to ask SiL to pay kennel fees for our dog over Xmas?

[bex2011]

We have been invited to my PiL over Xmas along with DH's brother and his family. They have said they will only go if our dog goes into kennels. SiL has a real problem with the dog and her children being in the same house. We have FiL has said he will put a baby gate at the kitchen door and the dog can stay behind that. Dog and children wouldn't need to be in the same room at all. This isn't good enough. Dog shows no signs at all of agression. She is fine with my niece and nephew and has adapted really well to having a baby in the house. Everyone who knows the dog and the situation thinks it's ridiculous and there is no reason why dog and children can't be together.

They will be at inlaws from Xmas day lunchtime until boxing day evening. The kennels have said that dog would need to go in Xmas eve before lunch until day after boxing day, totalling 4 days of kennel fees.

AIBU to ask them to foot the bill for this? Part of me knows that I am, but they show no degree of compromise to find a situation that works.

I don't like most flavours of crisps. The smell of cheese and onion and beef crisps make me feel physically ill. I would not ask someone not to eat them in their own home. It would be rude.

I'm terrified of balloons. I come out in cold sweats and feel like crying. I would not ask the host of a children's party to place all the balloons in a different room. It would be rude. I cope as best I can. It's like therapy in a way. Confronting my fear or whatever. It never works but I can live in hope.

I'm not fond of hamsters. I wouldn't ask a host to put their hamster outside. It would be rude.

I am allergic to cut grass. If I go to a BBQ I don't ask my hosts to not mow their lawn before I go. I take anti histamine and inhalers with me.

The world is full of things we don't like or that we fear or that cause us to be ill. You cannot avoid them all of the time. You cannot dictate what others do in their own home. Sometimes you just have to suck it up in the interest of being a reasonable person.

It's not SILs house. It is PILs house. SIL needs to get over herself, quite frankly. OP and PIL have compromised with the stairgate. She does not need to see or be around the dog if she does not want to. She has been accomodated for far more than I would have done for her or than I would expect to be done for me. She is, imho, rude, spoilt and ungrateful. It seems she likes things to be her way or the highway, which is fine in her own home, but not in other's homes.

Is the dog being shut in the kitchen a good compromise?

I would find that a bit gross TBH.

the same happened to us with our old dog Birdsgottafly, vaccinated against kennel cough but caught it after 4 days in kennels. She was really poorly and it cost us a fortune.

I think it's a bit cruel to put a dog in kennels over christmas really. I know they are only dogs :o but when you have children it's normal for them to spend holidays with their pets etc. I just wouldn't go to PIL.

I take it SIL is your husbands sister? I think a fair few of us will have funny sister in laws Mine screamed at me that I was a weirdo and has never apologised. I only answered the phone as well, had done nothing to her previous

I would assume that the dog would remain on the floor and would not be allowed to lick the turkey, nor would the turkey be carved on the floor.

@Dooing and turkey-licking

I love all the comments about dogs licking their own private parts as well when most humans lick other peoples

not randomly obviously

Keeping a dog in the kitchen is vile and disgusting and demonstrates a basic lack of hygiene awareness.
If the PILs are as keen on the dog as OP says, maybe SIL knows they lack basic hygiene awareness, around food and animals - stroke dog, prepare food, scoop up poo, serve food, etc - to me, this is unacceptable, and I just could not put myself of my dc in that environment. Just dirty, and I'd be totally on edge the whole time. Do they let the dog lick the plates? Eurgh.
PLUS, the smell of dog in a house, to many people, is repulsive. They do stink, badly. Dog owners seem to just get used to this smell, but why should anyone have to?

Why does MN so often descend into people thinking everyone is out to get them, or that people are trying to be precious or difficult all the time? I'm sure loads of people on here are lovely, but there is a contingent of people that think that anyone that doesn't think like them is being difficult and they should have words. It's like they dare not do anything nice for anyone lest they be considered weak.

Maybe the OP's SIL is a true bitch and is desperate to get one over on the OP and make the PILs CHOOSE BETWEEN THEM...but maybe having a dog around isn't very nice for her and everyone else is thinking that the OP is being too precious about her dog over actual people.

