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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask SiL to pay kennel fees for our dog over Xmas?

412 replies

bex2011 · 30/11/2011 09:00

We have been invited to my PiL over Xmas along with DH's brother and his family. They have said they will only go if our dog goes into kennels. SiL has a real problem with the dog and her children being in the same house. We have FiL has said he will put a baby gate at the kitchen door and the dog can stay behind that. Dog and children wouldn't need to be in the same room at all. This isn't good enough. Dog shows no signs at all of agression. She is fine with my niece and nephew and has adapted really well to having a baby in the house. Everyone who knows the dog and the situation thinks it's ridiculous and there is no reason why dog and children can't be together.

They will be at inlaws from Xmas day lunchtime until boxing day evening. The kennels have said that dog would need to go in Xmas eve before lunch until day after boxing day, totalling 4 days of kennel fees.

AIBU to ask them to foot the bill for this? Part of me knows that I am, but they show no degree of compromise to find a situation that works.

OP posts:
DooinMeCleanin · 30/11/2011 21:30

I'd guess she meant homosapien children or 'her children' maybe?

Original poster
bex2011 · 30/11/2011 21:31

Got to love auto correct. Serves me right for not reading through. .... 'safety of HER children'!!!

OP posts:
DitaVonCheese · 30/11/2011 21:33

Awesome autocorrect fail Grin PMSL at the homophobic dog Grin

babybythesea · 30/11/2011 21:34

I assumed it was one of those predictive text errors - should possibly have read 'her children?' But I did giggle a bit at the idea that the dog might react differently if it thought the kids were homosexual!

The most interesting thing about this thread is that most of the people who are dog owners have been up for compromises - either going ahead and putting the dog in kennels (and footing the subsequent bill), or leaving the dog in the garage, or the suggested compromise of the kitchen. It's the people who don't like dogs who have said that compromise wouldn't be acceptable, and the OP should go ahead and do exactly as the SIL wants - and then said it's the doggy folk being unreasonable.

Can we talk about dogs on beaches, whether it should be acceptable ever, and whether people who don't like dogs should sit on a dog-friendly beach and then complain that there were dogs there and couldn't they all be sent somewhere else? that would make this the perfect dog thread.

higgle · 30/11/2011 21:35

So sad this has turned into another Staffie bashing thread. I have one ( rescue dog) and have never known a nasty one. We took him to the pub a little while ago and I was so happy when a mother encouraged her little girl who was just walking - about 12/13 months - to come over and cuddle him. It is so sad when people are afraid of them.

Original poster
bex2011 · 30/11/2011 21:39

Glad you mention beaches baby as sil is quite happy to spend two weeks each summer sitting on a dog friendly beach in Spain where there are loads of dogs, mainly off leads!

OP posts:
bemybebe · 30/11/2011 21:40

pmsl@heterosexual children autocorrect Grin

NinkyNonker · 30/11/2011 21:45

Grin Grin

Whatmeworry · 30/11/2011 21:50

It's the people who don't like dogs who have said that compromise wouldn't be acceptable

4madboys · 30/11/2011 21:55

i dont like dogs and am highly allergic to dogs i STILL said that the sil is being unreasonalbe, its NOT her fucking house ffs, she CANNOT dictate if the dog can go or not, the pil have said its fine, its THEIR house she either sucks it up and accepts the compromise or she doesnt go!

Morloth · 30/11/2011 22:05

It is interesting though that she seems to dislike your dog so much and not dogs in general.

You are not one of those owners who insist he is a big soppy and just wants a cuddle while the dog us jumping up and slobbering? It sounds like she doesn't believe the dog will stay behind the gates. TBH in her shoes I would be making alternative arrangements and just seeing the inlaws at another time. She doesn't need to be dramatic about it but neither should she be around the dog if she really doesn't want to.

saintlyjimjams · 30/11/2011 22:18

Is SIL generally a bit of an attention seeker?

babybythesea · 30/11/2011 22:21

No, sorry to those non-doggy folk who did go for compromise - I finished typing in a hurry as dd woke up and screeched so didn't go back and double check. And then thought I really just should have ditched the message, not hit send before I'd really confirmed my facts. If you don't like dogs but are prepared to be reasonable, I beg apologies for my gross generalisation.

