AIBU to kick DH out of bed?

[chinupbuttercup]

When my poorly 12 yr old DS appears in the middle of the night seeking some comfort? Whenever my DC have been ill, I have always allowed them to take DH's place in our bed so that I can keep an eye on them and give them comfort if they wake, and DH has always been fine with this. Last night, however, he stormed out in a big sulk saying that DS was too old for this. DS, still poorly, has tonight gone to bed determined to stay in his own bed so as not to upset his Dad! AIBU to be a bit annoyed with DH? Things between us are generally a bit strained at the moment, so maybe this is just part of that

Yes OP don't go.

You have asked a very reasonable question.

Stick around :)

you asked if you were being unreasonable, so why get off your trolley when told you are

why not just say can i have hugs and huns please cos i am a bit of a wimp and want you all to make me feel better

I can't remember any of mine wanting to come into bed with me when they are Ill, I go to them, get them what they need/want and go back to bed.

I can't remember ever getting into bed with my parents, when I'm ill I just want to be left alone to sleep

that will really make her want to stay toldyaso

Some posters always have to go back for more even after the OP has explained herself, you're like a child who has have to have the last dig.

Don't go OP, I got properly flamed on my first ever thread but if you pick your topics carefully, this place can be a real source of advice and at times, kindness.

I agree with munchkins, i got only one response on my first post and she was a proper bitch!!!! I left for ages but now have posted a couple more things and have actually found this to be a wonderful site for advice and support. Please dont be disheartened, some women on here really do deserve the mumsnet mafia nickname, but most really do just want to give advice. Asking aibu you will get cybe slapped, as well as supported. Please post again, if the mafia are geting a bit much, tell the buggers to piss off then hide the thread!!!!

dont leave op, i think it was a perfectly reasonable question and you got some odd and quite frankly worrying responses. you comforted your sick child, thats the right thing to do imo and i would do the same.

as for worrying about what his friends may think? well how exactly are they going to find out?!

serioulsy tho aibu can get a bit heated and some just use it as an excuse to flame/have a go at the op. dont take it personally :)

op everyone does things differently some co sleep with babies some would hate it.The problem often on mn is that people think their way is the only way and make huge judgements and frankly vile assumptions about things.Dont go.I couldnt sleep after my first flaming,i was really upset but now i couldnt care less and avoid aibu mostly.

Co sleeping with babies was just another example of how people differ in what they find acceptable.

Believe me, puberty can hit when you least expect it. Sometimes having a child in your bed can lead to a very embarrassing situation.

I'm saying no more than that, but, OP, there has to be a cut off point, where you just sit on his bed and stroke his hair until he sleeps, rather than having him in your bed. Better to do that well before puberty strikes.

Sorry you have scraped up the worst here OP, there is absolutely nothing wrong with comforting your kids when they are ill or even just troubled, no matter how old they are. Believe me, there's no age when you don't need your mum to comfort you. When I was in my early 20s and still living at home often I'd take my mum a cup of tea on Saturday morning and climb in with her, just to chat, and sometime have a moan or a cry (usually about work or along the lines of "why can't I get a boyfriend???!").

There's nothing at all weird about a 12 year old child, male or female, needing to be close to their mum, or their "primary carer" if that makes anyone feel better.

Take no notice of the weirdos who think there's something odd about a 12 year old boy needing his mum's comfort and companionship. Speaking as a woman with two brothers and three stepbrothers, I know how sad and damaging it is for boys to be expected to "be a man" far too early.

I haven't been on here long myself, but have lurked long enough to know that there are plenty of nice, normal, helpful people on here too.

As you said, you've taken on board the suggestions about not kicking DH out of bed - as far as I'm concerned you're just trying to do the right thing! Hope to see you again.

imperial does puberty strike over-night then?

Do you let a 12 year old boy sleep in your bed one night, then the following morning a six foot man hops out ,complete with an erection?

I agree with your second point, but I think you are sounding a bit alarmist!

I'm 20 and I still sometimes get in bed with my mum if I'm feeling sad or ill when I go home. I don't think there's anything weird about your son getting in with you, I think it's lovely that at 12 he still feels so close to you. Obviously your DH is feeling pushed out, but I think a father should understand that a 12 year old might still want their mum when they are ill.

But imperial that shouldnt be anymore embarrasing than a dd starting her periods and getting on her bed sheets or yours.I have 3 ds's all grown now but as a single Mum i had to deal with a lot worse than that. "I have a spot on my willy" is one of my least favourite memories,but they are your kids still even when they mature.

That's pretty much what happened, Feminine. I don't really want to go into details.

It is more embarrassing, ledkr, believe me and not just for the parent. I think a period is a lot less embarrassing than a wet dream, don't you?

Thats quite alright imperial I wouldn't want any more details:)

imperial Nope,not if your relationship is ok with your boys and in my experience with 3 boys you can really tell when they are in puberty or not,voice,hairy legs and armpits,bo etc etc.I presume maybe wrongly that op's little boy is as my 12 yrs old were at 12 and still little boys.I do remember some of their mates looking more like men than men though

Ledkr, my relationship with my son is excellent and though I had noticed he had started to grow he was only 11 and did not smell, was only just starting to get hairier legs etc. He was as shocked as I was, believe me.

Sorry Imperial i wasnt suggesting your relationship with ds was a problem
I guess it never actually happened to me/them but i had them very young and was mostly a single parent,we went through a lot together including all living in one room for a while and me having a mastectomy very young which i was very open about so they didnt get too scared.
To be honest they were more relaxed about our "ability to talk" I remember ds1 aged 16 asking me for condom advice,i was terribly cool at the time and then as soon as he went i was
Now im all set to be an ancient Mum of teen dd's who are currently 9 and 9 months,not sure what to expect but im sure it wont be fun in my 50's

YANBU it's not just comfotring for DS, it's so that you can keep an eye on him whilst getting some sleep. I don't see what the problem is. DS will stop wanting to soon anyway.

I really don't understand this idea that a man will be traumatised hard done by if he occasionally sleeps elsewhere in favour of his DCs. Nonsense. Any DP who would object to is being a knob IMO.

OP your DS will decide for himself when he's too big, until then you carry on doing what you instinctively feel is best.