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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is the school being unreasonable to leave my ds out because he lost his ticket?

204 replies

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 07/12/2011 17:04

Ds is 5 in reception. The school did a father christmas today, people dressed as elves came to the classroom to take the children to see father christmas who had come to see them in school and give them a small present. We paid for the tickets £2.
Ds lost his ticket today althoguh they did take a name list when we bought the ticket so they did know we had paid. So when it came to go all the other chikdren went and they kept my ds behind in he classroom so he didnt get to gi and didnt get his present, he still very much believes in father christmas and he was pretty upset about it - luckily when dh heard he suddenly found that father christmas had been to the house and left a present there (luckily i have shopped and wrapped already!). So ds is a little consoled but aibu to think thats a pretty shitty thing to do on behalf of he school. Yes he lost his ticket - but he is only in reception im sure they could have checked the list.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 08/12/2011 11:35

In a way leaving a child's who's parents can't afford the ticket out is even worse :(

If a school is having Santa in during school hours the surely it should be free for all or ask parents for donations :(

wannaBe · 08/12/2011 11:37

I am possibly going to be flamed for my first statement but on one level I can see why the school acted as they did in the absence of a class list. You only have to look at some threads on here to see that there are some parents who, for whatever reason, would actively choose for their child to be excluded from such an event, (be that religion/non religion/sheer scruge-ness). I can almost see the thread on here if a child whose parents actively hadn't paid for their child not to go to see fc had been taken to see him. And what five year old is going to say "no" when offered the chance to get a pressie...? So on some level I think the school are a bit damned if they do, damned if they don't iyswim.

However, if there were class lists available then I don't see why these couldn't have been used to check those children who said they had tickets but who couldn't find them.

And while I'm sure there is temptation to go to the local press, given there was only one other child who didn't go and that was because her parents couldn't afford it, I would think about whether the press might want to highlight her as well and whether that would put her family in an uncomfortable position..

HollyGhost · 08/12/2011 11:41

What duchesse said about bullying - if this is the teacher's attitude, she won't be dealing with it.

In your shoes I would like to think I would go to the local papers, but that is easy to say, you clearly don't want to get on the teachers' bad sides.

You could however email the head, explaining what happened and expressing your concern that there is nothing in place to ensure that children are not excluded because their parents can't afford to pay.

WorraLiberty · 08/12/2011 11:43

Give her a lump of coal on the last day of term

Love it Winter!! Xmas Grin

Sirzy · 08/12/2011 11:46

But wannabe when we are talking about such young children a list of who has paid should always be available. It is inevitable that a child will lose his ticket (and not beyond possibility that a child not going would steal a ticket)

They should have made sure those who had paid got to go

WinterWonderlandIsComing · 08/12/2011 11:48
Xmas Wink

I would be seriously tempted. Beautifully wrapped of course and left anonymously.

Pozzled · 08/12/2011 11:49

Wannabe, whenever I've had children in my class who couldn't do Christmas things or celebrate birthdays etc for religious reasons, the parents have always spoken to me right at the start of the year. It's usually also on their record and passed on from the previous teacher. If I hadn't been informed of religious needs, I'd assume that something like seeing Santa was fine.

TheOriginalFAB · 08/12/2011 12:01

I think a letter would be good. Make the suggestion that if only one or two children are left out they get to do it and the money is sorted out later. How anyone can stand by and see a 5 year old left alone for £2 ffs is unbelievable.

babyicebean · 08/12/2011 12:16

Another thought - are they allowed to leave two 5 year olds alone in a classroom for any length of time?

pigletmania · 08/12/2011 12:18

Well wannabe they could have called the two parents to confirm matters. Tbh they should not have FC visiting the school, what if children were excluded because of religious purposes, its not fair for a young child to watch most of their class getting a pressie from FC when they can't Sad. They are still very young at that age, and a pressie is a pressie whatever religion or beliefs you have.

pigletmania · 08/12/2011 12:20

This situation is so unacceptable and could have been prevented, if the adults involved cared and put a bit of effort in.

mummymccar · 08/12/2011 12:37

babyicebean - I imagine they would have left a TA to supervise.

We had a Jehovah's Witness child in our class for a while - the parents spoke to the class teacher at the beginning of the year and clarified which events they didn't want them participating in, all staff were informed and given information on the religion so that we knew how to deal with unexpected events (whether the child should go or not), alternative activities were always planned so that the child wouldn't feel left out by missing Santa, and any time anything new was planned we always double checked with the parents and made sure they were aware so that this kind of exclusion situation wouldn't happen.

I find it unfathomable that this school seems to be so heartless. In the case of the child whose parent's couldn't afford it the money should have been subsidised. Not doing so makes me wonder about their inclusion policy. Could you have a look at their website OP and see what it says? It may be worth a letter to the LEA about this.

