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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go for a poo when DH is in the house?

262 replies

BupcakesandCunting · 26/11/2011 10:23

We've been together for ten years and I've only ever done a cack when he has been present once and that was only because I had norovirus and explosive shits.

My friends think I'm insane. I think that I am keeping some mystique alive in our relationship. My poo is pretty potent. He'd never want sex with me again if he smelt it.

I really need to go now. He is poncing about. I wish he'd hurry up and go out so that I can make a deposit. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
BupcakesandCunting · 28/11/2011 00:15

I am under no illusions that he doesn't know what I'm up to when I discover that we have run out of orange jelly and yes we DO need some right away. As long as he doesn't inhale my death bum fumes, I am fine.

No I DON'T need to go to Relate, you po-faced harpies.

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 28/11/2011 00:17

lmao bum fumes of death...

Mumcentreplus · 28/11/2011 00:19

everyone has bum fumes of death...tis natural

Original poster
BupcakesandCunting · 28/11/2011 00:21

Well, I thought so but according to this thread, if your shite stinks, your diet is baaaaad.

The things you learn! Today I have learned that my marriage is in dire straights and that my poo smells and this ain't normal. Must ring Relate tomorrow and start eating Chanel No.5.

OP posts:
jade80 · 28/11/2011 00:26

No, I'm not sure why people read on the loo either, I wasn't being serious, as I assumed you would gather from my 'books of choice'.

I still think it's nuts that the poor chap gets sent off on made up errands! Full credit to him for not putting his foot down earlier, and saying 'for christ's sake, just have a bloody shit won't you, I can't be arsed to go out in the cold and dark on your latest wild goose chase!' A tolerant bloke.

May I ask if you'd tolerate the same from him? ''Oh darling, could you just pop out for... um... arhh... some cornish brie? I'm desperate for it, RIGHT NOW!''

Mumcentreplus · 28/11/2011 00:28

hahaha..fuck me I must be in a right state too!!...poo stinks end of..it's waste ffs...I didn't fart or poo in front of my DH for quite a while but when I got pregnant the gas had to be released..and now we have been married 10 yrs when he hears the plop he runs for cover..Grin

Mumcentreplus · 28/11/2011 00:30

I was constipated as a child so i read alot on the toilet...

jade80 · 28/11/2011 00:31

That's fair enough, guess you'd get bored staring at the door otherwise! Not had that problem myself, I'm in and out in a minute or two!

Mumcentreplus · 28/11/2011 00:40

I now read shampoo and conditioner bottles Grin

Tianc · 28/11/2011 00:41

Och fgs woman, fit a decent extractor fan to your bathroom.

It'll stop fumes spreading elsewhere, as the air-flow will always be into the bathroom. And it'll clear the room nicely, especially if you leave the window open

You can knock a hole in the wall and put one in with pullcord. New bathrooms require them by building regs anyway.

Must be easier than dispatching your poor bloody DH into the night every time you need an untimely shit.

complexnumber · 28/11/2011 00:53

I worked in rural Nigeria for a while. I think I was constipated for about 10 day on arrival as I was horrified by the state of the loos.

After that I think I just said to my bum 'We can't keep this up for 2 years' and eventually I was able to crap pretty much anywhere.

Though I still shudder from the time a rat ran over my foot whilst I was in the process... I also had a lizard leap into my pants when I was squatting.

I'd love to go on...

SilveryMoon · 28/11/2011 02:14

I read on the loo. Only time I get to myself, and sometimes that's not even the case. The kids bang on the door until I let them in and then the cat sits on my shoulder. Having a poo in this house is hard work!

I've been trying to allow myself to go at work. I've managed twice in the past month.
Work toilets are cubicle so I'd rather not but I'm in so much pain when I hold it in that I'm trying to. Just go, but get embarrassed at the thought of anyone else coming in.

SilveryMoon · 28/11/2011 02:14

I read on the loo. Only time I get to myself, and sometimes that's not even the case. The kids bang on the door until I let them in and then the cat sits on my shoulder. Having a poo in this house is hard work!

I've been trying to allow myself to go at work. I've managed twice in the past month.
Work toilets are cubicle so I'd rather not but I'm in so much pain when I hold it in that I'm trying to. Just go, but get embarrassed at the thought of anyone else coming in.

dancingmustard · 28/11/2011 03:00

Hahahahhahahaha@ the cat sitting on your shoulder,mine does that and it pisses me off no end :)

I fold the toilet paper up and arrange them in a line on the rim of the bath.

OCD alert :o

AttillaTheMum · 28/11/2011 08:23

wow, my wife is asleep upstairs and as im off work today. i came down to look after our little girl. im so bored and after watching rara the lion and a few episodes of baby jake i thought id look at what she does on here. i can see what threads she has looked at and after looking at this thread im both horrified yet intrigued!

valiumredhead · 28/11/2011 08:32

I'd have my dh's knackers nailed to the garden gate if he ever posted under my username Atilla's dh - doubt she'll be happy when she finds out!

OP use bleach afterwards and open the window.

BoffinMum · 28/11/2011 08:45

Yes, you can't steal a username like that. Go incognito, something like AttillatheDad. Wink BoffinDad has his own login (although he only organised it in case I demanded to post up a live labour thread, it has to be said).

loopylou6 · 28/11/2011 08:55

Shock Mr Attila, is your wife ok with you being on here? She might have wanted to keep it to herself and you wouldn't want to be accused of snooping now would you?

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 28/11/2011 09:03

Oooohhhhh, AttillaTheDad, you may well find your bollocks in place of your eyeballs one morning for this crime Grin

Original poster
BupcakesandCunting · 28/11/2011 09:14

Ommmmm Attila's DH is in troooouuuuubllllle!

OP posts:
SilveryMoon · 28/11/2011 10:55

I had a poo at work this morning. Glad thid thread is here and I can tell someone.
People kept coming in and out but I stayed in cubicle until bathroom was empty.
Hate going at work

fifitot · 28/11/2011 11:02

I am amazed at some of these posts. i am a psychologist, some of you have issues!

openerofjars · 28/11/2011 11:09

Having had to follow DH into the bathroom this morning, I have totally changed my tune, and until we move to a house with two bathrooms, he is going to have to go out on poo errands. Never mind lighting a match or spraying air freshener, he needs to eat an air freshener.

PacificDogwood · 28/11/2011 13:18

My goodness, is this thread still going Shock!

Bupcakes, you might have thought that this is one of your more trivial threads, but you've clearly struck a chord Grin.

And yy, 'facilities' (and I use that work losely) in Africa would sort out anyone's defaecation issues...

AttillaTheMum · 28/11/2011 13:45

I don't mind.

I'm happy he is taking an interest in my 'other life' MN not poo