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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be considering withdrawing my child from collective worship next year

257 replies

Hopstheduck · 07/12/2011 12:07

First time posting in aibu, please be gentle! Grin

Starting thinking about this because the dts have a church service next week and we dont want them to attend. We are more than happy for them to learn about other religions, visit churches, etc. but feel uncomfortable with the idea of them actively participating.

Next sept they will be starting at a C of E junior school and I am wondering about whether to approach the school regarding religion in the assemblies. I know that on occasion the vicar leads these, and I dont want the dts becoming confused, or being expected to participate in christian acts of worship.

It seems to be uncommon these days to withdraw a child. I'd love to know if anyone else has approached it and how it worked out.

OP posts:
paulapantsdown · 07/12/2011 12:10

Well send them to a non Church school then!

WorraLiberty · 07/12/2011 12:10

Why would they become 'confused'...surely you'll speak to them about religion and open up whole discussions to lessen their 'confusion'?

Are you saying you're going to approach the school and ask if your children can actually be removed from assemblies??

DeliaSucksStollen · 07/12/2011 12:10

Why send DCs to C of E school then?

whatstheetiquette · 07/12/2011 12:11

I remember the children who were withdrawn when I was at school and they were just really embarrassed by it. In your position, I would tell your children what you believe in (unclear if another religion or athiest?) and that other people believe different things - in particular, the school is a C of E school. I would let them participate in the stuff the school does, including the church service next week. In reception, children will ask them why they are not doing x, y and z and in fact it makes it more of an issue IMO.

rabbitfeet · 07/12/2011 12:12

Is this a joke? Did you tell the school you weren't Christian when you enrolled the DCs? Seems peculiar to send them to a C of E school and then complain about the religious content!

For the record, I'm not religious and so won't be christening my child or sending her to a C of E school. You shouldn't either if you have a problem with active worship

pranma · 07/12/2011 12:13

How would it harm them to 'learn about other religions' through observation?
If you have chosen a CofE school then you have chosen all that that implies-otherwise you are being cynically and maybe unwittingly intolerant by wanting the benefits without the obligations.

mumblechum1 · 07/12/2011 12:14

You don't always have the choice of sending them to a non church school, though.

In our village we have a C of E school, and only two other primaries within a 5 mile radius, also both C of E.

Luckily ds is as much of a heathen as we are and just zoned out the God stuff.

DeliaSucksStollen · 07/12/2011 12:14

I think you need to give a bit more detail in your OP. Were there no other options for school choice? why choice this school if it conflicts with your beliefs?

marge2 · 07/12/2011 12:14

YANU. The school is C of E. Why should they make a special case for your children. Send them to a non church school if you don't want them to be involved.

marge2 · 07/12/2011 12:15

YABU clearly.

DeliaSucksStollen · 07/12/2011 12:15

Sorry, why choose

Hardgoing · 07/12/2011 12:15

Send them to a non-religious school. This won't completely cut down the participation but it will drastically reduce it. In a C of E school there will be lots of active promotion of the Christian ethos (which you usually have to sign a contract to say you support, even if you are not christened or a churchgoer to get in). In a non C of E school, I have found the religious content minimal.

You are going to get slaughtered on this one by the way, can you really not send them to another school if you are so principled?

QuintessentiallyFestive · 07/12/2011 12:16

Well, I will be watching this with interest, as it is always amusing when people send their children to a Faith school, then dont wont to take part in the community, only the good education on offer... Hmm

Enlighten us.

WorraLiberty · 07/12/2011 12:16

I assumed there were no other options

But I still think it's wrong to withdraw your child in a situation like this

OP are you afraid your children will come to know their own minds and actually want to participate?

TheSmallClanger · 07/12/2011 12:17

I went to a CofE school with vicar assemblies and am an atheist.

Most of the time, I don't think the kids pay that much attention, tbh.

Hardgoing · 07/12/2011 12:17

I also can't imagine why your children would be 'confused' about participating in assemblies, why would it not be easy to say 'they believe this, I don't'?

Make a fuss if you want, but all you will do is mortify your children and probably drive them into the arms of Jesus

Becaroooodolf · 07/12/2011 12:18

YABVU -send them to a nice atheist school then!

ChaosTrulyReigns · 07/12/2011 12:18

Good Lord.

fragola · 07/12/2011 12:19

I went to a C of E school. We had religious assembly every day and spent each Wednesday morning in church, as well as doing the usual bible / morality stories. I didn't believe as a child and I don't now, but I do have jolly good morals! What is it that you're worried about?

AKMD · 07/12/2011 12:19

YABU - as everyone else said, if you're that bothered then why are you sending them to a CofE school? Confused

Even if it is the only school in a 200-mile radius, YABU. They will be the odd ones out. Collective worship at schools is more about being nice to your classmates than reciting the 10 commandments. Learning about morals in a religious context can help children see where they come from and dceide for themselves whether they are things that they want to do.

Original poster
Hopstheduck · 07/12/2011 12:19

Regarding the school choice -

we don't really have a choice over the cofe school. The second nearest runs from ages 4-11, so doesn't accept applications at year 3 level. The third nearest is catholic. The fourth nearest is a half hour car journey in traffic.

I want them to go to their catchment school because it is within walking distance, it is where their friends are going, it is a good school, and ds1 goes there! Unfortunately it is COFE. It would be far better if all state schools were secular imo, but we're stuck with it.

'How would it harm them to 'learn about other religions' through observation?'

I have no problem with them observing, it is the participation that worries me, particularly prayers, etc.

the dts are going to be 7 when they start, so old enough to understand why if we did withdraw them, but I am concerned that it is an impressionable age.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/12/2011 12:20

Now Chaos we'll have none of that God speak here thank you very much Xmas Shock

EcoLady · 07/12/2011 12:20

A CofE school will have a full 'act of worship' assembly every day. The school I'm doing teacher training in at the mo has grace before lunch and an end of day prayer too. Each classroom displays a crucifix and the current bible passage topic, plus a 'reflection' corner.

Are you sure that a CofE school is right for your family?

Original poster
Hopstheduck · 07/12/2011 12:20

WHy does learning about morals have to involve religion, though?

OP posts:
paulapantsdown · 07/12/2011 12:21

My kids go to a CofE school (we are non-practising Catholics), and there are children of every faith in the school. None of these parents seem to have a problem.

You need to talk to your kids about what you feel about religion, and then get over yourself.

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