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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not think my daughter should be made to use a changing room..

435 replies

hairnets · 04/12/2011 22:34

When getting changed after swimming with her Dad?

He told me today that she received a telling off ("major roasting" were his words) for refusing to use her own changing room after he took her swimming. He felt that it wasn't appropriate for her to get changed out in the open because there were other men about in the room.

She's 5.

I obviously think he's BU and I know exactly why I do but interested in what others think before I bang on about why he's BU - If that makes any sense!!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 04/12/2011 23:22

I guess I struggle with the fact that foolishly I procreated with him and now my DD, who I want to raise to believe she is more than a sex object, is having these small messages passed her way every time she's with him

that is utter crap.. it really is.

you have issues because your childs father is concerned about his daughters modesty... unbelievable...

Maleeka · 04/12/2011 23:23

or most of ours it would seem

PenguinArmy · 04/12/2011 23:23
Maleeka · 04/12/2011 23:24

damn you people post too quickly! Smile

squeakytoy · 04/12/2011 23:25

oh I get it now... Grin

He is a man, therefore he is a twat....

yup... maybe you should have posted it in the feminist section... Hmm

Original poster
hairnets · 04/12/2011 23:25

I think so too.. I was told in the summer that she had to wear a swimsuit or bikini at the local outdoor pool when she was running about in her knickers. Apparently it was for her own safety.

So it's not okay for a 5 year old to be in knickers in public, but fine to wear a bikini which is surely an adult woman's garment. Surely th ebikini is more sexulising?

OP posts:
Maryz · 04/12/2011 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 04/12/2011 23:26

Absolutely Squeaky Hmm

It's always the same isn't it?

If a Mother wants to protect her child's modesty, that's understandable.

If a Father wants to do it, he's bringing his own 'ishoos' to the table.

MenopausalHaze · 04/12/2011 23:27

'likes' squeakytoy's post

Ask to get this moved OP. Then you can all froth together about how every single man is a kiddy-fiddling wife beating bastard with evil intent.

FFS.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 04/12/2011 23:27

I think any person who gives a 5yo a "roasting" because she wouldn't go in a cubicle because she is frightened because of their own issues is a twat, yes

Original poster
hairnets · 04/12/2011 23:27

that's a weird conclusion to come to... does reading lad's mags and being a misogynist make a person a man? Confused

I know a lot of men who aren't twats.

OP posts:
PenguinArmy · 04/12/2011 23:28

worra there were other ways of doing it, he could have stood with a towel as a curtain in a corner rather than forcing her into a small enclosed space that would upset her

WorraLiberty · 04/12/2011 23:28

Oh I remember you now Hairnets

A bikini is not a 'woman's' garment...it's a female garment.

If you have such an issue about your DD swimming, you're probably best to take her yourself to be honest.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 04/12/2011 23:29

Don't be daft worra, it's quite clear plenty of women also have disfunctional attitudes towards their children and nudity, there are plenty of them on this thread.

The point is this bloke is giving his five year old a 'major roasting' for something she doesn't understand, when she's scared.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 04/12/2011 23:29

anybody who thinks this bloke doesn't have "ishoos" needs to read what the Op said he gave as a justification for his 5yo to be bullied into using a cubicle

squeakytoy · 04/12/2011 23:30

I dont see wanting to keep your daughters modesty as being an "issue".

I see it as being a sensible and thoughtful father.

Moominsarescary · 04/12/2011 23:30

So did he tell you why he asked her to use a cubicle ?

WorraLiberty · 04/12/2011 23:31

Reading lad's mags doesn't make him a bad person.

It's amazing how many men suddenly become twats when they're not longer in a relationship with the woman who was quite happy to fuck them and breed with them.

NO-ONE is perfect OP and I'm quite sure you fall into that category along with the rest of us parents.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 04/12/2011 23:31

'Keep your daughter's modesty'? Confused

What on earth does that mean? You mean keep her clothed? Or is modesty an attitude thing? I don't get it.

How is making her use a cubicle going to make her modest? And what is so good about being modest anyhow?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 04/12/2011 23:32

we are not talking about women, or even people in general here though, are we ?

personally, I am judging this man in this situation

isn't that what we do ?

now if I had said, or ever said, "all men are twats" then some people may have a point

WorraLiberty · 04/12/2011 23:33

So how long is your DD going to have to use a toilet with the door wide open OP?

Surely this is going to cause problems at school?

What's going to happen when she's on her periods?

You really need to start dealing with this soon.

Original poster
hairnets · 04/12/2011 23:33

How do you mean you "remember me" ? I am a regular poster but have never posted about this before - it only happened today.

I think a bikini is a women's garment rather than female because female children don't have breasts.

I do take her swimming myself but he also takes her swimming when she is with him on his weekends. Are you suggesting I should dictate to him where he takes her and claim swimming to be my domain?

OP posts:
Moominsarescary · 04/12/2011 23:34

Posted too soon, why he didn't think it was appropriate were the other men giving him funny looks for bringing her into the men's or does he just not feel comfortable

I'm asking because I got a few funny looks from women when taking ds6 into the female changing room

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 04/12/2011 23:34

moomins Op outlined upthread why this childs father was bullying her into using a cubicle, even though she is scared of confined spaces (as is he, incidentally)

A1980 · 04/12/2011 23:34

Why couldn't her just go in the cubicle with her and not made an issue out of it.

I once went into public loos and saw two children who looked about 5 years old peeing with the door open. I didn't bat an eyelid. They're babies, IMO.

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