To not go for a poo when DH is in the house?

[BupcakesandCunting]

We've been together for ten years and I've only ever done a cack when he has been present once and that was only because I had norovirus and explosive shits.

My friends think I'm insane. I think that I am keeping some mystique alive in our relationship. My poo is pretty potent. He'd never want sex with me again if he smelt it.

I really need to go now. He is poncing about. I wish he'd hurry up and go out so that I can make a deposit. :(

I do!

Years of training, that. I've always had poo issues. Comes in handy on a twelve hour flight, I can tell you.

Yes. A real vision of '50s type feminity, me.

Leo Sayer fanjo fluff

It gets better and better.

So if you know it's an issue, why not try to address it?

You must know it's not healthy and you must know it needs sorting because we are all getting older and things change as we age.

What? You're saying that I'm going to get a saggy sphincter?

Is there a plastic surgery for that?

Oh FGS only just saw this...

''He'd never want sex with me again if he smelt it.''

How sad that you think he values you so little."

Are you familiar with hyperbole?

thoroughly buppers post of 09.06

:o

DP has just gone for his morning shit!
I will go in just after to deposit my own!
He thinks the smell is from him as I make a big deal of it!

Been doing this for 2 years!

Im a nurse though so the smell of someone else's shit is normal for me!

The most worrying aspect of this is surely it must mean you never enjoy a good curry with six pints of lager?

Hyperbole, isn't that something to do with american football?

Bupcakes, you cannot start a thread like this and then just wander off to leave us to froth and wonder about the state of your arse and your relationship .

You do whatever works for you, but 'tis odd...

Have you ever considered how you will cope when your DH retires and doesn't leave the house at 8am?...

MN-ing whilst pooing, Neoprene - that's proper multitasking! :)

Apparently if you strike a match in the room after you've had a poo, it gets rid of the smell.

It's a lie.

my dh got court short in a customers house who did'nt like him using the toilet (he is a builder ) he had no choice but to cack in a paint tin........it was farrow and ball (posh paint)and then he put it back on the shelf : )

Blimey how do you manage that! I never think twice about doing a poo when dh is in the house, I have IBS and it can happen just like that so it would be a disaster.

caught!!

oh pookle did you read that thread a few months ago about a poster who was as a tradesman asked to use the loo, and left a stink in her loo, therefore she asked if it was U not to let tradesman use her loo again. Most posters thought she was vvvvvvvvU and mad.

Ah see, I don't give a stuff about anyone else using my bog for a Forrest, tradesman or otherwise. One of my friends has children who love shitting in my house and store them up especially if they know they are coming here later in the day.

ooh pigletmania i will have search(it was'nt my dh )
is it wrong that i am finding this thread so funny : )

Well I'm glad that someone is! (finding it funny) It was only supposed to be a "come and guffaw at me being a div" type thread. Not come and dissect my marriage. I'm still pissed off, can you tell?

bupcakes have you got a steel door to your anus , I can imagine it only opening when you need to poo and are near a toilet, keeping tightly shut when your dh is in the house

A tip I read in Katie Boyle's column (only ancient crones like me will remember her) in the TV Times was to strike a match and let it burn down after you've ponged the bog out. It really does work - instant dissipation. Better than those vile synthetic floral air fresheners. I was shocked she came up with it, though - she was much posher than the Queen!

Give this a trial run, Bupcakes. Your husband will stop wondering why you keep trying to get rid of him (he'll start suspecting a lover) and your bowels will be happier.

OK am going to try the match thing in a minute. I went today in Sainsburys but need to go again :(

If it doesn't work, I am going to come down on you lot like a ton of bricks!

It's like those steel doors what slide open/shut on the Crystal Maze.