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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask SiL to pay kennel fees for our dog over Xmas?

412 replies

bex2011 · 30/11/2011 09:00

We have been invited to my PiL over Xmas along with DH's brother and his family. They have said they will only go if our dog goes into kennels. SiL has a real problem with the dog and her children being in the same house. We have FiL has said he will put a baby gate at the kitchen door and the dog can stay behind that. Dog and children wouldn't need to be in the same room at all. This isn't good enough. Dog shows no signs at all of agression. She is fine with my niece and nephew and has adapted really well to having a baby in the house. Everyone who knows the dog and the situation thinks it's ridiculous and there is no reason why dog and children can't be together.

They will be at inlaws from Xmas day lunchtime until boxing day evening. The kennels have said that dog would need to go in Xmas eve before lunch until day after boxing day, totalling 4 days of kennel fees.

AIBU to ask them to foot the bill for this? Part of me knows that I am, but they show no degree of compromise to find a situation that works.

OP posts:
wildfig · 30/11/2011 19:48

brilliant. This is like the SIL caravan holiday thread all over again, but with tinsel and dogs.

[pulls up chair, opens Quality Street]

JinglePosyPerkin · 30/11/2011 19:52

My last post on here as I'm getting far too worked up about something that's nothing to do with me but.

Your PIL's have made a decision because you made them. Do you seriously think that they'd rather spend Christmas with your dog than with all of their grandchildren? You are totally abusing the fact that they want to see your DS on his first Christmas with the whole "if doggy can't come we won't come" ultimatum.

Your SIL is a person who doesn't like certain breeds of dog to be in the same house as her DCs - which is totally understandable BTW. Your dog, however lovely she may be, is a dog.

I feel really sorry for the PIL's being made to choose between grandchildren all for the sake of a dog. And to say things like "SIL can still go, no-one's excluded her" etc. is just rubbish when her reason for not going is her fears for her DCs safety.

Original poster
bex2011 · 30/11/2011 19:54

It didn't occur to me what an impact a hairy mut, some tinsel and a couple of stubborn relies would cause - note i'm including myself in the stubborn category.... not as stubborn as SiL though - (runs away and hides)

OP posts:
batsintheroof · 30/11/2011 19:56

My dog is gives me a purpose in life. I got to work to make to make sure that my dog is safe and happy and healthy. I'd be more upset if anything happened to her than to the vast majority of my family. Some people do 'prioritise' dogs, because they are their closest companions and they are loved by them unconditionally and more than the people in their lives. No-one has ever looked at me with such affection, the way my dog does.

BTW, Sounds like the best compromise OP!!

Hulababy · 30/11/2011 19:59

It is your PILs house. They should be the one to say what does happen or not. If they say they are happy for the dog to come then it is up to SIL to decide if she is coming or not.

I have to admit that if it were my house I wouldn't want a dog staying. But that is my house so my choice. I wouldn't dictate what happens at someone else's house.

I am very wary of dogs, so I would be very wary of being in the house with a dog for so long. But it still isn't my decision to make. I would either have to decide to deal with it or not go.

However this goes both ways. If PILs decide to say no to your dog, it is their choice. You have to follow their wishes too.

JinglePosyPerkin · 30/11/2011 20:01

batsintheroof - if said dog was PILs' soulmate & SIL was expecting him/her to be evicted from their own home for the day then fair enough to prioritise the dog. In this case, the dog is also a visitor.

OP, have you tried putting yourself in SIL's position? If there was something you were really scared of & felt was a real danger risk to your DS, would you expect to have to share Christmas day with it?

Really am going now .

bemybebe · 30/11/2011 20:08

phobia is not an issue here. it was explained several times upthread jingle

batsintheroof · 30/11/2011 20:09

JinglePosyPerkin- that part was replying to people saying they cant understand why people prioritise dogs. Well, there's your reason.

RE the SIL. She's just being silly, really. SIL is not scared of dogs and neither are her children- She just doesn't like what the OP's dog looks like Hmm and is just being difficult. Baby gates are a perfectly adequate precaution. She needs to get a grip.

JinglePosyPerkin · 30/11/2011 20:10

bebe - I am not saying SIL has a dog phobia. I am saying she is scared to have the dog in the same place as her DCs - which means she is, therefore, scared of what she thinks the dog might do. I know she's not scared of dogs in general - I have read the thread.

