AIBU to think it's odd and sad for children to call their parents by their first names?

[madonnawhore]

One of my friends has always called her mum by her first name, not 'mum'. And her brother's DCs call him and his wife by their first names too.

I think this is a real shame. Whenever I'm with them and I see the little boy tugging on his dad's sleeve and saying 'Jeff! Jeff!'* to get his dad's attention, I just feel there's something wrong with that picture.

Not sure how you can be a parent and not want to hear your children call you 'mum' or 'dad'.

What do other people think about this?

*not his real name, obviously.

I'm not a frequent poster but feel compelled to add my tuppeny worth to this (somewhat) over emotional thread, though I think whyfrank has already summed up my thoughts very well!

Deckthehugewithboughsofmanatee "To me it feels like denying or minimising a hugely important detail of your relationship with your children. They're not elective friends, they're your offspring. I think that's important to acknowledge, and would wonder what experiences had led someone to think this relationship wasn't one they wanted to draw attention to."

REALLY? I think you may, in your speed to don your finest judgypants over a completely trivial issue, have totally misunderstood people's motivation in not getting their kids to address them by their formal titles.

My sister and I grew up calling our parents by their first names, they never told us to, or insisted on it, they just never referred to themselves as Mum and Dad so we called them what they called each other (disclaimer: we are from Irish stock, perhaps this does have some bearing? Although I do remember our Irish relatives thinking it was a bit weird and we were the only kids we knew who did this). We both have a great relationship with them, filled with mutual respect. In fact, I might even go so far to say perhaps our good relationships with them as adults is due to the fact not only do we see them as Mum and Dad but also as people in their own right (and to me, their first names are synonymous with mother and father anyway, these are only words you know, it's the relationship that counts) When I later went into business with my mother, it was very useful not to have to call her Mum in front of the clients...

When our daughter was born, we decided not to tell her what to call us, and sometimes she calls us mummy and daddy, and sometimes by our first names, which is fine with me. I really don't need a title to feel like her mother, or do you all think I should ask my DH to call me "Wife"? Our DD2's first word was my name (that should shock you all rigid) To me, her calling me by my name is equally sweet and magical (or dare I say it MORE) than the generic "Mum".

Our children call my parents by their first names too, and have a great relationship with them. So as far as I can see, what they call us means sod all. By the way, we never called any of our other relatives by their titles either, and I'm not even that mad keen on "Uncle" and "Aunty", but I guess that's another can of worms, eh?

I call my parents Mum & Dad, always have, but I do find that if we're in a crowded place (think M&S at any point in December) then saying her full name loudly "Sandra Jones*" gets her attention quicker than saying "Mum, Mum....Muuum"! Obviously not real name! Plus it's quite funny.

My Mum had a friend whos son called his parents by their first names. Sadly the Mum passed away a few years ago, but someone (I assume not the son as he was still fairly young) bought flowers that spelt out MUM. It didn't 'feel' right, because even though she WAS a Mum, she was never CALLED Mum!

My DS2 (5) calls me by my full name, including middle and surname, if he wants to get my attention, and shouting MUMMEEEEEEE hasn't worked! Makes me laugh, but only in those circumstances!

I've always been mummy to my three, and I like it. But I see no reason why that choice is superior to any other. My two nephews called their parents (let's say Sue and Dave) "Mummy Sue" and "Daddy Dave" which seemed a bit of a mouthful to me, but they have turned into the most loving and considerate 20-something young men you could ever hope to meet - hardly dysfunctional!

What I found odd and a little sad though was a neighbour of ours who always called his son "son", never by his name. It was always, always "come here, son" or "do this, son". And in conversation he always referred to him as "the son", for example "I had to take the son to school yesterday." It took us two years to find out he actually had a name!

My Mum taught in our primary school, all of us still call her "Mrs X" sometimes. I actually think she prefers it

Re: adults using Mummy - the people I know who do it are either TERRIBLY posh or working class NI protestants, nothing in between.

Mine say mum/mummy or dad/daddy but also use our names i think just because thats what other people call us. It doesnt really bother me i would prefer mum or mummy but its not worth an arguemwnt over it is my name after all :)

Huge Irish family here and never ever come across anyone who calls their parents by their first name so where the "it's an Irish thing" is coming from I don't know.

