AIBU to think it's odd and sad for children to call their parents by their first names?

[madonnawhore]

One of my friends has always called her mum by her first name, not 'mum'. And her brother's DCs call him and his wife by their first names too.

I think this is a real shame. Whenever I'm with them and I see the little boy tugging on his dad's sleeve and saying 'Jeff! Jeff!'* to get his dad's attention, I just feel there's something wrong with that picture.

Not sure how you can be a parent and not want to hear your children call you 'mum' or 'dad'.

What do other people think about this?

*not his real name, obviously.

Ok, I didn't do the 3rd person thing. Is it usual??

I'm not sure. I thought so.

Maybe I did it more instinctively, because of not wanting to confuse her with ideas of 'me' when thats not my name? Autism (and hers is severe) involves a difficulty understanding 'other', so perhaps I didn't want to confuse her with the idea of me and my, plus the complication of my first name. My older dd refers to me in front of her as 'mummy' too, as does my DP. Hmm. Maybe it is quite a specific set of circumstances.

When I was young, many years ago, mummy was seen as 'posh'. My mother couldn't abide being called mum, so we started calling her Ma in a satirical Walton kind of way (har). We also referred to our father as Pa but to his face we called him Fred. Useful, as that was his name.

We'd never've called our mother Sarah, so not sure why it felt so natural to switch from daddy to Fred. When I did the speech at his funeral I called him Fred & no-one thought it odd or sad.

I don't like my DSs to call older friends by their Christian name, I would prefer that they call them aunty or uncle so-&-so even if they're not related.

Lettle, I'd never really thought of it before but the 3rd person thing is very usual. 'Come and see mummy', who does mummy love? 'mummy's going to take you up to bed now'.

I think in some ways this is instinctive because there's none of the 'who is I/ me/you stuff that they like to drag you into when they're older

I can completely see why people like to be called mum/mummy or dad/daddy in a heart-warming/ affirmation type way a la mrsjanglebells comment.

But I don't get why people think it is sad/odd/weird if other people aren't bothered about that and allow their children to use their parents names. I have never asked my dcs to use my name over my relationship title/job description but they often do.

What they call you makes absolutely no difference to the relationship you have with them. I'm not less of a mum because I don't hear it a million times a day!

'ral 70's Bohemians and my mother wanted to be seen as a person and not just a role'.

That just about sums up the mentality of most people who opt to do this. Certainly in the 70's it was a popular choice made by a specific type of parent who thought they had a point to make. Well I'm sorry, but to your child you are not just another person, you are a Mother and it is your role.

I disagree fellactio - I don't think in most cases the parents have choosen it for those reasons at all. Not these days.

It's just that the kids weren't 'corrected' when they tried using their parents names. IME certainly

I find that it is more grandparents who go for first names because they don't want to feel old.

My cousin always called his parents by their names which I thought was quite weird.

However, DD (7) has called me by my name on a few occasions (usually in a cheeky/jokey context) and although I though I'd be horrified and upset I actually didn't mind it at all. Wouldn't want it all the time though.

What rattled me more, tbh, was when she was very small (under 4) there were a couple of occasions when Dh bought birthday/Christmas cards on her behalf with 'Mum' on them rather than 'Mummy' - but perhaps I'm just odd!

My mother detested "Mum" based on little more than brazen snobbery and insisted on "Mummy". Ridiculous woman.

As we grew older, my sister and I strenuously resisted this stricture and fought to change to Mum, but despite many arguments our tiny rebellion was eventually quelled and Mummy persists to this day. I don't care anymore of course and even my younger bro, now a strapping big bloke, sticks with it.

My DS is tiny so I'm Mummy right now, but when he's older I'll be a Mum and proud of it.

i think its a bit weird but i dont care enough to be bothered by it.
my kids always call us mum and dad but sometimes for a laugh or to wind us up they will call us by our first name, particularly if theyre being sarcastic or if were having a calm argument/disagreement. makes me laugh.

YABVU

There is nothing sad or wrong about it, if tht's what the child wants to call their parents.

My DS never refers to me as mum to other people. He calls me mum if he's talking to me, but if he's talking about me he uses my name. I like that, it makes me think he sees me for the person that I am, not just as his mum and nothgin more.

I never told him to though, it's just what he does.

I love being called 'mummy' by 2 year old Ds, although he's started to call me 'mum' on occasion, which makes me a little sad as I didn't think he'd shorten it until much older. Don't know whether he's heard 'mum' elsewhere, or whether it's natural after shouting 'mummy' continuously to contract it to 'mum'.

He called Dh 'babe' yesterday. Won't be encouraging that!

DS1 went through a phase of calling me Basil ( Gawd knows why, it's not my name ) He stopped after I started calling him Daisy-May ...

I dont think its sad or weird at all.

I don't know, I generally call my mother by her first name, I always call my father dad, it is strongly indicative of the respect I have for each of them.

DS call me mama, DD mum, DS is older - I prefer mama.

Madonna what business is it of yours what the children call their parents.
Who gives you the right to dictate to anyone be it in person or behind their backs on a forum, how they raise their children, and what their children call them.
You are being very unreasonable and bang out of order.

I love MN-nearly 200 posts over something that is nothing more than personal choice! Why does it matter what others do?

My eldest two DS both call me by my first name, they always have. I don't see anything sad or odd about it. I have a name, they use it.

Meant to also say that my youngest DD calls me mum.

'Odd' and 'sad'? What weird adjectives to use about a non-event. Another here

Mm, my mum passed away some considerable time ago whilst I was pregnant with my first child (close to delivery actually). What I wouldn't give to utter the word 'mum' and for her to be able to hear it or even better the word 'grandma' - I wouldn't want my DC's to call me anything else but mum - I waited a long time for it!!

Ds has called me by my name since he was about 2 1/2 after hearing a friend from nursery calling her mum by her name and a whole list of other reasons that are not relevant.

It has never bothered me because I know I'm his mum, he knows I'm his mum and, in this instance, I don't care what anyone else's opinion is on the subject of my ds calling me by my name because it's no one's business.

People often feel the need to comment when they hear him use my name for the first time and I used to find myself explaining at length why he does it but now I just say 'yes, it's my name'.

I have friends who get cross with their dc if they call them by their names and think it 'odd' that someone could be so bothered by it.

I call my mum by her first name because when I was at school she worked there (not as a teacher). I felt silly at 13 years old calling her mum so I called her name like everyone else. And it stuck. My DS&B call her mum. We all call my dad various different names. It's not disrespectful. It's just the way it is in our house.