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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.. to NEVER wash DD's hair...

432 replies

GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 18:47

She's 5. She hates it, I hate it and two days later its looks the same as before. I think I last washed it about 6 months ago. I do bath the child once a month whether she needs it or not every few days, and she goes swimming every now and then but I am not sure that counts as she won't get in the pool showers. There must be a mild disinfectant effect of the chlorine tho??

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/11/2011 18:49

Since when has hating something been a good enough reason to get away without doing it?

What if she hated school for example? Does that mean she wouldn't have to go?

SnakePlisskensMum · 29/11/2011 18:50

6 months???! Has she got dreadlocks? Grin

belgo · 29/11/2011 18:51

What if she gets nits?

What's the problem with her having her hair washed? Have you tried swimming goggles to stop shampoo getting into her eyes?

AFuckingFestiveKnackeredWoman · 29/11/2011 18:51

DS1 hate brushing his teeth and washing his face, well - tough shit!!

SardineQueen · 29/11/2011 18:52

Blimey

I suppose it depends on whether her hair looks reasonable, her scalp is in good condition, she doesn't get itchy, it doesn't look dirty, it doesn't smell etc etc

What are you going to do if she gets lice? The whole condition and comb thing will be a nightmare. Is it short?

birdsofshoreandsea · 29/11/2011 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 18:54

Liberty -Um - I was thinking more that the fact I hate it was the deciding factor.

No dreadlocks. She does look a bit like an unloved urchin but that's mainly cos she won't wear clothes unless they are two sizes too big and never wears sock or knickers Grin

In my defence I also have a well turned out 7 yr old

OP posts:
Imnotaslimjim · 29/11/2011 18:54

YABU, give her a flannel to put over her eyes and get one with it. DS got a real phobia after we bathed him with a perforated eardrum (tbf, we didn't know) but we still bathed me 3 or 4 nights a week and washed his hair even though he screamed bloody murder

You not doing it is just enforcing that its something to be afraid of. Just do it, she'll soon get better about it

AgentZigzag · 29/11/2011 18:54

I wish your word was law Worra.

I fucking hate getting up in the morning, I'm sure the school won't mind DD1 not coming in until later if I told them that.

Come to think of it, DD1 doesn't like school, maybe she could just not bother going again...?

You need to find a way to make hair washing more likable for your DD OP.

How do you manage to manipulate her with other things she doesn't like doing?

ihatecbeebies · 29/11/2011 18:55

YANBU, my DS hates eating his lunch and dinner so I just let him live off of a diet of sweets and ice cream. And he hates me cutting his toe nails too so I just leave him to it and cut the tops off of his socks and shoes.

Original poster
GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 18:55

And her hair really does look the same whether or not I wash it. Nits would be a whole other issue. I think I would have to shave her head.

OP posts:
SnakePlisskensMum · 29/11/2011 18:55

I think she sounds quite a character! I'd still make her wash her nest though..

birdsofshoreandsea · 29/11/2011 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabbyChic · 29/11/2011 18:57

I think you should wash it every three days, get a good cut on it so its reasonably short maybe bobbed

Just because you don't like it doesn't make it right she has dirty hair. Its really scummy not to wash it for six months.

peeriebear · 29/11/2011 18:57

I rarely wash DD2's hair (it is down almost to her bum) We just rinse it through when she's in the bath/shower and wash it with shampoo about once every three weeks, if that. I do regularly check her for lice as it's a perennial problem at school, she doesn't smell, her hair looks clean and healthy. If it does need washing for any reason we do wash it and she doesn't mind- it just doesn't need doing all the time :)

Original poster
GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 18:59

Hooray! Birds is on my side. I only need one supporter to make me feel justified Grin

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/11/2011 19:00

Life doesn't have to be about doing things you hate because someone else thinks you should

At five years old it bloody does imo

daenerysstormborn · 29/11/2011 19:01

i'd wash her hair on principle that i am the parent, she is the child and therefore not in charge.

ouryve · 29/11/2011 19:03

DS1 went through a phase of hating having his hair washed. We used no tears shampoo, and started to rinse by laying him down in the bath so he didn't get too much water on his face and he got over it.

I hate vacuuming. My floor looks just as messy 2 hours after doing it than it did before. I still do it, though, because not to would be just plain revolting.

TingleJuice · 29/11/2011 19:03

I'm sorry but your job as a parent is to sometimes make your child do things they don't want to do for their own good.

My son would happily never brush his teeth but it's my job to make sure he does no matter how hideous the argument is and that's twice a day.

You may have to be creative or you may just have to grit your teeth and try and make it as pleasant as possible but really I think at least twice a week it should be done.

What is it she hates about it? The water, Shampoo?

ZhenXiang · 29/11/2011 19:04

I had a friend once who didn't wash her hair for six months, she swore that after that time it became self-cleaning. It was greasy and smelly in the meantime despite brushing so she kept it wrapped. She did have the most luxurious glossy hair though.

I only wash DD's (2.5) every month as she is mixed race and too much washing strips the natural hair oils. She does wear it plaited or corn rowed though so it doesn't get too dirty and I comb through with water mixed with olive oil treatment and use hair creme to keep it looking good in between styles.

She hates hair washing too and screams the whole time, but I just put a flannel over her eyes and use a jug to do it as quickly as possible. You can get jugs with a rubber lip that fit to the head that reduce the water that can go in their eyes.

AgentZigzag · 29/11/2011 19:04

So how do you manage all the other things your DD doesn't like doing OP?

daenerysstormborn · 29/11/2011 19:06

ds hates having his bum wiped after a poo. maybe i should just leave it Wink

AgentZigzag · 29/11/2011 19:06

And are you sure you can't tell the difference whether you wash it or not?

You've just described her as looking like an 'unloved urchin', are you sure that won't impact on how other DC will interact with her?

Like it or not, children pick up on this kind of thing and may treat her differently because of it.

whatstheetiquette · 29/11/2011 19:06

I think that you should bath her 2x per week and wash her hair either 1x per week or 2x per week depending on how dirty it is.

Do you let her go to school with no socks/knickers? If there is a problem with this, I would personally involve her teacher. There was a child at my DS's school refusing to wear tights (would only wear socks) in freezing weather and the teacher worked together with the mother to sort this out. The teacher was hardcore though and made her wear her PE tracksuit under her skirt if she dared not to wear tights when it was freezing!

I think it is worth taking a hard line with it at this stage and the frequency I have suggested above shouldn't cause too much difficulty.