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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.. to NEVER wash DD's hair...

432 replies

GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 18:47

She's 5. She hates it, I hate it and two days later its looks the same as before. I think I last washed it about 6 months ago. I do bath the child once a month whether she needs it or not every few days, and she goes swimming every now and then but I am not sure that counts as she won't get in the pool showers. There must be a mild disinfectant effect of the chlorine tho??

OP posts:
abbierhodes · 29/11/2011 20:01

I agree with cotedazur...she most probably does smell. I'm sorry OP, but not washing her hair is lazy and neglectful.
Do you wash yourself? Some parts of parenting are hard...tough. I don't believe in spending a fortune on smelly stuff and my children are certainly allowed to get dirty-but hair needs washing a couple of times a week at least.
Oh, and if you allow her to go to school without pants on it will be raised by the school at some point.

runningwilde · 29/11/2011 20:01

Yabvu, that's disgusting

And you are not teaching her much about responsibility if she always gets away with not having to do things she doesn't like. An the no socks or knickers thing... Hmm

abbierhodes · 29/11/2011 20:03

'Deal with it when it becomes a problem'
I never get this...you'll wait for her to become noticably smelly and possibly be targeted by bullies before you intervene? Why?

And why did you bother to post if you don't want to hear that YABU?

otchayaniye · 29/11/2011 20:05

i never wash my hair with shampoo but i wash it with conditioner.

funnily enough just had the massive tantrum with my three year old over washing her hair. she has a daily swim and a bath and has to get her hair. doesn't mind it in the pool but not the bath.

i think you just gotta wash the hair, man

AgentZigzag · 29/11/2011 20:08

'And why did you bother to post if you don't want to hear that YABU?'

I was just thinking that.

The OP just wanted those saying YANBU to justify not washing her DDs hair rather than weighing up the reasons why she should do it.

OldGreyWassailTest · 29/11/2011 20:09

You could try one of these:

www.virtualvillage.co.uk/baby-child-shampoo-bath-shield-safe-safety-guard-visor-004310-005.html

WoTmania · 29/11/2011 20:10

YANBU - if it's brushed regularly that'll be fine. I've never used shampoo on my DC's hair and didn't on mine until I got Dreads (when they are stripped of their natural oils by shampoo they dread better) although I do/did use water.

If you need to nit comb have tried using a little spray bottle to get the hair damp first?

Flubba · 29/11/2011 20:11

My DDs didn't like having their hair washed, so I made it into a game of 'hairdressing salon' type thing. First couple of times I got in with them and washed their hair like that so they could lie back on me comfortably to have it rinsed. Next time I let them be mermaids swimming around to get it wet and rinse it, and we practised putting our heads back really far so the soap and water didn't go on their faces, then they get the whole hairdrying as if they were in a salon type thing and they love it now. Seriously.

Harecare · 29/11/2011 20:14

I was a very dirty child and probably had my hair washed 2 or 3 times a year at about that age. I loved counting how many days I could go without changing my knickers - I could easily manage a few weeks. I enjoyed being dirty and coming from a large family it was easy for it not to be noticed.
I don't want my daughters to be as minging/neglected as I was.
Your daughter ought to wear clean knickers and socks every day. Refusal is not an option. Underwear stops us having to wash the outerwear so much.
Hair washing - not so bad not to wash it providing it looks clean and is brushed every day. Once a week is more than adequate. Other children may not notice your DD smelling bad, but they won't notice that she smells nice and may prefer to sit next to sweeter smelling children.

AitchTwoOh · 29/11/2011 20:18

i couldn't care less if a child's hair is clean or not, so long as their parent is regularly (ie once a week) doing a proper lice check. how is she with that, OP?

northernwreck · 29/11/2011 20:20

Just get her to lie back in the bath and wet it. Get her to do this herself. Ds (5)hates having his hair washed, so I get him to lather it up, and then lie back in the bath to rinse.
You really dont need to shampoo it very often as long as it gets rinsed.
I think giving her some control over the issue will help.

Harecare · 29/11/2011 20:26

So basically you think YANBU and your DD thinks YANBU. A few posters here think YANBU, but...
YABU and when your DD is a grown up and remembers her childhood and fondly regards her lack of underwear and hair washing she will still make sure her own children wear underwear and get their hair washed.

abbierhodes · 29/11/2011 20:27

Yep, the lice preferring clean hair thing is a complete myth, put about so mothers in the 50s/60s weren't ashamed to treat their children.

proudfoot · 29/11/2011 20:29

YABU!

