To not go for a poo when DH is in the house?

[BupcakesandCunting]

We've been together for ten years and I've only ever done a cack when he has been present once and that was only because I had norovirus and explosive shits.

My friends think I'm insane. I think that I am keeping some mystique alive in our relationship. My poo is pretty potent. He'd never want sex with me again if he smelt it.

I really need to go now. He is poncing about. I wish he'd hurry up and go out so that I can make a deposit. :(

My thoughts exactly, picnicbasketcase! Some of you are completely bonkers

I used to be like this but have recently decided it takes too much effort. Tell him your going for a poo, it's such a bloody relief after all the years of hiding it

I do not poo in public.
I do not poo in any other loo but mine.
I can poo in my own house. Not if someone is within lurking distance though.

IMO I am perfectly normal.

Sometimes when I'm having a poo DH will come and talk to me/ask me something, and vice versa Altho I wouldn't wipe infront of him, we also have fart competitions and burp comps, and long discussions about size/texture of our turds

There is really no shame between us.

I'd advise the bath/shower run technique, followed by open window, shut door.

This thread is hilarious.....I thout I had issues, now I know I am nearly normal compared to some of you lot

Bupcakes, you top the list of bonkers people on MN....my mind is boggling at the concept of not pooing whilst dh is in the house.....my dh would probably think I was having an affair if I skipped off out somewhere because I needed a poo

Pooing and farting are normal bodily functions....I won't use the loo in front of dh and if he is upstairs I would normally use the downstairs loo and vice versatile but that's the limit. I would much rather use my own loo than a public loo, I hate pooing out and about.

Matches are weirdly good at getting rid of any smells. No idea how, but they do.

PinkFondantFancy I am the same as you, hate having a poo at work when others are in the cubicles, if someone comes in I can often stop it but not all the time!

Not often I get an urgent one but when I do there would be no stopping it!

God this is hilarious! I really do not know how anyone can be with some for 10 years and not poo with them in the house!!! This is the man who has smelt your morning breath, presumably seen you give birth, and guess what?? He knows you poo!! Of course he knows you take a crap. It's ridiculous to avoid the issue and make false emergencies to get out of the house! My DH and I leave the door open when we take a dump and I am most proudif I have produced something i,pressive. The other day I had a shit that looked like Noel Edmonds... DH had to have a look and agreed.

I can not even say the word 'p...'. That word. Normally I can't even think it. I do, however, go when DP is in the same house, although I say "I'm going to the toilet" as opposed to "I'm going for a wee."

The first year or so that we loved together in a tiny tiny cardboard box of a flat where the walls were thinner than cheap Tesco printer paper, I had major issues. I could only go in the morning when the shower was on and then if I needed to go at any point after that... well tough. It would have to wait.

Four more years down the line and it is more relaxed. It has to be, really, because I get bouts of really bad runs and also because recently I have been having these dreams where I take all my clothes off. "What's wrong with that?" I hear you all cry. Well. Nothing, unless you are on your fecking period and a really heavy period. All over my nice new bed linen.

Having said that I could NEVER poo at work and hate it if they are even in earshot of me weeing... it's different with your husband though surely?!

My SIL will not poo in any other house than her own and once went mad at DH when he had to go for a poo at her house. And I mean utterly bugfuck crazy. DN has obviously unrelated terrible ishoos with constipation.

DH will not poo in anyone else's house than ours and his Dad's, but in both these places he is "safe" and will not only announce that he is "going to drop the kids off at the pool" but will then comment on it once back downstairs half an hour later. Grim.

I have clearly married into Poo Issues aristocracy.

Freud would have a field day with this thread

He'd be spinning is his effing grave!

Oh I have always got up early and brushed my teeth. I doubt even the DDs have ever smelt my monkey butt breath.

OMG openerofjars your SIL went nuts at DH for having a poo? How, dare I ask, did she even know? Does she have some sort of alarm?

And euuuwwww at the Noel Edmonds poo. I've had a Deal or No Deal board game sitting on my pile of ebaying stuff for a week, thank goodness I already sold and posted it because I would not be able to look at it again!

O. M. G.

Honestly. Get a grip, peeps.

Yes, given the choice I'd rather frequent my own clean loo. With the door closed. With a magazine .
However, a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do. When she has to do it. And I really don't see the big deal.

open does your sil never go on holiday?

I have only ever pooed outside my home once at work and when on holiday. I never pooed in front of ExH or any other man, nor have I in front of close female friends. I don't fart in company either.

Seems perfectly normal to me

Sorry to have little sympathy but this is nuts - you need to sort this out before the children pick up on this behaviour there will be even more problems. And what about when you're old and frail - what will happen then?

My suggested therapy is - spend a week wild CAMPING.

Even if I had never pooed in earshot/in front of DP, I never managed it while giving birth to my daughter, he was present at the birth and saw much worse than the tiny shit I left on the bed, which I saw the midwife take away in my gas and air induced haze. I wasn't embarrassed, I just wanted dd out!

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I think you are being daft but you clearly have your reasons but be careful it doesn't cause you bowel issues or spread to the children.

''He'd never want sex with me again if he smelt it.''

How sad that you think he values you so little. Especially as he probably wouldn't care at all.

The nutters on this thread need dropping somewhere a week's walk away from civilisation so they can get used to shitting behind a tree and be cured by the time they get home!

I can't begin to imagine how inconvenient it would be to plan life around the next shit.