To wonder if anyone else has character traits they try to control because they feel are "not very nice"?

[Salmotrutta]

I have the following character traits which I am not very proud of - and consequently try to squash them:

a) Very intolerant of annoying people - sometimes I have to sit on my hands to avoid slapping them.
b) Can become enraged over trivial domestic issues (e.g. jars I cannot open/electrical items that stop working) .
c) Impatient - I am often to be caught out drumming my fingers with irritation when DH (or anyone else for that matter) causes a delay by faffing about or chatting to people for aaaaaages.
d) I have to be "right" - even when I'm wrong. And I hate admitting I'm wrong

I find I'm getting better with age - I'm maybe mellowing ?

Crikey, after reading some of these I've come to the conclusion I'm actually rather nice.

LeQueen, you sound quite proud of your position.

I'm opinionated, immature and I read trashy mags. And that's the tip of the iceberg. I try to control my bad points, but sometimes badness feels so good.

I worry about everything which is not good.

I am rubbish at relaxing; I can't not do anything if it needs to be done.

Having been very fiery in the past, I now try to take stock of things before reacting. This very often is rubbish as you end up not saying what you mean and regurgitating a situation rather than letting it rest.

I also cannot abide clutter and am driven mad every day by the byproducts of family life (laundry, toys, art projects, my boyfriends shit).

I thought of another im quite an on the fency type person , i think its a hor boring trait to have I do try and get my opinion across but sometimes im just MEH and so tolerant , so basically im a doormat

God what a brilliantly comforting thread! I'm not the only hair-trigger-tempered interrupter out there!

I talk too much, and interrupt, then worry that people think I'm a self-absorbed twat. I think I might come across as bit of a know-it-all, although I really don't mean to.

My quick temper is the worst, particularly when I'm driving - I'm just absolutely fucking horrible...
'Come on you cock sucking fucknugget, what the fuck are you doing? Why would you stop here you TWAT?? Oh I see... it's a zebra crossing...' At least the other person can't hear me, although I'm not averse to making my feelings plain on occasion. I don't do it when I've got DD in the car, though I'm still impatient. I'm trying hard to get a handle on it, and on my temper in general. I'm also impatient in pretty much every other way, too. I have to bite my tongue constantly not to express my exasperation with how incompetent everyone around me is, especially how SLOOOOOWLY they do things!

My temper ignites very quickly and easily, but usually cools down quickly too, after which I feel shit. DP calls it my anger-guilt-anger-guilt cycle. In my defence, I'm quite a self aware person, and I do analyse why things have happened and apologise when I've been unreasonable. I just wish I wasn't so quick off the mark with my reactions. I'm working on it intensively now, and I'm much better than I used to be.

I drink much too much, swear too much, sit on my lazy arse too much. I'm a complete pedant about grammar and spelling, and it does affect what I think of people. I appear really confident and sociable, but I can actually be incredibly antisocial and am a mess of neuroses and insecurities.

I really recommend a book called Please Understand Me by David Keirsey. He talks about temperament types. It may help you understand where your 'negative' traits stem from. Importantly there is no value judgement. Each personality type is valid and has positive and negative characteristics. It's about unstinting where these things are coming from, and where other people are coming from.

Most of these negative traits you describe are just flip sides of very positive traits.

My worst ones are envy (of other people's lives) but that is because I set myself v high standards. Another is jealousy, never with DH surprisingly, but with friends. I get very paranoid if other people are meeting up without me, even if rationally I know they are just closer friends. But that is because I'm a 'feeler' (in MBTI speak) so take things very personally and can't distance myself.

understanding where the traits are coming from...

I am another interrupter. Just get fed up waiting. I am trying to change that one.

I hate other people getting praised for things, especially if I could have had the same acknowledgement if only I had spoken up.

I get annoyed with people who demand attention and help all the time.

I am a bit snobby about people with poor general knowledge or who use words incorrectly and out of context.

I'm sure I could go on.

I can be a terrible grudge holder with people and then every slight little thing they do 'wrong' after that brings it all back for me. I try to hide this though and even reach the conclusion that I would be annoyed with them whatever they chose to do. Maybe I just don't like them and resent being forced to spend my time (family/colleagues - others I will just 'drop') with them?! The main loser is me in this situation - oh the time I waste running this bile through my head!

I withdraw into the internet far too much and waste horrible amounts of my free time. I have banned myself from it before and found myself enjoying other things much more in contrast but somehow always end back in the same situation. I have managed to control it to the extent that I have dropped two of my main internet distractions now for a few months but I still have two left - this is one of them. So, I am weak-willed.

i worry all the time and have to give myself a good kicking to focus on something else.

i am the queen of procrastination and always leave thigns until they are too late and then an even bigger deal/mess to cope with.

i (like lots of you) am also very impatient particularly with people who do things more slowly than me, or don't have a sense of urgency.

how the last two traits sit in the same person, i don't know!

