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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

.. to NEVER wash DD's hair...

432 replies

GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 18:47

She's 5. She hates it, I hate it and two days later its looks the same as before. I think I last washed it about 6 months ago. I do bath the child once a month whether she needs it or not every few days, and she goes swimming every now and then but I am not sure that counts as she won't get in the pool showers. There must be a mild disinfectant effect of the chlorine tho??

OP posts:

Feminine · 29/11/2011 21:01

I was one of those parents who actually assumed that it was my no nonsense parenting skills that was getting these amazing results with my boys

It is important to remember that its not just how one parents but how your particular children respond to that (at that time)

There is no one size fits all.

I am still the same parent. I still insist on certain things .. but .this time I have a different character to parent.

Feminine · 29/11/2011 21:03

Agent ~ I am going to take op at her word (that her daughter smells clean)

I agree that if she is less than fragrant ,folk will talk! :)

I'm thinking so much will change in the next few years

AgentZigzag · 29/11/2011 21:25

This is true Fem, can't get 10 YO DD1 out of the bloody bath now.

I left her once to see how long she'd go before getting out, I caved in and called her after two hours

verytellytubby · 29/11/2011 21:42

Washing every six months has made me feel a bit sick and I'm not anal in the least.

Original poster

GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 21:52

'when it comes to basic hygiene and teaching them the time periods that should be between washing their hair...'

Agentzigzag - one thing very clear from this is that there is no fixed time period there should be between hair washing for dc's or MNers - People have come up with every day, every few days, once a week, less frequently or NEVER .

Who makes the rules?

OP posts:

Original poster

GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 21:56

Oh and as she doesn't wear knickers I change her school trousers every day. And I wash my hair every other day. And my other DD's once a week (although I think hers would be fine if I left it too).

Really intrigued at the polarised opinions. Talk about opening a can of worms. But I did ask

OP posts:

AitchTwoOh · 29/11/2011 21:58

sorry to be a pain re lice, but how are you combing her if you aren't washing?

MidsomerM · 29/11/2011 22:01

Well my first thought is that she must smell quite bad. Unwashed hair and bodies smell, whatever age you are. Kids need to be washed all over, whether they like it or not.

rookiemater · 29/11/2011 22:01

Ds's hair doesn't get washed that often, he is 5. I make sure he dunks it in the the bath so at least it gets wet and I do comb and check for nits about once a fortnight, sneak shampoo on and wash it off when I could be bothered with the aggro.

Mind you I do get it cut fairly regularly so its never too long and do make sure it smells ok, which of course it does as its dunked in water 3 times per week, then fully immersed in the swimming pool once a week.

Strangely enough I do have enough parenting powers to make sure DS does the stuff that I view as being important such as clean clothes, decent manners eating some vegetables occasionally.

Oh and he does wear clean pants every day boke at the thought of doing otherwise.

Original poster

GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 22:02

DD1 has had lice a couple of times. DD2 not since she was a toddler. I do check when I brush it. I think she is just lucky - I get nits if I so much as look at a child but maybe the bugs don't like the taste of the DCs

OP posts:

AuntieBulgaria · 29/11/2011 22:05

DD (4.3) makes a massive fuss about me washing her hair but she will do it herself. she doesn't have to do a great job, just get a bit of shampoo on and then float about in the water for a while to wash it out.

We do this once a week.

Today it was necessary as she had been wiping her nose on her hair. She also dangles it in her dinner with depressing regularity.

She has been told if she can't keep it clean and let me brush it every couple of days that she will have a short haircut.

AitchTwoOh · 29/11/2011 22:06

meh. depends on the hair type right enough but there is no way i can see them on dd1's hair unless i wet comb with conditioner.

Original poster

GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 22:07

rookiemater - I guess I just don't see this as being one of the important things (unlike clean clothes and good manners which do matter to me) only since I can't tell the difference whether I wash it or not.

Have argued with my mum about this but when I asked her whether DDs hair looked/smelled dirty she said 'no but that's not the point'

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 29/11/2011 22:09

If your daughter goes swimming, why is she so stressed about having her hair washed? It cant be fear of water.

As for the underwear and socks. You as a parent have a duty to teach your child what is normal behaviour. Going with underwear is not normal for a child. Who is in charge here? Sounds to me like your daughter is the one making up the rules and you are going along with it. I suspect rather than sensory disorders, it is more a case of a wilful child who is playing a game and getting away with it too.

Sidge · 29/11/2011 22:10

IME those that infrequently wash their skin, hair and clothes are like smokers; they might not think they smell but they do.

The general skankiness of some threads lately astounds me - are people really proud that they wash their bedding once every 6 months or don't make their children bathe?

SardineQueen · 29/11/2011 22:11

If a child has ongoing untreated headlice they will a. itch like buggery and b. become generally ill (they will feel lousy - that's where it comes from).

No reason to imagine OPs DD is infested.

MenopausalHaze · 29/11/2011 22:12

squeaky has, I think, nailed it!

Marymaryalittlecontrary · 29/11/2011 22:13

I'm more shocked at the lack of knickers and socks personally. You actually send her to school without knickers and socks on? What about on days when she has PE?

SardineQueen · 29/11/2011 22:13

Oh I was going to say about the underwear, what about changing for gym? I think it would be worth working on the knicker thing, have you tried her with little boxers or other alternatives?

Feminine · 29/11/2011 22:18

Although op did ask

I think it is unhelpful to label her DD as anything

Trying to get away with something is not a massive crime...its kids!

Maybe the shampoo stinging her eyes worries her , maybe she hates the smell? who knows? In the grand scheme of things it matters not one bit...

I just don't buy the "get on with it " response ... I worry it can make a tricky situation a whole lot worse for parents. sometimes

AgentZigzag · 29/11/2011 22:22

No OP, there isn't a fixed time.

But when you listen to adults who've been neglected when they were children (and I'm not including you in that) nobody's ever taught them how to look after themselves.

It's not that it's 2/3/4 days in between, it's saying that you have to do it when it gets dirty, and I don't believe it's not dirty after six months.

The adults know/knew that a bath every fortnight wasn't right, and it addressed a lot of the problems they had at school, like other DC not wanting to sit near them, calling them names etc.

I'm not saying that'll happen to your DD, or that the other DC are right, if it's not one thing they'll just pick on another, but you have to fit your DD in with everyone else to some extent if that's possible.

Sanesometimes1 · 29/11/2011 22:22

Don't think there are "rules" on this, but tbh, 6 months is just pushing it a bit too far!!!,sounds to me like you are just doing what you want for an easy life, guessing its also easier to bung crap junk food into the oven too, also a lot easier for you to sit her in front of a dvd rather than reading to her/taking her to the park........the list goes on, just do what you should be doing as a mum and wash her hair !!!

Original poster

GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 22:23

By sending her to school with no PE kit I ensure that there is no danger of her trying to get changed for PE. School has not complained so far

[braced for howls of outrage]

OP posts:

Original poster

GoTheFkToSleep · 29/11/2011 22:26

Oh and I have tried every type of knickers known to man woman or child. She just goes about all day holding the elastic away from her body. Hence she has to wear trousers every day. But that's not too much of a problem (although some might beg to differ??)

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 29/11/2011 22:26

Please tell me you are frigging joking?

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