Ds is 5 in reception. The school did a father christmas today, people dressed as elves came to the classroom to take the children to see father christmas who had come to see them in school and give them a small present. We paid for the tickets £2.
Ds lost his ticket today althoguh they did take a name list when we bought the ticket so they did know we had paid. So when it came to go all the other chikdren went and they kept my ds behind in he classroom so he didnt get to gi and didnt get his present, he still very much believes in father christmas and he was pretty upset about it - luckily when dh heard he suddenly found that father christmas had been to the house and left a present there (luckily i have shopped and wrapped already!). So ds is a little consoled but aibu to think thats a pretty shitty thing to do on behalf of he school. Yes he lost his ticket - but he is only in reception im sure they could have checked the list.

OP posts:
marriedandwreathedinholly · 08/12/2011 20:17

Here are the bare bones of a letter.

"Dear Head

My husband spoke to ds's teacher yesterday and we remain disappointed by the explanation for ds's exclusion from the visit to Father Christmas.

I am noting that we paid the £2 required and completed and returned the consent form. I would imagine you and your staff are aware of the disappointment and upset being "left out" causes for a child.

Please could you explain why a decision was taken to exclude our ds and why the school did not telephone to clarify our wishes. This would not have taken very much time at all (especially as only two children were affected) and in the longer term may have saved both time and unnecessary anxiety for the children concerned.

I am also disappointed that a child was excluded because her parents were unable to pay. Please could you explain how this relates to the school'c community cohesion plan and general policies in relation to inclusion.

I look forward to receiving your written response no later than Friday, 16th December 2011 and hope you will also confirm the school's formal procedures in relation to cohesiveness and inclusion at the same time. Please also include a copy of the school's formal complaints procedure with your reply.

With best wishes.

Yours sincerely

Dirtydishesmakememad

LovesBloominChristmas · 08/12/2011 20:46

This is so sad

daytoday · 08/12/2011 20:47

I'm disgusted. You should complain on behalf of all the other children who in the future might be excluded because of x y z reason. How could they actually carry it out?

I'm just imaging the teachers saying 'You two wait here - everyone else come with me - we're off to see santa and get presents.'

Utterly disgusted. I would be angry about the principle of it!

Morloth · 08/12/2011 21:01

Bastards, it is just so mean, they choose to make 2 little kids sad unecessarily.

slavetofilofax · 08/12/2011 21:03

If your dh thinks you should leave it, I'm not sure why you are making him talk to the school. Sorry if I've missed an obvious reason.

I just think that as you are more upset, you will be better at getting it across to the head how this sort of stunt actually makes people feel.

As someone that works in a year one class, I would say that the head definately needs to know how disgustingly her staff are treating children. I would also be concerned that they don't personally care that much about the children, and if that teacher didn't go home that night feeling mortified that two of her class were left out of something so big to them, she is very definately in the wrong job.

I would also tell your dh that doing nothing is likely to have a worse effect on the future children you have that will attend this school (if you continue to use it) than kicking up a fuss. This teacher, and others in the school will know what happened and they will know it is bad. They will completely lose respect for you if you say nothing, and they will be safe in the knowledge that if they make mistakes again, you won't bother to pull them up on it.

If they are going to behave that badly towards any child, you need to make sure that it's not your child that they do it to next time.

Rhinestone · 08/12/2011 21:11

Sorry if this has already been said but there's a small possibility the school is actually breaking the law.

I know this wasn't a school trip but if it had been then the school could only ask for a voluntary contribution and if children couldn't pay then they couldn't be excluded. I'm wondering if something similar applies to an event in school.

Think it's utterly shit and I would be complaining to anyone and everyone I could think of.

prizeelliott · 08/12/2011 21:24

I think this is horrible. I am a teacher, and I would sooner pay £2 from my own pocket than see any child go without (in fact spend far too much money on school...much to my dh's annoyance!).

Think you should go and speak to someone about this. Not nice at all. If they are going to invite Father Christmas into the school, they have a responsibility to ensure everyone is included. This sort of thing gives us teachers a bad name, I personally care very much about the children in my class, and this would upset me as much as if it were happenning to one of my Dc's.
Feel all sad now...hope your little one is feeling better...well done DH for a bit of quick thinking x

ColonelBrandon · 08/12/2011 21:24

There are a lot of teachers on this thread voicing their distinct disquiet. I certainly would be speaking/emailing the head to voice my shock and disapproval at an inordinately crass decision that left two young children hurt, ashamed and confused.

ShellyBoobs · 08/12/2011 22:02

I've got tears in my eyes just thinking about how your DS and the other little girl were left out. What utterly heartless sods those staff are.

I actually feel even more sorry for the little girl, tbh. At least with your DS it was a mix up, albeit a bloody awful one, and he knew he'd had a ticket. The little girl must have been just heartbroken and confused about why the others were getting a treat off FC. Xmas Sad

My SIL is a reception year TA in a school in a deprived area. She's not exactly made of money but to my knowledge she's already bought cheap hats and gloves for 3 little ones who are without them in her class this term.

