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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to kick DH out of bed?

169 replies

chinupbuttercup · 06/12/2011 21:37

When my poorly 12 yr old DS appears in the middle of the night seeking some comfort? Whenever my DC have been ill, I have always allowed them to take DH's place in our bed so that I can keep an eye on them and give them comfort if they wake, and DH has always been fine with this. Last night, however, he stormed out in a big sulk saying that DS was too old for this. DS, still poorly, has tonight gone to bed determined to stay in his own bed so as not to upset his Dad! AIBU to be a bit annoyed with DH? Things between us are generally a bit strained at the moment, so maybe this is just part of that Sad

OP posts:
SchrodingersMew · 06/12/2011 23:30

Orange, my view point would still be the same if it was a 12 year old DD. They are in high school. Too old to be sleeping in Mum's bed.

However, as Fem said before, "each to their own".

Feminine · 06/12/2011 23:30

I am vile when ill too...no patience for it at all...I understand Wink

For this thread then,you have been right on target I guess?

SchrodingersMew · 06/12/2011 23:32

I guess I have. I think I should possibly go to bed with a glass of wine and stop being mean to people! :o

Feminine · 06/12/2011 23:34

yes, do!

You SO deserve it :)

leares · 06/12/2011 23:35

Is this a joke?

A 12 year old is far too old to still be sleeping with mum in her bed.

SchrodingersMew · 06/12/2011 23:36

I have my glass of wine but for some reason can't pull myself away from MN.

OP, sorry for hijacking the thread!

Kiwiinkits · 06/12/2011 23:46

YABU. Not only are you giving him the message that he needs you for everything (not an attractive trait to have as an adult man, I assure you), you are also setting up your son for years of anxieties/weirdness around illness. Time to loosen those apron strings, OP.

PontyMython · 07/12/2011 05:25

This is far too civilised for an AIBU argument!

SchrodingersMew hope you feel better soon - and the same to your DS, chinupbuttercup! I'm ill too... Had tonsillitis AGAIN and the after effects are sticking around despite antibiotics. And it's my birthday today. [oneupmanship emoticon] :o

troisgarcons · 07/12/2011 05:38

I can't think of any circumstances that would have me sleeping with any of my sons (16,15 and 11) - and I certainly havent done since the 15yo was 3 or 4. Fortunately the other two never did the creeping into bed thing. Mind you, I don't indulge illness either - it's a case of "here's your bucket and a packet of rich tea, I'm off to work, I might phone later if I remember!!!" Mind you, my 11yo has only had one day off since he started school 8 years ago.

sunnydelight · 07/12/2011 05:48

I think it's totally unreasonable to kick your DH out of your bed, it's not unreasonable to want to comfort your son. If there was another double bed available why not just de-camp there? i have a (just) 13yo DS and if I felt I needed to keep an eye on him would happily share the spare bed, but I certainly wouldn't kick DH out of ours to to do. I've got to say though that even though my DS is a bit of a mummy's boy and likes his cuddles I don't think he'd actually want to share a bed with me at this point!

witherhills · 07/12/2011 07:32

Have none of you read "love you forever"?! Grin

Why can't some people accept that families do things differently, and that every 12 yr old is different

NinkyNonker · 07/12/2011 07:35

A 12 yr old is not too old to be in mum's bed, what a weird thought.

However I think kicking DH out may be a little extreme, I can understand his annoyance. Depending on the size of bed all pile in together!

Heifer · 07/12/2011 08:00

I don't think 12 is too old at all to share a parents bed, if that is what he wants.

I also don't think it's fair to kick DH out of his own bed, so personally next time your son comes into your room get out of bed and both go into the spare room...

sorted Grin

mediawhore · 07/12/2011 08:10

Surely this is a joke? I teach secondary school and can not imagine a 12 year old (boy or girl) wanting to get into bed with Mummy!

The few that would you can tell at a glance as they are big wet blankets who will cry at anything and be fragile little flowers (eye roll!)

Your poor husband!

witherhills · 07/12/2011 08:12

Oh fgs

OatcakeCravings · 07/12/2011 08:18

Maybe its because I've a three year old whos sleep can be a bit patchy but my view is who cares where anyone is sleeping as long as they are actually sleeping! But thats three years of sleep deprivation for you!!

NinkyNonker · 07/12/2011 08:21

I'm a secondary teacher too, but that just means I know all children are different.

valiumredhead · 07/12/2011 08:40

Why is everyone harping on about puberty? We're talking about a cuddle from his mum, not a friend he's having to stay over, his own mum. 12 isn't that old, and I don't see the relevance of some of these crude comments tbh

A 12 yr old is not too old to be in mum's bed, what a weird thought

Quite!

It's threads like this that highlight the differences between MN people and people I know in RL because just about everyone I know would have no problem whatsoever having their kid in bed with them whether they are ill or not.

samandi · 07/12/2011 08:51

12 is far too old for a normal kid to be in bed with mum IMO and YABVU to kick your DH out of bed. I'd be extremely annoyed if I was the DH.

valiumredhead · 07/12/2011 08:54

'THUD' - that is my case being rested!

mumeeee · 07/12/2011 08:55

YABVU. 12 is to old to sleep in your bed. Yes it's nor very nice being I'll but you don't need them to be in your bed to keep
an eye on them. A 12 year old is perfectly old enough to call you if they need something.

coldwed · 07/12/2011 08:57

12 is still young. You are not being unreasonable. Hope your son gets better, op.

mumeeee · 07/12/2011 09:00

Just to clarify I don't mean a 12 year old is too old to get into bed for a quick cuddle with their Mum or Dad. But too old to actually sleep in the bed and take their
Dad's place. You should have just gone to you 12 year olds room.

samandi · 07/12/2011 09:04

Everyone who says 12 is too old for bed cuddles prob hasn't had a 12 year old yet.

We've all been 12 though. I find the idea of going into bed at that age with my dad and him throwing my mum out of their bed because he was so anxious about me that he had to sleep with me all night utterly bizarre.

When we were ill he used to come and check up on us from time to time in the night, bring us medicine etc.

4madboys · 07/12/2011 09:04

i dont see the problem but if your dh isnt happy to be kicked out of bed can you not go sleep in your ds's bed or a spare room? you did mention a spare room earlier in the thread.

tbh tho my dp will sometimes sleep wiht our boys if they are poorly, or i will, there is no moaning about benig 'kicked' out of bed, we are both parents and our priority is looking after the poorly child and making them feel comfortable.

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