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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is the school being unreasonable to leave my ds out because he lost his ticket?

204 replies

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 07/12/2011 17:04

Ds is 5 in reception. The school did a father christmas today, people dressed as elves came to the classroom to take the children to see father christmas who had come to see them in school and give them a small present. We paid for the tickets £2.
Ds lost his ticket today althoguh they did take a name list when we bought the ticket so they did know we had paid. So when it came to go all the other chikdren went and they kept my ds behind in he classroom so he didnt get to gi and didnt get his present, he still very much believes in father christmas and he was pretty upset about it - luckily when dh heard he suddenly found that father christmas had been to the house and left a present there (luckily i have shopped and wrapped already!). So ds is a little consoled but aibu to think thats a pretty shitty thing to do on behalf of he school. Yes he lost his ticket - but he is only in reception im sure they could have checked the list.

OP posts:

iscream · 08/12/2011 07:36

How horrible of the school to do that to the poor little tyke.

Luminescence · 08/12/2011 07:52

Fuckers.

HumanFly · 08/12/2011 08:03

pigletmania, I don't know the finer details except that she was awesome when she went into MamaBear mode - you know that immense, chest-swelling pride you get as a kid when your parent comes into school, even if it's for a play or whatever? Only this time, it's for you and she's on your side! I just remember her walking into class with me the next morning, muttering about how a big rabbit with tartan paws was every bit a teddy to me as a "teddy" teddy bear.

OP, I hope your little boy is OK about it all....they should bring FC back on a special visit just for him, with FC saying "ho ho ho, there's a little boy I missed last time" or something!

Sudaname · 08/12/2011 09:16

Thanks Ponty - its the way l tell em .

Yes it was lovely of her and it's one of those things that sticks in your mind forever really (obviously - as it was about 25 yrs ago). What a shame that this OPs story might also stick in her little boys mind - but his mum and dad sound lovely and supportive so am sure they will do/say everything they can to make up for it and make sure no damage is done to his self esteem. What l can never understand is that people who are petty and wont give an inch - even to a small child - are usually not very happy. Whereas 'its nice to be nice' as one of my uncles used to say' and that teacher always seemed a very happy soul as do most 'nice' people l know.

seeker · 08/12/2011 09:27

Check to make sure you've got the story straight, then go to the Head. I don't usually say you should bypass the class teacher but on this occasion if it happened as your ds said then you should.

Original poster

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 08/12/2011 09:45

Ok dh spoke to the head today. She said they didnt have the list for that class and so went on who had a ticket so two children (out of 60) didnt have one - they weee left behind in the classroom. She was aparently unhelpful and unconcerned and told my dh he would get hos £2 back as though she didnt understand that the £2 was neither here nor there.
I felt even worse after hearing the other little girls dad had not been able to give £2 as he just didnt have it and apparently the little girl had been totally devastated about it i kee hoping they had something at home for her but maybe not if money is so tight:(.

Im really annoyed.

OP posts:

ljgibbs · 08/12/2011 09:47

The mean, miserable bastards

mummymccar · 08/12/2011 09:49

How awful! The head just didn't care at all did she? I don't know about you but that has just made me even angrier!
Why did they not have the list? If that was staff error then they should have taken all the children regardless. Why didn't anybody subsidise their £2? When I was a TA we took all the children and those who couldn't afford it at the time were given the option to pay later.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/12/2011 09:51

What gits - that is utterly unacceptable. I suggest a letter to the head, copied to the Chair of Governors, outlining what had happened, and expressing your disgust at the way your child was treated and your disgust at the fact that any child would be left out of something like this on grounds of cost. Tell them that the £2 is neither here nor there, it's the fact that your child (and this other child) were deliberately left out of something that would be so important and special to a child of that age.

Tmesis · 08/12/2011 09:51

What ljgibbs said. It's terrifying that they just can't see how wrong this was on so many different levels.

