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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is the school being unreasonable to leave my ds out because he lost his ticket?

204 replies

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 07/12/2011 17:04

Ds is 5 in reception. The school did a father christmas today, people dressed as elves came to the classroom to take the children to see father christmas who had come to see them in school and give them a small present. We paid for the tickets £2.
Ds lost his ticket today althoguh they did take a name list when we bought the ticket so they did know we had paid. So when it came to go all the other chikdren went and they kept my ds behind in he classroom so he didnt get to gi and didnt get his present, he still very much believes in father christmas and he was pretty upset about it - luckily when dh heard he suddenly found that father christmas had been to the house and left a present there (luckily i have shopped and wrapped already!). So ds is a little consoled but aibu to think thats a pretty shitty thing to do on behalf of he school. Yes he lost his ticket - but he is only in reception im sure they could have checked the list.

OP posts:
festi · 07/12/2011 19:42

have been thinking about this and I just hope that the kids where going forward a few at a time and handing tickets to elves and your ds did not go forward as he did not have a ticket and the teachers did not notice he had not been in any of the groups as that is something my dd would do at this age. if that is not the explination ansd he was deliberatly left alone in the class whilst the other went I would be expecting a personal appology from the teacher to the child and explain that santa had not forgeton him at it was her fault!!

AFuckingFestiveKnackeredWoman · 07/12/2011 19:49

Oh how miserable of the staff!

Santa visited ALL the children in the infants when my son was there.

I would expect the teacher to make it right with your son so he knows Santa isn't snubbing him

thepeoplesprincess · 07/12/2011 19:50

Oh that's awful. I really hope there's been a crossed wire somewhere.

ebbandflow · 07/12/2011 19:52

Def complain but agree it should be out of earshot of your ds. At my dd's school santa does visit and gives each child a book supplied by funds raised by the ptfa-a much nicer way to do it.

FabbyChic · 07/12/2011 19:54

Thats just plain nasty the bastards, give em hell.

DoingTheBestICan · 07/12/2011 20:11

I have a 5 yr old ds & the thought of him being all alone in class whilst everyone else went to see FC is very upsetting,your poor ds.

Well done to your dh for saving the day but i would really read them the riot act tomorrow just to stop it happening to any other child in the future,the mean minded twunts.

choceyes · 07/12/2011 20:19

Your poor DS how awful. I'd definitely be having a few words with the teacher and head.

GetDownNesbitt · 07/12/2011 21:21

What a bunch of bastards!

pranma · 07/12/2011 21:36

That is wicked-its too late for the school to put it right now but to treat a 5year old like that is appalling.I have a 5yr old dgs and I can imagine how distraught he would have been-please complain very strongly indeed.

TroublesomeEx · 07/12/2011 21:38

Very bad form on the part of the school.

This is the very reason why schools make a list of names too. You can't expect an excited 5 year old to remember their ticket.

I'd be making a bit of a fuss tbh and expecting DS to get an apology.

Poor little thing must have been distraught. Sad

ColonelBrandon · 07/12/2011 21:49

Charitably, maybe ds didn't go forward as he'd lost his ticket, they didn't notice and he was accidentally overlooked.

Otherwise, I'd be cross and having a discussion with his teacher and a follow-up email via the head if there was not acceptable clarification or an apology/means of making it right with DS. At that age these things are important.

But tbh I don't like the sound of any 'treat' like this, which means some children get a present and some don't. Sounds like potential for much upset and division.

Spermysextowel · 07/12/2011 22:11

How hurtful. He seems to've been very brave for such a little one.

I'm touched that his big sister helped to cheer him up. V kind of her.

IloveJudgeJudy · 07/12/2011 22:35

That's absolutely awful. At my DC's primary school the PTA funded FC to come and give each child a (very) small gift. It was great to see their faces. At first it was only KS1 and then expanded to all the DC. I cannot believe that a school would be so mean as to exclude a boy of 5. I cannot understand why you would have to pay in the first place, actually, but to leave him out - well, words fail me.

Please come back tomorrow and let us know what happened. Your DH was a very quick-thinking star, wasn't he, to tell your DS the story about FC and to have got him a present by the time he got home! That's a very heart-warming end to a chilling story.

