To wonder if anyone else has character traits they try to control because they feel are "not very nice"?

[Salmotrutta]

I have the following character traits which I am not very proud of - and consequently try to squash them:

a) Very intolerant of annoying people - sometimes I have to sit on my hands to avoid slapping them.
b) Can become enraged over trivial domestic issues (e.g. jars I cannot open/electrical items that stop working) .
c) Impatient - I am often to be caught out drumming my fingers with irritation when DH (or anyone else for that matter) causes a delay by faffing about or chatting to people for aaaaaages.
d) I have to be "right" - even when I'm wrong. And I hate admitting I'm wrong

I find I'm getting better with age - I'm maybe mellowing ?

I will admit to A, B and C, and I do the interrupting thing as well. I used to be very shy and as a result was quite isolated sometimes, so I overcompensate a bit now.

Related to the above, I have a generalised problem with authority figures of most kinds, which I hope has not rubbed off on Tiny Clanger. Or not much anyway. I tend to be okay with proper officials like police, but "team leaders" and people who gravitate towards leading situations and groups will draw my fire.

Even worse, I am often suspicious of people's motives when they may well be just being nice.

I am massively, massively competitive, as are my dad and brother. Thankfully for me, I have witnessed just how aggressive and unattractive open competition is in these people and my horrible competitiveness is thoroughly hidden. I am especially awful (in my own head) when comparing my exam results with those of people who have had an education that involved payment 'Oh you achieved those grades after ten years of hothousing and Daddy paying out? Well, I achieved far, far more, and it cost my parents nothing!' I would never say that, but by god, I do think it often.

And I do feel bad about it, especially as I'm not that bright.

Im a social butterfly, but having no social life because i've been sucked in by men and made no friends since I been hre makes it hard to be social. I been here 7 years. I get really nasty and agressive in relationships when I dont get my own way. I try to justify it because I feel seriously that I've been let down. But there really is no excuse for being a nasty bitch.

I repeat myself, I say I repeat myself, like Fred Elliot in Corrie used to

I have shocking (really seriously bad) fashion sense, but bitch to my uninterested dp about the fucking terrible state some people get themselves up in (dont they have, I say dont they have mirrors at 'ome?)

In RL I have mastered the art of being utterly charming and incredibly two faced. "how lovely to see you", "I quite agree", "good point, well made" - in the event of an argument or polictics creeping in "has anyone been to see the new film by x or the Snow White production at Sadler's Wells", etc., etc.. On here I can say what I think .

At work, I don't tell anyone where we live or where the dc go to school and am very circumspect about what I share. On here I say what I like and what I think.

DH says, "it's such a relief having you, I know you will deal with really awkward people really well and keep smiling and not argue with them".

Having said all that I had very stern words with ds's headmaster's secretary today - but at least I feel awful about it.

It's nit just the liking the shit book Sal, it's the announcement after I've passionately and fully explained why it's shit that 'actually I still liked it' that drives me mad. Weren't they listening to me?!?!?

Books is just one example though, I tend to try to wear people down with my ranting about why their opinions are wrong, and cannot seem to walk away calmly accepting that holding a differing opinion is actually acceptable and valid. (because it's the wrong opinion Godammit!!)

I am aware of this though, and that's it's deeply unattractive) and am working on it. Book club is good practise.

laughing at crying when losing at scrabble, and wanting to snog everyone.

Fabby - I'm willing to bet you are not nasty. Yes you are forthright - judging by your posts - but there's an honesty there that's pretty endearing in it's own way.

When I'm telling a story, I go all round the houses before I get to the point

It drives my DH mad

My temper, it's atrocious.

I'm also really opinionated, and if someone asks for my opinion on something I have to ask them if they really want it first. Then I let rip.

I'll be thinking something, thinking it, thinking it, thinking...... and then BAM! it's come out of my mouth all on it's own.

I spent the first 35 yrs of my life being a people pleaser/ doormat - I would never say no to anyone (within reason)- listened to everyones inane ramblings whilst smiling sweetly and never challenging peoples for fear of being disliked by anyone .....

then one day having been cornered for over 30 minutes by someone who was boring the tits off me, telling me how popular her child was because she was so pretty and how said child was fancied by ALL of the handsome boys in her class - I just erupted!