To be frank, this really is the mark of a bad school.

Original poster
Dirtydishesmakemesad · 08/12/2011 13:13

Ok im back i fell asleep (tablets seem to be making me a tad drowsy!). Brian thanks for the pm thats a lovely thought i have no idea of the girls names and address sorry :(.

Im not sure that the teacher wouldnt have thought he wasnt allowed he has been to the other things (christmas dinner and we have bought tickets for things like the christmas disco). It seemed to be simply the fact they didnt think he had paid nothing else. He was left with a teaching assistant to play in the classroom he says at least not on his own that would be even worse!

I dont know why the payment was such an issue really maybe for he chocolate? But the actual father christmas was just some staff in the hall dressed up so i dont get why the teacher would have had to pay out of her own money or anything along those lines.

The teachers in reception one was my older daughters year one teacher last year and is really lovely it seems so out of character for her to be like this the other ( my ds teacher) i dont really know but at parents evening she seemed fine a bit serious but not some sort of child hater either so i just dont get it!

I have made dh promise to speak to someone else tomorrow i think he has agreed just to stop me threatening to march down there Grin

OP posts:
cubbie · 08/12/2011 13:21

That was just downright bloody mean, the teacher should just have taken him and made sure he got a present. I teach 6year olds and I'd never leave anyone out. Santa visits all our wee ones, about 4 or 5 classes, and they all get a present. The PTA pay for them. I often bring in tinsel for the Christmas parties as there is always a few who forget to bring their party clothes. A bit of tinsel makes them feel the part. I've even taken it off the school Christmas tree in the past.

If we have a Christmas Fayre or something that they need money for, invariably, someone forgets. I always give thos children money, 20p or so will buy them something. Some teachers say they won't, but I just think, what if it was my dc?? I do ask thrm to bring me the money in, but don't bother too much, just look on it as a donation.

I haven't read the rest of the thread so apologies, but I hope you complained! (will try and read later)

MarthasHarbour · 08/12/2011 13:43

this thread has made me so Sad my DS is only 2 but he is the sort who would be devastated to miss out on things, especially once he gets a grasp of what iti s all about.

i understand you dont want to rock the boat but, well i think you should, this is unacceptable behaviour and i am marking my place to see what your DH makes of it tomorrow

x

Maryz · 08/12/2011 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YankNCock · 08/12/2011 14:09

I think Maryz is right, you'd be better off putting it in writing to them exactly what is so wrong with what they've done, and how you've already tried to address it verbally and were misunderstood/fobbed off.

seeker · 08/12/2011 14:11

I would be very worried qbout the collective judgement on other topics of this school.

WilsonFrickett · 08/12/2011 15:02

Words actually fail me. What a bunch of knobbers and I know who won't be on Santa's nice list this year... I also really hate the way schools have become so money grubbing in the name of 'fund raising' lately. There is no excuse for excluding two 5 yo's from a visit to Santa...

wannaBe · 08/12/2011 16:15

oh I wasn't disputing that the school was in the wrong, just offering up an alternative explanation iyswim.

"Tbh they should not have FC visiting the school, what if children were excluded
because of religious purposes," I disagree with that tbh - the majority should not have to miss out because a minority do not participate in these activities due to religion

But I do agree that children shouldn't be simply excluded because they didn't/couldn't pay, and that if there was a list of who was supposed to go then it should have been adhered to.

Clawdy · 08/12/2011 16:24

Very unusual situation. I have never known a primary school where parents paid for Santa's gift. Invariably it is paid for with school fund,and no child is ever left out.

MonaLotte · 08/12/2011 16:42

I think that is disgusting behaviour. I feel sorry for your DS Xmas Sad

EndoplasmicReticulum · 08/12/2011 19:30

I can't see how this was anything but a massive mistake by the school, and I feel so sorry for the little girl.

I still remember a FC related trauma from when I was at primary school - we lined up to see FC who was giving out presents, the girls were getting something pink, the boys were getting cars (it was the 1970s, I don't think they worried about gender stereotyping).

Anyway, my parents used to cut my hair in the same style as my brother's. You can probably guess what happened. I still remember how sad I was that FC thought I was a boy!

EssieW · 08/12/2011 19:43

Horrible horrible teachers. I'm shocked at heads response - has no idea about how 4 and 5 year olds think. DS (also reception) - lost his money for children in need day and was quite upset and embarrassed but school didn't make a big deal.

I'd complain further too. Letter to head copied to governors (and PTA if involved in organising the event).

hocuspontas · 08/12/2011 20:02

I'm getting upset about that little girl now because had op's ds had his ticket she would have been all on her own and the school don't seem to care how she would have felt. Santa came to see all the children except her. Sad It was bad enough there was just two of them. What teacher wouldn't have found some way of including them? I would make a fuss, just so they don't repeat this next year.

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