JinglePosyPerkin · 30/11/2011 20:12

Sorry, my last post doesn't read right when I say " If there was something you were really scared of" I mean the possibility of the dog harming her DCs - not that she is scared of the dog as such.

Tuppence2 · 30/11/2011 20:15

YANBU here.
You and your family have been invited to PILs. Your family includes your dog.
Your SIL has been offered a compromise of keeping the dog away from her, and that's not good enough for her. That compromise was offered by PILs not the dog owner.
And as for whoever it was who said you have made your PIL choose between SIL and family and your dog... Well wasn't she doing the same thing? "if the dog is there, I won't be!"
TBH the fact that she will willingly let her kids pet other breeds of dog in the street, and there is no phobia or allergy involved, SIL is taking it too far.
She should accept the compromise and enjoy Xmas at PILs without making demands like this

MerylStrop · 30/11/2011 20:19

SIL's being a PITA
Nonetheless, actually, I'd put the dog in the kennel
To be nice

bemybebe · 30/11/2011 20:19

jingle SIL is not "really scared" but is really silly and controlling. whichever way you want to twist it.

Morloth · 30/11/2011 20:22

Sorted then. Now SIL can just make her decision.

CocktailQueen · 30/11/2011 20:32

I generally think that people with dogs should respect the fact that not everyone likes them and should check before assuming they are invited anywhere - we have some giood friends who have recently got a dog and I now don't want to invite them to our house.

But in your case,. Id' tell you pil you have no intention of putting your dfog in kennels and let your bil/sil bow out. But be prepared for accusations of 'your dog is more important than our children to you!'

MeconiumHappens · 30/11/2011 20:36

Your sil is a dick.

JinglePosyPerkin · 30/11/2011 20:48

bebe - see, this is why I wasn't going to post any more on this thread. I've read the thread - twice, just to check I haven't missed anything - and SIL's reasoning is that she's scared/afraid/wary of OPs dog being around her DCs. Therefore, she is scared of something - harm coming to her DCs.

Both SIL and OP are (at OP's admittance) being stubborn and have put OP's PIL in a horrible situation having to choose between the dog and OP's DS & SIL & her DCs. Probably both are being controlling actually. Neither is compromising but, taking the facts here at face value, I have much more sympathy with SIL's point of view than with OP's. I don't think prioritising the dog is right & I don't think making PIL choose is right.

I know I will don't stand a hope in hell of convincing many of you of this but that's how I see it.

JinglePosyPerkin · 30/11/2011 20:50

Oh, and I meant to add - I'm not twisting anything - just trying to explain what I mean more clearly as it obviously came across wrong.

coffeeinbed · 30/11/2011 20:52

My dog is part of my family, other people's children aren't. Ergo, my dog is more important to me. Sorry.
But this is not about this, is it?
It's not SIL's house, it's not up to her to dictate who gets invited.
Having said that' it's a bad situation to be in, your PILs would miss their other grandchildren.
Can dog stay with friends for the day? I would not want to subject it to kennel or the garage.
Be bigger that the SIL.

Original poster
bex2011 · 30/11/2011 20:57

Jingle - what I said did nothing to influence Pil's decision. If I were them I would have thought a better xmas day would have been with older grandchildren, not with a baby. Fil is standing his ground over what he thinks is right and that is that dog should be allowed with compromisecompromises in place.

OP posts:
Original poster
bex2011 · 30/11/2011 21:05

Jingle - Sil is scared that something will happen to her children but will not give reasons as to why and will also not accept that if the dog is behind a closed door/baby gate she will not be able to hurt them as they will not be together. The children are 7 and 9 so are old enough to understand when told not to do something. As with any dog with children you have to be vigilant and use common sense.

OP posts:
Original poster
bex2011 · 30/11/2011 21:13

Just to add, she has never been given any grounds to suggest the dog is a risk to heterosexual Children, other than her breed. She knows the dog is regularly around children and she also must realise that pils would not put their grandchildren in a situation that wasn't safe.
I do admit to being a bit stubborn, but its out of our hands for the time being as pil have made their decision..

OP posts:
DooinMeCleanin · 30/11/2011 21:18

I'm confused as to what the sexuality of the children has to do with anything but other than that I think you're PIL made the right call.

I hope SIL manages to get over herself and doesn't spoil xmas.

coffeeinbed · 30/11/2011 21:22
Confused
NinkyNonker · 30/11/2011 21:28

To heterosexual children? I assume that was an autocorrect fail?!