BornToBeRiled I hate other people getting praised for things, especially if I could have had the same acknowledgement if only I had spoken up.

That is me, too, precisely. I put it down to being the oldest and seeing my reprobate younger brother praised for everything and anything, while I was asked who did best in the exam if it wasn't me.

I'm ashamed of how much I need (and appreciate) just a little recognition and have become inured to how little I get. I saw a long time ago that the world divides into those who get appreciated for the most minor things, and those who do quite a bit and get totally overlooked. I suppose some people must be easier to praise for some reason? Though of course, another aspect to it is that some people are greedy about accepting praise and won't speak up when it's heaped on them, when they didn't do the work. I find that is a dealbreaker for me.

I mean, it's ridiculous, I'm nearly 40 and I got so upset the other day with MIL. As I was her guest, and everyone else had done the cooking, I cleaned the kitchen. She cast an eye over it and said 'ah, someone has cleaned up.' I was standing there with a fucking cloth in my hand and got no recognition whatsoever. What is it about me that actively repels basic manners?

Sorry...that really was therapy-fodder, wasn't it?
As you were.

well, me I am mean.

I don't like giving to charity as I don't trust the money will end up with the people who need it. I also worry I might need to money later, and regret having given it away. DH just inherited money and gave it all away to charity, I would have never done that. The good thing is I am AWARE of my meanness and control it. I give to charity, just not as much as I could. I also make myself give good tips, even though it is against my natural instincts.

Then, whenever I hear that George Michael song, Pray for time, I feel it is about me ("And you scream from behind the door, what's mine is mine and not yours. I may have too much but I'll take my chances cause God stopped keeping score")

Am really working on it though! It just doesn't come natural to me.

LaPrune you should have thrown your (cloth holding) arm around her and loudly said "well they'd all done the fun stuff with the cooking so I thought SOMEONE should clean up all the mess for you MIL!"

Ha, yes, Amanita, though she does a good line in theatrical death stares, so probably not worth it.

Ah but then you can just meet her death stare full on with a big beaming smile!

This I will do, next time (There will be a next time.)

Nope. I am perfect.

I have been prone to arrogance and self-delusion in the past though.

I was a bit of a 'queen bee' in my social circle at school, so when I left to go to university and found I was actually quite shy, and that I didn't get along with a lot of people on my course/in my halls that was a big shock! I find that now I am completely antisocial, and don't have any real friends. It doesn't help that my work friends, as well as I get on with them at work, all go out as a group but never invite me :(

I am selfish. Sometimes I can see it, sometimes not.
I am horribly tight. Didn't use to be, but am now. I can happily go and spend £30 on one item of makeup (that I need) but can feel my arse clenching when OH shows me he needs new shoes as he has holes in them . I feel horrible admitting that!
Bit of a superiority complex here too. I think it stems from working in a shit job with people that don't know the difference between 'pacific' and 'specific'.
Pedant. Occasionally.
Hate hate HATE to be wrong and don't generally take criticism well!
I think I always seem to sit on the fence, but really I just can see everything from everyone's point of view. I am aware this often makes it look like I don't have an opinion.

Interrupting conversation, socially inept, find it difficult to 'read' the signs from others so find it difficult to make friends and have to make a real effort to not be over the top. Sometimes I cannot shut up! I know it's insecurity and lack of confidence but still struggle to 'get it'. I those who cope with relationships easily. That said DH and I have been together 25 years... and he is just as bad apart from the talking...probably because of me!

I can be quite blunt and to the point and usually say what others are thinking but don't have the balls to. I try and rein it in but sometimes can't help myself. I get comments irl like "just say what you think don't hold back will you" and sometimes I cringe . I can also be quite sulky which winds dh up but I really do try and be smiley even when I'm sulking inside!

I am prone to interupting people.

I also get an overwhelming desire to try and relate to someone's situation by comparing it to something that has happened to me.

Mum at school "DS is having a really hard time with teacher x"
Me "Oh DD had her and she had real issues with settling in blah blah blah" It isn't just sympathy/empathy it's hijacking the poor woman's worries!

I am super aware of this and try really hard to keep it in check but sometimes it does slip. This is especially bad with people who are pregnant as I have had 2 semi-traumatic birth experiences and I am always biting my own tonge - that is not what you want to hear when you're pregnant!!!

When DD was small I was also the awful competitive mother. I have however seen the light after being trumped by an ever bigger "My DC is a genius" mother and it made me see how ridiculously twatish I was being.