To not go for a poo when DH is in the house?

[BupcakesandCunting]

We've been together for ten years and I've only ever done a cack when he has been present once and that was only because I had norovirus and explosive shits.

My friends think I'm insane. I think that I am keeping some mystique alive in our relationship. My poo is pretty potent. He'd never want sex with me again if he smelt it.

I really need to go now. He is poncing about. I wish he'd hurry up and go out so that I can make a deposit. :(

Bup did you not know that admitting being somewhat coy about pooing is akin to casting a personal slight on those who aren't bothered?

It's always the way with these sort of threads, why people seem to get so outraged I really don't know- why care about other folks toilet habits??

That is right bupcakes, like those steel doors Star Trek

Oh the match thing doesn't work. Just makes the bathroom smell of shit and sulphur, instead of just shit.

Unless I just have really strong poo smells. Hehe

tbh I would feel more about pooing in a public toilet than in my own home with dh there. Would never poo when dh is in the bathroom though I am not that comfy with my toilet habits.

I DO have really strong poo smells!

My logic is thus: I don't care about people I will never see again inhaling my bum smells. The thought of DH thinking "Ha ha it is my wife what did that ungodly SHIT this morning" makes my brain cry.

Bupcakes, everyone's poo stinks!! Honestly, it isn't just yours!

Hilarious thread Bups.

:o:o:o

Laugh it up, Hedley.

If it's really that bad, perhaps you shouldn't light a match - you risk going up in a sheet of blue flame.

Buppy - please can you do a poo because I really want to see if that match thing works.

After re-reading my posts I am most relieved that I did not comment, one way or another, on your relationship, bupcakes, most relieved.

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=iris+door&hl=en&sa=X&rls=p,com.microsoft:en-gb:IE-SearchBox&rlz=1I7DKUK_en-GB&biw=1440&bih=675&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=aYme8Zdzjf_s9M:&imgrefurl=www.wipeout44.com/tutorials/flash_iris_animation.asp&docid=VZ8cafLKrokUtM&imgurl=www.wipeout44.com/images/tutorials/thumbs/iris.jpg&w=80&h=80&ei=j5DSTveNH4vfsgaJ7f36DA&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=281&sig=100266610397710775820&page=1&tbnh=74&tbnw=74&start=0&ndsp=20&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0&tx=38&ty=38" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">And I imagine your sphincter more like this

My brother and his friends used to catch their farts in jam jars and then set light to them when they were teenagers - it works.
I have 4 (young) boys - oh, the things I have to look forward to when they are all teenagers...

Nothing will mask the stench of my unholy bum spew.

I will try it and report back.

GOD, my friend lives in a massive house. Last night, one of her kids did a shite the smell of which traversed down two flights of stairs, down a hall, through a kitchen and into the dining room. It was FOUL. Real eye-watering stuff. Mixed in with air freshener, which I am sure made it linger in the air for longer. It was terrible.

Forgot to say that after my "popping to the shop/shit in the pub" episode, going for a crafty shit is referred to as "going for a creme fraiche" by my "friends".

Why not prepare the Poo Room by opening the window a good ten minutes before drop off. Then leave it open and shut the door as quickly as you can, returning only after a decent length of time has elapsed.

How will opening the window ten minutes before help? Surely the same amount of shit stink will blow out through the window whether it was opened twn minutes or two minutes before?

I AM a shit novice, blates.

@ going for a creme fraiche

I am sooo going to try catching my farts in a jam jar and lighting them. Hours of fun for all the family.

To me this all seems rather sad and a recipe for problems with piles or diverticulitis in the future - you should always answer the call of nature when it comes knocking to avoid developing such things. If your poo really smells so bad you probably are not digesting well - things such as chewing your food for longer and taking good quality probiotics should help.

Matches aren't the best but scented candles do quite well I find.

Of course, am willing to stand corrected if anyone runs some research and finds that couples that hid the fact that they poo from each other have longer and happier marriages....

MissBee, the really brave boys would light their farts right at the bum hole - in my presence only with trews on, you'll be relieved to hear. Gives a nice blue, albeit short-lived flame.
The funniest thing is, that the guy I remember as the most enthusiastic in this particular sport (he used to also wank his dog ) is now a highly respected lawyery-type person .

Bupcakes, everyone's poo stinks!! Honestly, it isn't just yours!

Speak for yourself!

If it is THAT bad then either the diet needs an adjustment or a trip to the Dr is in order. While all poo smells I have honestly never noticed my own being so disgusting unless I am ill with a tummy bug.

Also at work, we have loos with stalls and not walls to the floor so you can smell and hear. I have not noticed anyone's being so absolutely disgracefully smelly.

Ooh, I'm a highly respected lawyery-type person. But I draw the line at dogs

DH (following interrogation) used to light his farts together with the rest of his dorm at boarding school. He did say that it was important to keep your trews on otherwise you risked singeing your bits.

Ah, MissBee, my brother and his mates did this before they were old enough to have anything much in the way of hairs which I image must act like kindling .
You will report back, of course, when you have tried? I trust you will, being a lawery-type person and all.
Yeah, the dog-thing was weird. Not in a good way. Poor dog.

Wannabe, I have IBS and though I believe it's mild compared to some, I don't have much choice either! DH copes. I don't like it that sometimes my bowels explode or I have bad wind but I just tell him to use the other loo and get on with it.