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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to kick DH out of bed?

169 replies

chinupbuttercup · 06/12/2011 21:37

When my poorly 12 yr old DS appears in the middle of the night seeking some comfort? Whenever my DC have been ill, I have always allowed them to take DH's place in our bed so that I can keep an eye on them and give them comfort if they wake, and DH has always been fine with this. Last night, however, he stormed out in a big sulk saying that DS was too old for this. DS, still poorly, has tonight gone to bed determined to stay in his own bed so as not to upset his Dad! AIBU to be a bit annoyed with DH? Things between us are generally a bit strained at the moment, so maybe this is just part of that Sad

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/12/2011 21:44

12 does sound a bit old not to be able to comfort himself but I suppose it depends on what's wrong with him exactly.

MogandMe · 06/12/2011 21:45

12! Hmm

YABU

Original poster
chinupbuttercup · 06/12/2011 21:46

Tonsilitis - temperature and throat like daggers.

OP posts:
PoppadumPreach · 06/12/2011 21:48

"I have always allowed them to take DH's place in our bed"

how kid of you, did your DH get any say?

even if it is tonsillitis - how will sleeping in your bed help him?

YABU - if you're so concerned, you go and sit by him in his room.

tentative123 · 06/12/2011 21:48

YABU - thats way too old for DH to have to put up with! 12 years of getting kicked out of bed seems an awful lot to me!!

PoppadumPreach · 06/12/2011 21:48

kid = kind

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 06/12/2011 21:48

I think you are.

12 is not a baby.

If he needs you, go in to his room and stroke his forehead.

There comes a point when getting in with mummy should be replaced with something just as loving, but a bit more age appropriate.

WorraLiberty · 06/12/2011 21:50

Oh YABU then yes

I thought you were going to say you worry about him choking on his own vomit or something as some kids don't wake when they need to be sick.

Backtobedlam · 06/12/2011 21:50

Ahhh, your poor ds. If he was poorly I think it's ok to make an exception. I'm much older than 12 but still like someone to cuddle me when I'm ill!

Original poster
chinupbuttercup · 06/12/2011 21:51

Does it make any difference to whether I am going to get flamed that we do have a spare bedroom? And that sometimes it has been me and the DC go in there? Blush

OP posts:
himynameisfred · 06/12/2011 21:55

You are being unreasonable to bring a 12 year old hil to your marital bed.

You should get up and go to his bed to comort him if you want to.

I sat by my sons' bed for an hour last night, stroking their heads, because the last thing I want is to bring them back into my bed (ater they both co-sleep for 2 years each).

Think about the bigger picture, not just what's easier for you at the time.

Icameheretotroll · 06/12/2011 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

Original poster
chinupbuttercup · 06/12/2011 21:56

I also have health anxiety which DH knows, which means I worry more than I should about what might happen if I'm not there for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
chinupbuttercup · 06/12/2011 21:59

To all those who suggest I sit by DS's bed, that way I wouldn't get any sleep whereas if he's with me, I can sleep but easily wake if he does.

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 06/12/2011 21:59

You should sleep in DS's room. YABU

WorraLiberty · 06/12/2011 22:00

I understand your anxiety but your DS is of an age where you're quite possibly going to turn him into the type of man who takes to his bed every time he has a cold if you don't stop fussing.

By all means, go in and speak to him. Give him some medicine and a drink and stay with him for a while, but I think the days of taking him to bed with you should be pretty much behind you now he's growing up.

MogandMe · 06/12/2011 22:00

Nothing is going to happen to your DS

Xmasbaby11 · 06/12/2011 22:00

Can't you sleep on the floor, put a mattress down next to his bed or something?

squeakytoy · 06/12/2011 22:01

And people wonder why they end up divorced...

SchrodingersMew · 06/12/2011 22:02

12 is way too old to be sleeping in with your Mum! Sorry but it just it, he's nearly a teenager.

Are you going to allow this when he is 15/16? I am shocked your DH has put up with this for so long.

Original poster
chinupbuttercup · 06/12/2011 22:05

Xmas baby - but there are two perfectly good double beds elsewhere.

Squeakytoy, that is not very kind! This is not generally happen very often and certainly not for the run of the mill colds, coughs etc!

OP posts:
calamityboo · 06/12/2011 22:06

you may have answered your own op hun, you are the one that has the anxiety, why does poor dh have to leave his bed, really 12 is a bit old for bed cuddles, and you are only going to pass your anxiety on to your kids if you keep this up. Also you did mention that you and dh were 'a bit strained at the moment' that might explain why he was less than pleased at having to leave his bed - again - for a poorly young un - again - which is more to do with your anxiety than any real threat to the ds - again. You may not think yabu as you have an anxiety that is really real to you, but you have to deal with it differently before a little strained becomes something worse..

ladyintheradiator · 06/12/2011 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DiscoDaisy · 06/12/2011 22:08

If there are two perfectly good double beds elsewhere then why don't you and your DS go and sleep there?
If any of our children are ill enough to need one of us to stay up with them then the ill child and parent carer go and sleep in the living room while the other parent stays in bed.

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 06/12/2011 22:10

Just out of interest, what age will be your cut off? The point beyond which you won't kick your husband out of his bed so your child can sleep in there?
13? 14? 15? 18? 19?

I am not having a go Grin I am seriously asking the question. Clearly you feel that 12 is fine to be slipping in with mum - and that's your call (although since you want to, I think it should be you getting out of your bed and getting in with him, rather than booting your husband out in the middle of the night!) Have you thought about it? how old is too old?