wildfig · 30/11/2011 22:22

the homophobic dog made me laugh out loud. Grin

None of the dog owners I know would dream of bringing their dog to someone's house without a specific invitation. I'm well aware they're not everyone's cup of tea. But in this case, it's more complex because not only has the dog been invited, but the alternative to bringing the dog is a considerable expense, and a fair bit of hassle. Finding kennel space over Christmas is about as straightforward as getting childcare around the same time. So I don't think it's unreasonable for the SIL to recognise that her request will create this hassle for the OP, and to hope she'd meet them halfway.

bex, you don't think this is your FIL's sneaky way of effectively putting your SIL behind a child gate while he stays in the kitchen with your dog and a pile of newspapers for most of Christmas??

lljkk · 30/11/2011 23:38

Ooh, DH has sided with your SIL, 100%, says he could never relax with a Staffie in the house (he generally likes dogs). They're all horrible aggressive, he insisted.
This was in the context of me telling me about the "Crazy Relative Threads" on MN.
Seems I have one in my own house, though. Hmm

Morloth · 01/12/2011 01:49

I have never actually understood the staffies are scary looking thing personally. They just look a bit dim to me, which isn't the same as dangerous.

My sister has staffies and her two are as thick as shit, one likes to sit on your foot which is nice in the winter.

Who knows why the SIL doesn't like the dog, she doesn't have to.

MarieFromStMoritz · 01/12/2011 02:35

Semi seriously, if dogs could have indoor pants, and maybe booties, it would be more hygienic and I'd maybe even let them on the beds. Why don't we this??

Pants for dogs exist. They sell them in my local pet shop.

dancingmustard · 01/12/2011 02:49

I wouldn't like anyone bringing their dog into my house if they came to visit.
Shit scared of staffs I am
But to not take a dog to someone elses house because another visitor objected?
Ridiculous.
Hahahha @ the dressing dogs up so they don't get shit everywhere :)

Angelswings · 01/12/2011 08:23

That has to be the best auto correct fail I've seen, brilliant!

As the hosts, your Pil have said you can take your dog, you are fully in your rights to take your dog

However, given the strength of your SiLs irrational fear, I'd put the dog into kennels or leave with a friend. You can ask for something towards the fees

Seems such a shame though.

LydiaWickham · 01/12/2011 08:32

as a non-dog owner who's parents only ever left their dog with friends/relatives, I've no idea of the cost of kennel or how they work (as in, you can just drop them off for a few hours on Christmas day...). Perhaps your SIL doesn't have any idea either and doesn't therefore understand it's not a realistic solution? (could someone enlighten me, how much roughly, are we talking about?)

I'd say your SIL wouldn't accept the child gate idea because she might not believe for one moment it'd happen. That come Christmas afternoon, the MIL wouldn't just have a couple of glasses of wine and want "that poor dog to join us for a little bit" and let it out. Then SIL is in someone else's house and not really in a position to insist on the dog going back in the kitchen, or really in a position to just leave without it causing a huge fuss. Could you reassure her that you will make sure the dog stays in the kitchen, she won't be made to feel like a 'spoil sport' and you'll back her up if PILs take the dog out of the kitchen?

But you have my sympathies, we have a 'princess SIL'. (Bless her, she uninvited most children from her wedding 5 weeks before the date - just the DCs she thought would - direct quote - "ruin it." DS was included in that. As were the DCs of her youngest DB, but not the DCs of her older DB. Her poor mother...)

DooinMeCleanin · 01/12/2011 08:39

Kennels around here are typically £20 per day. I understand that is cheap as I live oop north, everything is cheap round here. It would be more expensive over xmas time. The op would be looking at £100 minimum.

LydiaWickham · 01/12/2011 08:51

Ouch, that's a lot to find at this time of year!

OP - would your parents take the dog for Christmas?

LydiaWickham · 01/12/2011 08:52

(And I know OP shouldn't have to do that, but if SIL does go to PIL, I could imagine OP isn't going to be able to relax for worry someone will leave the gate open and there'll be a situation )

Original poster
bex2011 · 01/12/2011 09:16

Morning all.

To answer a few questions....dog isn't of the slobbery nature or jumpy. A quick sniff to say hello is all.

Kennel fees will be around the £60 mark, but I've been made redundant during maternity leave so things are v tight.

Pil have assured that dog will stay behind the gate Im guessing with dh and Fil who will be using it as an excuse to stay out the way!

OP posts:
sixlostmonkeys · 01/12/2011 09:33

tell her you have checked the cost of boarding and it will actually be cheaper for her to send her kids to a childminder for a few days Grin

seriously though, you have been invited (with the dog) provisions are in place for the dog, so just turn up with the dog.