To not go for a poo when DH is in the house?

[BupcakesandCunting]

We've been together for ten years and I've only ever done a cack when he has been present once and that was only because I had norovirus and explosive shits.

My friends think I'm insane. I think that I am keeping some mystique alive in our relationship. My poo is pretty potent. He'd never want sex with me again if he smelt it.

I really need to go now. He is poncing about. I wish he'd hurry up and go out so that I can make a deposit. :(

Also how about "cleaning" the bathroom while you're up there? Milton steriliser smells like swimming pool chlorine x 100. Bleach too is very strong.

has your DH a sense of toilet humour?

If you fart in the pan shout 'ta-da!!' afterwards; and if it does smell bad advise him to take a canary in with him if hes going in after you.

how you have kept this up for ten years is amazing

''I see that the frothing berserkers have made it onto what is possibly one of the most trivial threads I have EVER started.

My relationship is just fine, thanks. I have arse muscles of steel. Of course DH knows I poo. He just doesn't know what it smells like. I am happy with that.

I don't appreciate the state of my marriage being speculated upon all because I'd prefer that DH isn't familiar with the smells that are expelled from my arse. So you can all eat shit and fuck off with your "Oh how sad" concerned faces. Twats.''

Ha ha. We're the twats? Yeah, sure. Carry on running out for 'creme fraiche', if that's how you want to spend your time! Still maintain that if smelling a poo put your dh off then the relationships can't have been worth much in the first place, but if you can't see that then fair enough!

Still maintain that if smelling a poo put your dh off then the relationships can't have been worth much in the first place, but if you can't see that then fair enough!

Fair point! If you think it'd jeopardise your relationship for your DH to smell your poo then I don't know what to say. There are so many ways. Open a window before you sit down, spray air freshener before you sit down and again afterwards. Pour milton / bleach into the basin beofre you go.

It would at least take the edge of the smell if it's that bad. Everyone shits even your DH.

If my bum muscles were as strong as your bowels of steel, I too would never poowitb DH in the near vacinity.

However, I have always kinda needed to go soon after I 'need to go.' I can probably hang on a while until I find a 'nice' loo or get home, buy not hours and hours

We are lucky in that we have 3 loos and all but the en suite (tiny!) are quite sound proof and aerated. So I will normally chose to use the loo furthest from DH/guests. I always try and leave the downstairs loo 'just so' and ready for guest usage!

DH did sit outside the door after my first post baby poo. I was scared I would push out my uterus or something equally horrific. He has also nursed me during bouts of (one time v serious and ended up in hospital!) food poisoning etc. He knows I poo. If I am ill or ever need help I feel I could ask him anything, but when all is well I just try and be discreet as possible.

Each to their own I say. Not quite sure the OP deserved some of the 'tone' received from you poo-in-front-of-anyone lot.

Jade, will your sense of humour return or will you learn not to take everything so literally do you think?

And yes, I stick by my assessment.

Oh so you made it up. Sorry I mistook your post for genuine!

Go and have a nice lie down, pet.

Lol, it might be you that needs the lie down, summoning that condescending tone must leave you awfully tired!

I use to love going for a poo in public places and would wait especially. God knows why! I don't now.

Oh a LOL. An actual LOL. Well, fuck my old boots.

There was a priest in Father Ted who didn't know when Ted was joking and he took everything literally and when Ted explained the joke to him he used to look all blank going "I don't get it Ted. Do you get it Father Eamonn? I don't get it, it's not funny Ted." I wish I could remember which episode he was in.

pinkyp, did you ever have a favourite establishment to poo in? I quite like the loos in my local shopping centre. There's about 40 cubicles and lots of noise so can be stealth-like. In and out like the SAS.

You do make for amusing reading bupcakes. I suppose it's kind of like people slowing down to look at a car crash.

Yes, I remember the epsiode well.

"I suppose it's kind of like people slowing down to look at a car crash."

Ooooh MEOW. I think we've found Craig Revel-Horwood's replacement, if he ever dies of Botox poisoning.

You'll have to enlighten me as to who the hell Craig Revel-Horwood is before I can find that bit funny, I'm afraid!

Google is your friend, sugartits.

I'll just offer a wry smile and not bother then, as I presume he's some inane celebrity, given that you're not likely to be complimenting me. I'm afraid celebrity gossip pages and dubious magazines have never been my reading material of choice. Again, each to their own. Still rather pleased to have elicited a 'MEOW' from you!

He's on the gogglebox, you buffoon.

Get back to yer Proust, yer big snob.

Perhaps we have different choices in tv to watch then. Forgive my assumption that you read trashy magazines. Although I have to say that Proust is not my reading material of choice either. I prefer 'Room on the Broom' and 'The Snail and the Whale'.

(I find them a better length for reading opportunities on the loo )

seriously?

I have to say I'm not a person who likes to poo with an audience... but he knows you have to it's part of life...probably has a good laugh when you send him out

How does anyone read on the loo? DH gets through tomes in one sitting. I must do Teflon shits. They slide straight out.

'Bup is having a poo again'..I have to get 'toilet paper' and 'cottage cheese'