I'm certainly not saying that school staff should be regularly paying out of their own pockets for things but I honestly thought that most would be like my sister in being unable to see such a young child left out, singly. Surely there's always a way around a situation where 2 young children are left out of a treat for the sake of £2.

TroublesomeEx · 08/12/2011 23:04

ShellyBoobs I used to avoid telling my DH how much money I paid out for the children in my class that I couldn't/wouldn't claim back. I would not see a child left out like this. If a child's name was on the list that would be enough for me. And if only one child in my class had not paid, I'd be paying for them.

It's Father Christmas fgs!

mummakaz · 08/12/2011 23:19

What bloody arseholes, I would go ballistic if that was my child. Especially that they are 5 yr olds believing in santa and they leave them out, wankers. It's proper pissed me off and they're not even my kids

ShellyBoobs · 09/12/2011 00:13

It's Father Christmas fgs!

Exactly! There's a huge issue here, IMO. Little ones are being told that FC doesn't visit if they're naughty and then the f'ing school go and do this to them!

Anyway, you've restored my faith, FolkGirl.

confuddledDOTcom · 09/12/2011 01:10

No one else has asked this I think but why are they offering your money back and not offering him the present that they brought with it?

I feel for the little girl who would have been on her own if things had gone differently.

This week has been our school's Y6 show (they do it at Christmas) and because it's such a tiny school all but Reception take part (they do the nativity instead). I asked for 4 tickets for the first performance and 2 for today's but I couldn't pay. They were fine about it, let me pay when I could, I even got to watch half of yesterdays show whilst I waited for my daughter (we were asked to pick them up after half an hour if we weren't watching as they only did the first song) without a ticket.

The HT told me the other day that they often have problems applying for help for families because they're so willing to help out themselves, she said "we see everyone here as family and that's what families do". She's trying to get me some help at the moment because my middle daughter (3 at New Year) was IUGR so she's very tiny (weighs 11kg) and is on the normal side of hypermobile so she finds the walk difficult and it can take an hour to walk each way to school and no buses. I have long term PGP and fibro which means I walk with crutches, I have the baby in the sling so can't carry Tiny Legs and I don't have free hands to push a chair. We're not entitled to anything because my eldest isn't statemented - they don't consider that it's not just the pupil who has to walk to school! - but HT is doing her best to get some help. I haven't got bad stories about teachers (although know "there's no bullying in our school" schools!) but this school is a wonderful example, I can't imagine it ever happening like that there.

recall · 09/12/2011 01:53

Very upsetting Sad

savoycabbage · 09/12/2011 02:47

I would be concerned about my child continuing with this person as a teacher.

Jacksmania · 09/12/2011 03:46

I'm really loving the sample letter someone posted upthread.

This is shit and needs to be dealt with. Your poor little peanut :(

mybrainsthinkingfuckyousanta · 09/12/2011 04:51

marriedandwreathedinholly

an excellent letter: OP I would definitely send that to the head/governors.
It is crisp, succinct and professional whilst making it crystal bloody clear you know how badly they screwed up.

tvmum1976 · 09/12/2011 04:51

I honestly have tears in my eyes reading this. What a horrible bunch of mean spirited people.

brdgrl · 09/12/2011 05:13

absolutely horrible. i agree with the rest - give 'em hell.

your poor wee boy. :(

marfisa · 09/12/2011 06:24

I like the sample letter too. File a complaint with the school, and if that gets nowhere, file a complaint with Ofsted.

This is utterly unacceptable.

PontyMython · 09/12/2011 07:19

I agree with the letter.

Poor little girl too :(

picnicbasketcase · 09/12/2011 07:47

I know a primary teacher who had a class of 35 and only one child hadn't been able to afford a school trip. The teacher paid for the girl herself rather than see her miss out, and this was quite a lot more than £2. Only an utterly heartless tighfisted ratbag would rather a child was excluded from something than pay the money themselves.

Great letter - please do send it.

joben · 09/12/2011 07:59

have you asked to see the school's equal opportunities policy. I'm pretty sure it is illegal to deny children access to opportunities available to other children during school time on the grounds that they can't afford to pay (in the little girl's case). The school should not be charging for this IMO, and then relying on 4/5 year old children to keep their ticket as the admissions criteria is ridiculous. The HT sounds like an arse

MOSagain · 09/12/2011 08:00

I read this thread last night before going out to a concert in London and through out the evening I kept thinking about the OP's poor DS and that little girl Sad I can't believe that the teacher left them out, that is wicked.

As others have said, luckily your husband was quick of the mark and 'found' the gift from santa at home but I can't stop thinking about that little girl. Could they really not afford the two pounds? Sad
Is there anything we can do. I know someone else offered but I'd be only too happy to supply something for the family, presents, vouchers, anything. OP, is there any way we can get things to the family via you?

I think the head teacher needs to know immediately what has happened and if they have any decency, they will get santa back early next week with an extra special gift for those left out. I have just organised santa's grotto for my DD's school christmas fayre and have access to a santa outfit. Where are you and is there anything at all that us MNers can do to make it up to your DS and the little girl?

EssieW · 09/12/2011 08:10

Cracking letter!

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