to wonder why if parents are so busy and stressed and "non stop"....

[minxofmancunia]

they then go on to have more children??

expecting to be flamed but read stuff on here all the time ie "eldest 2 are driving me mad, youngest being so clingy and I'm pg with dc 4"

And other similar stuff, why do it if it's so terrible?? I'm not saying don't have a moan now and again, I have 2 and have found it so exceptionally stressful and exhausting I would never have another....

but tbh some people just seem to keep producing then being all martyrish about it, fwiw I think to have more than 3 you need to be an exceptional person with a high level of stress tolerance....and a fair amount of money.

They could have just been having a terrible day, though of course the father shouldn't have spoken to his son like that under any circumstances.

Yesterday I took DS and some friends to see Arthur Christmas. Another friend of ours came with her 4 oldest (8,6,4,3); presumably she left the baby at home with her DH. They sat in the row ahead of me and I didn't hear a peep out of them except a polite whisper to pass the popcorn every now and then.

LeQueen you're so right. Our children are well behaved. DS (before DD came along) was impeccably behaved and we always got complimented on his behaviour. DD is a bit more of a handful but still very good - just a bit feisty :D

My brother used to tell us we were lucky which really annoyed DH who used to say "we're not lucky. It's bloody hard work making it all look this easy!" which is true. My brother and others didn't see the the hard work that went on behind the scenes; the rules, establishing boundaries, the sanctions, the following through with the consequences even when it was upsetting/inconvenient, the consistency... It wasn't easy!

Too many parents give in for the easy life in the short term and then wonder what went wrong down the line.

Another one here whose children get treats/compliments from the restaurant for good behaviour.

Last time we went to one restaurant I heard DD say to DS "I'm going to take a picture for them and be really, really good. Then they might give us chocolate again like last time!"

I just find it a bit that their behaviour isn't the norm tbh!

I think I'd be pretty smug about that too!

Lequeen
We took our 3 dc's out for lunch yesterday , they were pretty good. Then a family came in with 2 dc's and there were SO LOUD! At the next table was a dad with one dc and he was even more noisy!!

Big families are not always the noisiest. Depends on the parents and sounds like the dad you saw was struggling

On the point of cramming the baby/toddler stage for all DCs together in order to get in out of the way: I think this is madness. And I am interested to see at my DD's school that a four or five year gap between no 1 and no 2 is very common indeed. Parents seem to be cottoning on to the fact that it is much less stressful to space your children well!

After DS's first meal at his new childminder's house (many years ago - I think he was 4) I picked him up and she was amazed that when she gave him his tea he insisted on sitting at the table and using cutlery rather than wanting to sit on the sofa and eat with his fingers with the others (it was a sandwiches and salad type tea).

That's my boy!

yeah, we've done the walking out of places thing too. You feel dreadful at the time (and have to ignore the tutty tuts for removing your screaming child). Although it only happens once (maybe twice when they test to see if you'll do it again) and then they are delightful!

It's no wonder really that this country is accused of being child-unfriendly when you see how some of them behave. Getting up, running around, playing by other people's tables so the parents can have a chat/drink. Reeeeaaaalllllyyyy annoying!

And on the "luck" point: I'm with LeQueen and others that good manners and well-behaved children aren't down to luck but to good upbringing.

A friend and fellow stepmother said to my DP the other day that we were so lucky that the DSSs "adopted" DD and that they all three got on so well. DP bit his tongue, but told me he really did think of telling her that if she wasn't quite so mean to her children and stepdaughter, her children might be a bit nicer (including to one another)...

Bonsoir - we have 7 years between ours. My friends with 2 very close together do seem to find it more difficult.

DS had 7 years of being our baby before DD came along and now he is becoming more independent, it means we can have the same quality time with her.

Bonsoir - I think some people assume that having children/being a family is easy because everyone does it.

Yes it's easy to have children and a family, it's not so easy to do it successfully. It doesn't just 'happen'.

I agree, and I also think that the work that goes on behind closed doors with no other adults to witness or validate it goes unacknowledged to the extent that it becomes invisible. A lot of parenting is good habits performed constantly, IMVHO.

So, as I only have 2 dc, do I have impunity to moan about them whenever I like without you judging my choice to have them?

YABU, your post reminds me of those vile "why have children if you're just going to dump them in nursery and race back to work" posts.

Narrow minded and judgemental.

Bonsoir Mon 05-Dec-11 13:51:41
On the point of cramming the baby/toddler stage for all DCs together in order to get in out of the way: I think this is madness. And I am interested to see at my DD's school that a four or five year gap between no 1 and no 2 is very common indeed. Parents seem to be cottoning on to the fact that it is much less stressful to space your children well!

22 months between mine. I love it. I guess it's only madness if you're the type of person to get stressed out and struggle to cope

It's not about struggling to cope - "coping" isn't the aim. It's about having plenty of time to enjoy each child to the full

I think it's about self aware enough to know what we can and can't do. Everyone has nightmare days, everyone has "arggghhh" moments/days/weeks however many children they have.

I probably couldn't have coped with a 22 month age gap, Kahuna. I like the fact that I have 7 years between! I'm not organised enough, or patient enough, or selfless enough. That's just a fact! :D So we made the decision to wait a bit. Not a decision that would suit everyone though!

Oh we do, thank you

Always felt sorry for schoolfriends with five year gaps between them and their sibs though nothing in common at all

I mentioned coping because you talked about it being stressful bonsoir, if you hadn't worked that out

"stressful" was a reference to the OP!