Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to kick DH out of bed?

169 replies

chinupbuttercup · 06/12/2011 21:37

When my poorly 12 yr old DS appears in the middle of the night seeking some comfort? Whenever my DC have been ill, I have always allowed them to take DH's place in our bed so that I can keep an eye on them and give them comfort if they wake, and DH has always been fine with this. Last night, however, he stormed out in a big sulk saying that DS was too old for this. DS, still poorly, has tonight gone to bed determined to stay in his own bed so as not to upset his Dad! AIBU to be a bit annoyed with DH? Things between us are generally a bit strained at the moment, so maybe this is just part of that Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
chinupbuttercup · 06/12/2011 22:11

Do you know what, calamityboo, I think you may be right. I think maybe my own anxiety is the problem

OP posts:
witherhills · 06/12/2011 22:12

I dont think it's a big deal for dh to move if his son is ill and wants to sleep with his mum
12 might be a bit old for this, but every family is different

Lots of overreaction here

SchrodingersMew · 06/12/2011 22:13

Hecate I really want to know this too as i think sleeping with a parent when in high school is off. And I am damn sure his friends would think the same.

If this is still happening when he is a teenager then there is a very big problem.

MrsPeterDoherty · 06/12/2011 22:13

My 16 year old daughter has recently been very ill, and she slept with me in our double bed. My husband had the choice of her bed or our DS bed (he's away at uni)
not unreasonable at all, op. 12 is still a child, and he obv needed your reassuring presence! Everyone who says 12 is too old for bed cuddles prob hasn't had a 12 year old yet.

GrownUpBelievesInSanta · 06/12/2011 22:13

I've kicked mine out of our bed so our friend can sleep in our bed, she's pretty sick and I am nursing her better at mine. I did sleep on the other couch for a bit, for solidarity, but she's been here nearly two weeks and I like our bed, it's much more comfortable.

As for children, if they were feeling terrible, then I'd ask DP if he minded because it's always easier to share a bed with them to keep an eye on them. I wouldn't just expect it, as he would have to go elsewhere since our bed is the only one bigger than a single.

himynameisfred · 06/12/2011 22:13

Chin up, your're concerned about you not getting any sleep, what about your husband not getting any sleep?

If you wish to sleep with your 12 year old, get a matress for his floor, then it's just you being affected by your choices.

Original poster
chinupbuttercup · 06/12/2011 22:14

Hecate, FYI I also have 14 yr old DS and I cannot remember the last time it happened with him, and he has been ill several times in the last year or so. There is just a time when they naturally don't want to anymore, and that is fine, isn't it?

OP posts:
GrownUpBelievesInSanta · 06/12/2011 22:15

And I still share a bed with my mum or sister sometimes, when we stay over. There is no cut off here... Grin

My mum has nursed me through some horrible kidney infections.

squeakytoy · 06/12/2011 22:15

It may not be kind but come on.. this isnt a baby, this is your son who in a couple of years will be probably doing his best to sneak around and get his girlfriends into his bed...

Would you be happy if your husband kicked YOU out of your bed?

SchrodingersMew · 06/12/2011 22:16

ChinUp But what if that time never comes with your DS? Will you ever give a cut off or just wait for him to stop?

himynameisfred · 06/12/2011 22:16

you don't need to send you child packing, you can get up and go to his room to settle him.
Sounds like laziness to be honest. Unless you're disabled?

baskingseals · 06/12/2011 22:17

op Yanbu
it's up to you as a family - i honestly don't think it's that big a deal.
hope he feels better soon, tonsilitus is horrible.

thepeoplesprincess · 06/12/2011 22:18

I do think 12 is well past the age for poorly cuddles in mummy and daddy's bed tbh. Throw him an aspirin and leave him to it.

MenopausalHaze · 06/12/2011 22:18

Your post MrsPeterDoherty is about the most ridiculous thing I have ever read on here.

Many of us have had, do have and nearly have 12 year olds. There's nothing that bleeding magical about them and they most definitely ARE too old to be climbing into bed with Mummy. That way makes for hideously pathetic partners and husbands.

Original poster
chinupbuttercup · 06/12/2011 22:18

himynameisfred, you have not read the thread properly - my DH goes to sleep in our (double) spare bed, or if I go in there, he gets our double bed to himself - so he probably sleeps much better than if I kept getting up to see a poorly DC or if they kept coming in to see me!

OP posts:
Original poster
chinupbuttercup · 06/12/2011 22:20

Are you for real, himynameisfred?

OP posts:
HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 06/12/2011 22:22

MrsP - rubbish. My eldest son is 12. I also have an 11 yr old.

chinup - I don't know if you intended that 'FYI' to come across as snarky or whether that is just my reading of it, but F Y I, I was posing a genuine question, how old is too old. I think that is a legitimate thing for someone to consider. If a child does not 'wean' themselves off sleeping with mum, at what age do you make that decision for them.

SchrodingersMew · 06/12/2011 22:22

ChinUp Do you honestly not think 12 is too old? I mean in a couple of years he will probably be trying to jump into bed with girls.

For some reason it doesn't seem right that a DS who has reached an age of sexual maturity sharing a bed with Mummy and even worse DH being kicked out for it.

MrsPeterDocherty I may not have a 12 year old but I have been a 12 year old myself, I would have been mortified at the idea of sleeping in my Guardians bed even though I did as a young child.

I also nearly died from tonsilltus and managed fine in my own bed.

Frawli · 06/12/2011 22:23

Whether you have him in bed with your or not is your decision of course but if I was your DH I would not be best pleased at being chucked out of my own bed, if you want to share with your son then you should be the one to move out of the room I think, especially as you have spare beds which are big enough.

Original poster
chinupbuttercup · 06/12/2011 22:26

OMG, my 12 yr old is way off puberty. There is no question of him having reached sexual maturity! To those who are pushing the issue, once puberty is hit, I wouldn't feel so comfortable with it, but I cannot believe those who are suggesting the inappropriateness of comforting a 12 yr old!!!

OP posts:
himynameisfred · 06/12/2011 22:29

Yes I'm for real.

At aged 12, a child really needs to learn to sleep alone.

Sitting by their bed for a short while to attend to them is the norm and a healthy course of action.

Your husband having to sleep seperately because of you wanting to sleep with your child is ridiculous.

I don't believe it's in a 12yr old's needs to have their mum sleeping with them.

WorraLiberty · 06/12/2011 22:30

Is he your youngest child OP?

WorraLiberty · 06/12/2011 22:31

Why is 12yrs old way off puberty? Shock

My DS is 12.6 and very much in puberty.

SchrodingersMew · 06/12/2011 22:32

ChinUp When I was at school all the 12/13 year old boys were obsessed with talking about sex and trying to have it and they all talked about masturbation. I would feel very uncomfortable having a child of an age to be able to think about these things snuggling up in bed with me, ill or not.

He's going to end up one of those men who are totally dependent on their Mum and then when they find a partner expect the same from them. My DP is one of those Men and trust me I at times resent his Mum for not making him deal with things on his own.

You may not think he is sexually mature but he probably is at least a good bit on his way there.

lucky24 · 06/12/2011 22:32

I think if DS needs comfort it is fine for him to be in bed with you but think you both should have gone into the spare room. There is no point waking DH as well for him to move beds when you and DS were already awake

Swipe left for the next trending thread