I'm a bit gobsmacked to be honest. You don't wash your daughter's hair basically because you don't fancy making the effort and she is too young to care that she looks a state. It really beggars belief.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 29/11/2011 20:37

Her hair might look the same a few days later because you are not rinsing it properly. If she hates it so much its always tempting to rush it. If you leave shampoo in her hair it will go dull and a bit mank after a couple of days.

She is five so you can talk to her about this. Tell her that you know she hates it and you understand but it is one of the things she HAS to have done. Tell her you will do it twice a week.

Explain how to hold a face cloth over her eyes and to tip her head back (look at the celing). Let her feel the water so she knows its not too hot or cold.

Tell her the less fuss she makes the quicker it will be and she can get on with her bath.

Use a baby shampoo so it doesnt sting and a leave in conditioner so you dont have to rinse it out.

Let her have a go at rinsing it.
Use the shower head instead of a jug and dont use the bath water because that wont clean her hair properly.

They all go through it, hating having their hair done. If you stay calm they usually get over it.

DC 5 is just at that stage and I do dread hairwashing but I know it will pass. Luckily afro hair doesnt need frequent washing but it does need a lot of care in other ways.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 29/11/2011 20:39

As northen says you can let her lie back and rinse it in the bath but then you need to rinse it with fresh water. Rinsing in the bath cuts down on the more traumatic shower head rinsing Smile

EmmaRoyd · 29/11/2011 20:40

my DD has hair like Boris Jonson and she has loads of mates Grin

Feminine · 29/11/2011 20:48

You could comb it through with a tiny bit of shampoo...then do the same with water to remove it.

I believe that she doesn't smell, some kids just don't...just yet :)

I also don't think you need to make a big deal out of it...I bet in a few years she will want to wash it.

I sometimes wonder if parents who say that parents should "just do it" have ever had a kid with very difficult natures?

My first two (boys) were/ are very compliant ...my DD not so much Wink same mothering ...different child.

Kids do kick up a fuss about nothing ...sometimes parents need to be cut some slack.

northernwreck · 29/11/2011 20:49

Yes Mrs, thats what we do-I have the sink full of fresh water, he puts a sponge over his face, then I tip a jug of clean water over for a final rinse.
It just takes the intial soapy awfulness out of the equation!

abbierhodes · 29/11/2011 20:50

Can I just pick out one other thing from the OP? 'Two days later it looks the same as before' erm...yeah. That's when normal people would wash it again Hmm

northernwreck · 29/11/2011 20:51

Feminine-my ds kicks up a fuss about most things almost randomly!
Thats why I hit on giving him the control-he gets the job, so it is not something that is being done to him iyswim.

PontyMython · 29/11/2011 20:53

I'm with Worra. Which seems to be happening more and more lately :o

I wash DD's hair pretty much every day, which is by no means essential (mine only gets washed twice a week) - with us it's more about routine, bath etc, as well as the hideous amount of paint and glitter she ends up with in her beautiful golden curls Hmm

She went through a phase too. She still absolutely hates it if a tiny bit of water gets in her eye, "I need the towel!!!" drives me insane.

Not sure if this link will work, but this is what we use.

In case the link doesn't work - I'm on my phone - it's called a rinse cup, it's a blue jug with a strange divider and a rubbery surface to fit a child's head, and it's from mothercare. It's great.

SardineQueen · 29/11/2011 20:56

For me, if she isn't getting sharp looks and it looks clean and scalp clean to a disinterested observer (do you have a best friend you could ask?), it's not the end of the world. DD is doing everything else she ought so I think letting one fairly harmless thing go that a child hates is OK.

At this age the things I want washed are teeth and bum (bath). They are the non-negotiables. They often don't want their hair washed and I say OK then up until a point where I feel like I ought to do it. Not because it smells, looks like it needs it or anything though.

daenerysstormborn · 29/11/2011 20:58

lice preferring clean hair is a myth perpetuated by parents who just can't be arsed nit combing. probably the same parents who claim their kids have never had nits. i bet they have, they just a. have never looked, and b. even if they did look, don't know what they're looking for.

AgentZigzag · 29/11/2011 20:58

It doesn't matter with some things if they're not 'compliant' Fem, (like keeping their room tidy all the time/putting gloves on) but when it comes to basic hygiene and teaching them the time periods that should be between washing their hair/bathing/changing different items of clothes, there's just no getting away from the fact that a lot of it's to do with offending other people s sensibilities

Looking and smelling unkempt does make people treat you differently.