And sorry, but it's odd. Your business of course but still odd.

another vote for yabu.

i always called my parents by their names as they were real 70s bohemians and my mother wanted to be seen as a person not a role.

i have a fantastic relationship with my father altho oddly, now i'm an adult i usually call him papa when writing to him. my DCs always call him GrandCharles* which works well.

i have a shit relationship with my mother - it would be shit whatever i called her. the DCs rarely see her but when they do she likes to be called 'Nana' altho i try to annoy her and get them to say Nana hername

that's strange lamp, i have the exact same aversion to being called 'Mum' by my DCs as you have and also like you i love being called 'Mummy'. i've no idea what i'm going to do when they grow out of 'Mummy'. i literally shudder at 'Mum'. ds (3) has recently reverted to 'Mama' since hearing his younger sister say it - i rather like that

• his actual name not Charles

ChooChooWowWow My parents are foster carers and even though I was an adult when they had their first foster child I still go between calling them "Mum and Dad" and their first names, depending on who I am talking to and who is around, but it isn't really a concious thing. Before they became foster carers I always used mum and dad but now either fits, I also think people must think we are strange when out and about because my sister usually uses mum and dad, I use either and foster children usually use their first names. But it suits us all as a family and that's fine with me :)

How very odd that this would bother anyone. I always called my parents Mum and Dad but really couldn't give a toss whether my kids do or not. At the moment I am Mummy, which is lovely, but they sometimes experimentally call me by my first name in the hope of a reaction, and much to their disappointment and my surprise, I really don't mind. I am with others in that I don't really like 'Mum' and I think I would rather go by my first name than that, but I'll worry about that when the time comes.

I do think it's weird that anyone else should care though.

There is however nothing worse than being referred to as "the wife", in fact is pretty much grounds for divorce in our house

YABU imo. DD occasionally calls me 'Roman' and I find it quite funny. She usually still calls me mummy though.
I'm all for choosing my battles so as long as what my kids call me is polite it's not something I'm going to make a big deal over.

dd calls as both mummy and daddy with assorted variations but also by our names, at her school all teachers headteacher and all other staff are called by their first names
it works just fine
I like it when she calls me mummy or the word for it in my language because she is the only person in the world who can say that

Yup, I is terribly posh.

My son calls us Mum and Dad-his choice, and that's fine.
Our daughters usually call us by our given names-their choice and that's fine too.
I really don't mind.

I learned from my step son who had a very complicated family situation, that it doesn't actually matter what you are called-it's the relationship with the child that matters.
Being special in the life of a child, doesn't depend on what you are called.

My children are all grown now and we have a fabulous relationship.

My eldest did this for a while, after she constantly heard my parents call me by my first name. I got the feeling she did it to 'level' the playing field, ie to get onto one level with me.

I wouldn't mind being called by my first name but she is 3 now and she did it with a cheeky glint in her eye so DH and I were strict and asked her to call me mummy.

When my sister was about little she always wrote cards "To Mum and Tom" because she didn't know how to spell Dad. They are SO cute to look at now.

And my mother is so absent-minded she signs off her emails to me with 'Diane' all the time. I really don't think any of this matters at all.

I agree it's Strange....sorry but if my DDs started calling me Karen I would like wtf???

My cousins grew up calling their parents by their first names. I always thought it was strange, but they always had great relationships with their parents and more mature than I had with mine.

It depends when ths trend starts - when children become teens it may help them to feel mature and on a level?

I can't remember when my brother and I stopped calling our father 'dad', but it was a long time ago. The trouble is, we don't call him by his name either. We just don't directly address him by name at all. Even I think it's weird, but not much I can do after all these years.

also really suprised here, that people think its 'odd' and 'sad'. My dds interchange mum/mummy/bejeezus - ive never given it any thought. Its my name, its what everyone else calls me, why shouldnt my children? I dont call them 'daughter number 1' and 'daughter number 2', I use their names.

What does make my teeth itch, is grown ups callings their parents 'mummy' and 'daddy'

Im really interested to hear WHY people think its odd for kids to use their parents names?

Anybody can call me Jangle or Mrs Balls but there's only two people in this world that I have the privilege of being known as Mummy to.

Why would you ever not want to hear that?

I 'lost' dd at a fete (all be it in a closed hall), found with a lovely woman who told me dd had pointed me out and said "that old lady's my mummy" .

So it could be worse.

one of my daughters friends calls her mum by her first name i find it odd and a bit sad that she doesnt call her mum . The mum has a few things going on though and the girl is closer to her nan than her mum . but i find it weird ,

I just find it odd that people's kids don't just default to 'mum', if they've done the usual slightly strange third person thing when they are babies and toddlers: "Give it to mummy" etc. I think I may be a bit biased perhaps though, because, like silverfrog, I have a non-verbal child who is now 11, and because of that I have persisted in this habit. So if she ever calls me anything, i'll expect it to be Mum/Mummy.