"I love all the comments about dogs licking their own private parts as well when most humans lick other peoples"

Into rimming, are you, FioFio? Even if you are, human anuses don't have the same level of issues as dog anuses. Maybe SIL doesn't trust that OP keeps her dog sufficiently worm-free.

To be honest, I would resent having to pay for 4 days of kennels that wasn't necessary (as the owner of the house is happy to have the dog there).

As others have said, I chose to have a dog, therefore she is my responsibility. But I don't see that responsibility lies in me having to spend a fortune unnecessarily, when the house owner is happy to have the dog around. Usually, if the dog's not welcome, I leave her with my parents or I don't go.

However, here, a compromise has been reached- dog will be kept out of the way. If SIL doesn't like it, she needs to come up with something that is a hell of a lot better than 'I would like you to spend a lot of money at Christmas on my behalf.' I couldn't afford it, to be honest, so I would either put dog in kitchen as agreed, or I wouldn't be going. Puts PILs in a horrid position but you've met SIL half way. Now she needs to think harder about acceptable solutions.

'We have been invited to my PiL over Xmas along with DH's brother and his family'

I love all the comments about dogs licking their own private parts as well when most humans lick other peoples

Am loving this thread! SIL is BU, by the way.

" human anuses don't have the same level of issues as dog anuses"

roar

dogs might be unhygienic, but children are FAR FAR more unhygienic, as my Vet pointed out to me once! He thinks it's amusing that people are terrified of catching something from a dog, when countless thousands of kids fall sick daily because they've caught chickenpox/flu/d&v/slapped cheek/ear/nose/throat bugs from other CHILDREN!
And children are usually only afraid of dogs because they've had a nasy experience with one (which is very very rare) or because they've been taught to be scared by their dog phobic parents. My girls were both quite wary of dogs until we got one and they are very confident with dogs now.

Explain 'level of issues'?

OP, what sort of personality does your dog have? Is it "bouncy" (ie jumps all over you), "friendly" (ie barks its head off when seeing people) etc? You don't have to have a full blown phobia of dogs to not like this behaviour.

I don't like jumpy dogs, or dogs that sniff me inappropriately etc. Maybe that's the level of discomfort that your SIL has?

babybythesea, to people who can't stand dogs (the stench, the yapping the slobber, the smell, did I mention the smell?), keeping the dog in the kitchen is not a compromise. Plus, it really is very unhygienic, to those of us who care about hygiene

Erm how is the kitchen and good solution? Will your silence and her children not need to go in there? Will they have to ask every time they need a drink or a slice of toast?

Yabu, this does not sound like a comfortable solution to me and my guess is that if your pil had to honestly choose between your dog and sil & her family they would choose sil everytime. It is only your implication that it is you and the dog or Noone that has forced them to find a compromise. Bite the bullet and put the dog in the kennels, costs and situations like this are what you should consider before taking on a dog, particularly the breed you have gone for. And Btw dogs neither know or care that it is christmas fgs

I also have a vibrating budgie in my kitchen

And I love the idea that being allowed into the kitchen instantly means the dog will be licking plates! Whole lot of assumptions TBJP - the OP hasn't said her PILs don't do what you suggested (clean up poo then prepare food) but to suggest they do because they are happy to have the dog in the house strikes me as a bit, um, hysterical.

Have a dog, dog is allowed in kitchen, floor gets sterilised every day, dog has never yet licked a plate and I have yet to smear my hands in her poo and then serve dinner.

Fair play, those who don't like dogs don't like them and I don't expect you to love mine just because I do. But please don't decide that owning a dog makes me dirty and unhygenic. (I've had dogs all my life, and now my dd is living alongside them - we both seem to be fairly healthy so far!)

lottie my DS is scared of dogs after one so called "friendly" one jumped up at him and wouldn't stop. Nothing major but it was enough. He's 2 so hoping he'll grow out of it but I was pissedoff about it as ask people to pick DS up when dogs are about so he can learn from a safe distance that they're usually ok (I wasn't with him when it happened).

Explain 'level of issues'

Dogs bumholes get more drafty