I asked her quite bluntly whether she would have been quite so proud of her daughter if all of the not so handsome boys/ fat kids/ geeky boys etc fancied her DD and how that would effect her judgement of people on the whole

She absolutely freaked on me .... it gave me great satisfaction tbh to know that she had just been pulled on her superficial nature and could not respond without having a hissy fit because she knew I was correct

That person now avoids me like the plague because she knows what I think of her and I am more than happy to speak my mind now that I know that that is the worst that can happen iyswim

I feel compelled to say what I see now - won't gloss over the cracks and if they don't like it - tough

I think it comes with age

Am also intolerant of annoying/dimpeople. I like to call it not suffering fools gladly. Others would call it being an impatient arse.

I judge others. Have really been trying not to since joining MN.

Am quite selfish but also trying not to be.

guffaw - I'd love you in real life. Your trait is homely and warm.

Mordechai - why do people fail to see that a shit book is a shit book?

Same as me worra I swear I can see his eyes glaze over, but I'm sorry he needs all the background information before he can judge the poor bastard I am telling the story about, like I already will have done. And god help him if he doesn't!

guffaw I am howling at your post

Hmm yes definately!
I get violent with rage over things that are tangled together, I can't sort out knotted up things. Trivial, but odd!
I can be jealous.
I like being told I've done a good job and find myself fishing for compliments, shameful.
I hate being wrong
And I am totally unsociable and awkward.
And oddly (!!!) single, strange huh?
Wow, I am horrid!!

marriedinwhite - I want to be you. I, unfortunately, haven't mastered the art of charm. I do gritted teeth and swift cut-offs at the pass to avoid the terminally annoying.

guffaw that really made me laugh, particularly your ranting/repeating to your disinterested DP.

I'm loving all us dysfunctional types sharing, as all my RL friends are so lovely and balanced. Or so they seem....

Sal I quite like Harry Potter.

I interrupt people at the exact moment I realise they are telling me something dull.

Great thread... Let's see...

a) I can be really arrogant and talk (and write) as though I am the greatest authority on anything.

b) When I get frustrated and/or angry I can say very hurtful things to the people I care about the most. I inherited this from my dad, and I will never forget how it feels to be treated like this, so I try my best to change this trait. When prevention does not work, I make sure I apologize profusely and unconditionally.

c) I get very excited about many ideas at the same time, and frequently I abandon most of them after a furious initial interest.

Those are the worst I can think of... If you want the full list, I hope you like really, really long ones...

Just in case anyone thinks I must be an insufferable old moo - here are my good points:

a) Quite funny sometimes - if people "get" my humour.
b) Willing to help anyone.
c) Kind to old/vulnerable/young people
d) Good listener - and will listen endlessly to folks problems
e) Never take my worries/problems into work or - moan on and on about them.
f) Good at coping in a crisis.

Oh God, where to start?

I get passionate about things in debates/general conversations and my volume goes up..and up..

I have a terrible temper and am impatient and intolerant. I find it hard to bite my lip when people say really stupid things.

In arguments, DH says I can be really nasty- you know, when you say the one thing you know will make the other person feel crap

Ah yes I interrupt people and have a superiority complex for no reason whatsoever. I do try my hardest to stop these things.
Ooh its weird to admit the most horrible things about yourself isn't it?

Oh I really hate people who like shitty books, even though I read some myself, but I do know that they are bad, so that's ok.
I interrupt as well. I try not too, I really do.
I talk too much and apparently I talk too much about work - a deadly sin, this.
I must absolutely make a joke.
I disagree with people without even thinking.
I'm a disaster.

This is an interesting thread!

I'm a bit of a "canceller" - I'll happily agree to arrangements as they're being made because they always seem like a good idea at the time. Then, I'll either realise I've forgotten something I should have taken into account and need to cancel, or else, as the time approaches, the once good idea seems terrible and I just don't want to go. I also get migraines quite frequently, so between my headaches, my forgetfullness and my backing out, I'm always cancelling people. It's a wonder anyone bothers asking me anywhere actually.

And, despite having reached an advanced age, I find it quite hard to say no, and to stand up for myself, which invariably means I'll find myself agreeing with someone who actually I don't agree with at all. Which makes me two faced. I need to grow up.