Pozzled · 07/12/2011 22:41

This is so awful that I really really hope there has been some sort of misunderstanding. Such as... the Elves come and say 'Right then, everybody, line up and make sure you've got your tickets!' Teacher goes at the front of the line and doesn't notice your DS, who is unsure what to do and stays in the classroom getting upset. Even if something like this did happen, it is absolutely unacceptable- how could a teacher not realise that a child was left behind? But I'd rather think that than believe that your DS was left 'on purpose' IYKWIM.

The only way I would ever allow one child in my class to miss out on Santa is if the parents didn't allow it through religious beliefs or similar. And then I'd do whatever I could to stop them feeling as though they had missed out- give them a special job to do with the TA or whatever.

RueDeWakening · 07/12/2011 22:42

YANBU at all. I hope he gets an apology from school. It's a horrible thing to happen.

My DD was at preschool last year (class of 26 or so), and FC bloody ran out of presents! She and about 3 others didn't get anything Angry until the next day, which was fucking hopeless as santa didn't come back to dish out the presents, and the parents weren't there either. Bastards. It wasn't like they suddenly had 4 unexpected new starters, they'd all been there for 3 months by that point.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 07/12/2011 22:48

I would be *LIVID - it's unacceptable to exclude one child even if he hadn't paid - but to actually have a list of children that had paid and not even check that is totally unforgiveable. I'd be seething. Poor little mite. I hope you have assured him that it was the teacher saying he couldn't go and not Santa that said that!!

Rue - you have to wonder how they can fuck that up so spectacularly don't you :(

edam · 07/12/2011 22:51

Poor sausage, that is astonishingly mean of the school.

jasper · 07/12/2011 22:52

I never post on threads complaining about how schools have mistreated children because I often think the poster is being precious.

However I'll make an exception here! You are not in the least precious/unreasonable.

Unacceptable for a 15yo, never mind a 5 yo.
I hope you get to the bottom of this. As Pozzled suggested there may have been some sort of misunderstanding. I hope so. Too awful if the teacher told him he could not join in.

dancingmustard · 08/12/2011 02:18

I'd be the angry elf with the cats bum face in school reception wanting to suck the juice out of the heads head.

Morloth · 08/12/2011 06:08

Do you know, I am pretty laid back about most stuff that people go on about with the schools and my DS1 doesn't even believe in Santa.

But I would be spitting chips if this happened to him, how absolutely cruel and nasty. There really is no excuse they could possibly give that would make that acceptable, I would be tearing strips off the teacher for allowing it.

EricNorthmansMistress · 08/12/2011 06:52

How cruel.

TroublesomeEx · 08/12/2011 07:03

I completely agree Morloth.

Petty bureaucrats!

rainbowinthesky · 08/12/2011 07:06

When dd was in reception she was on packed lunches but we booked her a Christmas lunch. Noone lost anything and she was on the list for having paid. On the actual day the lunch staff didnt give her the Christmas lunch as dh had accidentally sent her in with a packed lunch not realising it was the day of the Christmas lunch.
As soon as dd went to lunch she told them but they didnt check and she had to sit separately on her own away from the Christmas lunch. She wasnt as upset as I was and I did complain but it was too late to put it right.

PontyMython · 08/12/2011 07:13

Sudaname I think that's the first time an MN post has made me well up :( that poor little boy, and what a lovely teacher... Even that would probably not be allowed now. At least she wouldn't be able to tell you about it.

OP it's not often you get a unanimous answer on AIBU, but jeez what evil bastards. I'm not inclined to be charitable TBH, having helped in our infant school for many different occasions I can say that no child is ever unaccounted for, there is no way that a child could be accidentally left behind. And if that was the case with your poor little lad, well that would bring up a whole new world of anger from me too, I would be very worried to think a child could just be left like that.

TestAnswers · 08/12/2011 07:18

YANBU

Completely ridiculous decision.

I teach secondary school children and I would be shocked if any of my colleagues were so inflexible and as a result treated a child in a similar way - and clearly they are much older!

I would find out exactly what happened from the teacher first though...