Floggingmolly · 08/12/2011 09:53

Contact your local paper. Bet they'll print something, it's a human interest story at this time of year. that the head didn't give a shit, and assumed you were worried about your £2 refund!

WinterWonderlandIsComing · 08/12/2011 09:55

Well they had their chance to explain themselves so now I would be considering contacting the local press OFSTED and taking him out of that school.

I know that sounds utterly OTT but what the hell else do they get up to with attitudes like that?

seeker · 08/12/2011 09:55

Was about to say local paper, but I see someone's got there first.

Can't believe this- I am soooooo angry!

Notquitegrownup · 08/12/2011 09:56

I didn't enrol in the MN Secret Santa this year: if you pm me with an address, I would happily send the little girl something with a note from Santa saying that I wanted to send her a pressie as she missed out on seeing me at school and that I, FC, wouldn't want anyone to feel left out.

ChickensThinkYouCanGetStuffed · 08/12/2011 09:56

Oh, that is beyond shit. I was hoping it would turn out to be a misunderstanding on your DS's part. But this is disgusting. Kick up merry hell with the governers. What a truly appalling way to treat tiny children. Bastards.

Bloodymary · 08/12/2011 09:58

Oooh I am fuming on behalf of you and your poor little boy,

Plus I think Floggingmolly has a good point.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 08/12/2011 09:59

I don't suppose you could get the little girl something small and say it was left at your house with DS's by mistake could you?? Poor little thing :(

As for the Head. I would be seriously considering changing schools. Not because he's missed out on seeing FC - but because of their attitudes 2/60 being left out is just plain nasty and as for her 'you'll get your money back' - that just so spectaculaly misses the point.

diddl · 08/12/2011 10:00

OMG-she has completely missed the point, hasn´t she!

If there was no list they should have taken everyone as surely no list=their fault.

Let´s hope that they are not so slap dash about everything.

I´m assuming it was an outside firm who came in & did this-but I think it´s the sort of thing that if everyone can´t afford it then it shouldn´t happen or the school should pay the rest.

duchesse · 08/12/2011 10:00

Poor little man. I hope he doesn't remember about it later. The school behaved shabbily.

FreudianSlipper · 08/12/2011 10:03

that is so mean :(

it is just cruel to single out children in such a way

Original poster

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 08/12/2011 10:08

Ok i misunderstood on the phone he didnt speak to the head as shewasnt there he spoke to the teacher. My mistake ( thats what i get for trying to talk to someone on a mobile outside in a storm!).

Dh is now saying leave it and doesnt want t complain as ds seems happy and he doesnt want to get i the bad side of the teacher as she is head lf the foundation unit and even after ds leaves we have three more children who will be passing through there yet.

I wish i could march down there and complain myself but im stuck at how with high blood pressure and possibly the start of preeclampsia so walking two miles to the school may not be the best plan!. I am thinking of caling the school but not sure what good that will do.

OP posts:

duchesse · 08/12/2011 10:10

diddl I can pretty much guarantee from reading that this will be a school "without bullies" as well. Ie a school where it's easier to blame the victim than tackle the bully. That kind of attitude ime runs from top to bottom in a school- the fact that the teacher was willing to go along with it as well says it all really.
It's an appalling way to run a school.

This woman is in the wrong job (time for a move to Ofsted??) and the Governors should definitely be notified. Whether that's formally by letter or informally through the local rag is up to the OP and what she thinks will work best for her child(ren).

duchesse · 08/12/2011 10:12

Ah, x post. I would definitely ring the Headteacher anyway. Staff move on (some faster than others) and vile head of reception may not even be there when your younger children go through.

MollyTheMole · 08/12/2011 10:12

what Chipping said, Id be considering changing schools as they obviously dont really give a shit about the childrens emotions at such a young age

totally unacceptable, the shits

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 08/12/2011 10:13

I disagree with your DH - very strongly actually. This is one teacher in the school, the head needs to know how badly she handled this situation. You don't have to scream & shout (yet). Ring the school, speak to the Head. It is completely unacceptable and the Head needs to know about it.

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