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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go for a poo when DH is in the house?

262 replies

BupcakesandCunting · 26/11/2011 10:23

We've been together for ten years and I've only ever done a cack when he has been present once and that was only because I had norovirus and explosive shits.

My friends think I'm insane. I think that I am keeping some mystique alive in our relationship. My poo is pretty potent. He'd never want sex with me again if he smelt it.

I really need to go now. He is poncing about. I wish he'd hurry up and go out so that I can make a deposit. :(

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 26/11/2011 10:24

How on earth have you kept that up for 10 years?? What happens on the days he doesn't go out?? Do you clench all day??

SO many questions! Grin

SarahStratton · 26/11/2011 10:25

And that is what running a bath/shower is for. Or tell him you're going up to sort out the washing.

Just do it Bups, even I can manage a poo with someone else in the house, and I have poo ishoos too.

GreenEyesandNiceHam · 26/11/2011 10:27

Ha! I'm the same.

Well I can sometimes 'going for a bath and a relax don't want to be disturbed ok?' but only when I know he's two floors below and not likely to come upstairs for fear of my hellish wrath disturbing the little one in bed.

grograg · 26/11/2011 10:28

Shock dunno how you have managed over the 10 years, I poo with the door open Grin

Original poster
BupcakesandCunting · 26/11/2011 10:30

I have done things like invented urgently needed items from the shop in order to get him out of the house in the past. One time, he wouldn't budge and I REALLY needed a shit so I had to invent an urgently needed item and go out and get it and I had to stop en route at the pub and do it in there. :( Then I had the conundrum of working out what item could be urgently needed at 9pm. I think he was confused when I went back home clutching a tub of reduced fat creme fraiche.

OP posts:
Original poster
BupcakesandCunting · 26/11/2011 10:31

Oh God, I've done a bath-run/shit double whammy before and almost got caught out. He started hammering on the door saying that he'd left his book in there and why had I locked the door.

He really needs to be out of the house before I can have a nice relaxing poo.

OP posts:
MercyDulbottle · 26/11/2011 10:34

I only really poo when alone in house, or while running a bath, so door locked, bath running, poo, open windows, have bath, done.

SarahStratton · 26/11/2011 10:35

He does actually already know that you shit. He's probably completely baffled that you won't crap when he's in the house, and views your poo ishoos with a small dose of mirth.

Just go and poo ffs. Or I shall break in one night and replace all the chocolate in your house with laxative stuff.

BarmyBiscuit · 26/11/2011 10:36

That is the weirdest thing I have ever heard. I thought people who didn't fart In front of their partners were strange ones.

noblegiraffe · 26/11/2011 10:38

If you're worried about the smell, light a match.

SarahStratton · 26/11/2011 10:38

I don't fart in front of people. You calling me strange? Hmm

toddlerama · 26/11/2011 10:39

My sister fit a year into marriage without pooing when her husband was home. She used to invent reasons to go to Tesco and do it there. When my other sister and I found out, we told her husband and he made it his mission to catch her out. 5 yrs later, he has come to the conclusion that she is an android who doesn't poo.

GreenEyesandNiceHam · 26/11/2011 10:39

Oh no I don't fart in front of DH either. I know some people think it's weird but that's just how I am.

And I haven't exploded yet, I'm not in constant pain from holding it in, I'm not frigid and I have a close loving relationship with DH. I just can't fart in front of anyone Blush

I'm archetypal 'anal'.

yummybunny · 26/11/2011 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenEyesandNiceHam · 26/11/2011 10:41

I wonder if Bups has managed to see off her DH and is now having her crap?

Grin
valiumredhead · 26/11/2011 10:42

I don't fart in front of people including my husband - it's called being polite Grin

seeker · 26/11/2011 10:44

There is a difference between trying not to fqrt in someone else's presence (which is basic good manners) and not having a shit in the bathroom with the door locked while someone else is in the same house!!!!!!

And as for "keeping some mystique alive in our relationship"............give me strength!

Trills · 26/11/2011 10:45

YABU - how isit nicer to poo in a public toilet than in your own home?

valiumredhead · 26/11/2011 10:46

Ewwwww I try to avoid pooing in a public toilet!!

PacificDogwood · 26/11/2011 10:47

How on earth have you managed this for 10 years??

He knows.
You know he knows (deep down)
He knows you know he knows.

This is knows as Avoidance Behaviour - you can get help, you know. If you want.

I'd never manage anything like that as I go first thing in the morning. Without fail. Before breakfast. I appreciate having door open for anybody to wander in and out is not everybody's idea of privacy, but only being able to go when alone in the house... - that's v limiting.

I don't fart in front of DH; doesn't seem to stop him though Hmm

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/11/2011 10:47

I wish my DH followed the same rules, he won't even spray air freshener after doing a poo

seeker · 26/11/2011 10:47

Oh, I'd forgotten! There's that other band of weirdoes people who will only poo in their own loo at home. What happens if the same person has both sorts of bonkersness quirk?

catseverywhere · 26/11/2011 10:47

I am six months into a new relationship and have not yet pooed in earshot of my partner.

I am fortuate in that I am quite, ahem, regular (first thing in the morning) SO I very kindly offer to make us both a cup of tea, go downstairs and do it in the downstairs loo.

My ex-husband had no hang-ups about any of this - he would happily take a comfy dump right next to me whilst I was in the bath. Very, very wrong.

NeopreneMermaid · 26/11/2011 10:49

I am pooing at the moment. DH is in next room.

QuinnFabray · 26/11/2011 10:50

"My husband won't let me fart in front of him". Whaaaaat?

Were your husbands present when you gave birth?

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