To not go for a poo when DH is in the house?

[BupcakesandCunting]

We've been together for ten years and I've only ever done a cack when he has been present once and that was only because I had norovirus and explosive shits.

My friends think I'm insane. I think that I am keeping some mystique alive in our relationship. My poo is pretty potent. He'd never want sex with me again if he smelt it.

I really need to go now. He is poncing about. I wish he'd hurry up and go out so that I can make a deposit. :(

What do some of you mean by mystique?

I've been married more than twenty years. My DH has seen me birth five children. He's mopped my brow, cleaned up my sick and cleaned my stitches.

There is no mystique, we are not a couple of coy and inexperienced teens.

Agree, Hilary. It's pathetic, really. The whole idea that women should remain 'ladylike' and delicate. Do any of you closet poo-ers also refrain from doing any unladylike activities, like taking the rubbish out, changing a plug, or mowing the lawn, if your menfolk are watching? Wouldn't want to damage the mystique or give them the idea that you're a fully-functioning, fully capable woman.

You know what? I've never paid much attention to the idea of 'mystique' in our marriage. because I have a life and don't hate myself for normal bodily functions I'd suggest that it's a completely false notion, anyway. How many of your partners saw you give birth? Didn't that put paid to any mystique? But DH doesn't know what goes on inside my head and I don't really know what goes on inside his. That's 'mystique', if you like.

My DH plucks my chin hair for me when I can feel it but not see it

No mystique in marriage

Haven't read the whole thread, but you're telling me there are people who prefer the general public to know they've done a poo, but not their DH?

Mystique? Shit, I knew I had gone wrong somewhere.

I don't fart in front of my DH, if it is his turn

I have NEVER pooed in a public toilet. Yuck. Have many ishoos about pooing near strangers, but we're all merry pooers in my house. Mystique - pah!

So, all you Marriage Mystiquers. Do you always appear made up, fresh and shaved and plucked?

What happens if one of you becomes ill? How would that work?

My dh is the cot pooer in our house. I don't fart in front of him as a rule bur that is because I don't do it in front of anyone.
I'm assuming it's not because dh is being ladylike he also doesn't change any plugs or mow the lawn I'm far better at those things.
When we all moved in together dd loved to say "good poo?" when he'd been ages in the toilet. He can't explain why he is so coy about it and I actually love watching him when I'm trying to decide whether I should go brush my teeth first at bedtime by enquiring whether he is going for a poo or not (he takes AGES)

Oh god, I fart like a trooper and go when i need to, as does he. Knowing such personal things about each other and still loving each other is I think part of the "next level" of intimacy .

The door has to be shut. No open doors ...

Oh, and do you make sure you get home from work an hour before him so you can check that the house is perfect, and can shower and change into something alluring?

Good grief - hasn't he noticed you haven't poo-ed for ten years? [pood? Poo-ed? what in the hell is the past tense of 'to poo'?].

Has he seen you give birth? What if one of you gets ill, won't you let him see you then? No mystique here either

YANBU OP. I'm also with the no-pooing-in-front-of-DH brigade. Poo is decidedly unsexy for the majority of people and it's not difficult to be a bit subtle about it (as already mentioned, run a bath etc). I'm one of those who finds farting embarrassing and not funny, so that one's also out.
Never mastered the technique of the public loo hovering, though!

Freud would have a field day with this thread.

bupcakes I poo when my husband is brushing his teeth in front of me.... and wipe my bum and everything sometimes he can just be standing in the bathroom squeezing a spot in front of the mirror while I poo, waiting for me to finish so he can poo next....we're a really poo-y family

It's a bodily function. Nothing weird or embarrassing about it.

There is q big difference between not pooing when dp is in the room, and not pooing when dp is in the house!

How sad to feel so inhibited in a relationship. How would you ever cope if you became ill or disabled? Greeneyes, I must get DH trained up to pluck my chin hairs too.

The first is normal. The second is bonkers not!

I guess anal sex isn't on the agenda for you guys then.

YABU, evryone has to poo and he knows you do it,

So, all you Marriage Mystiquers. Do you always appear made up, fresh and shaved and plucked?

hell yeah pretty much

DH saw me give birth but i had a planned c/s so was all tres civilised

Ahh, MN. People who are happy to discuss their pooing habits on the interweb to millions but doesn't want their long term partner to know they poo at all.

You lovely bunch of loons.

I'm also a non pooer haha I was married for 10 years and didn't fart or anything in front of my husband.. I recently remarried after being with my new partner for 2 years and it's the same I'm a 100% non farter or pooer... My new husband does think its slightly strange as its "natural" but I can't help thinking if I suddenly start farting away he wouldn't ever look at me the same hahaha

CS civilised? I don't think so! Your dp would have been able to see more than you realise and there is nothing civilised about a catheter and bag! Was he press when you had your first shower?

Sorry but you non pooers are all mad as a box of frogs.

I don't get the idea that some prefer to use a public loo (and ones in pubs/supermarkets are usually quite manky and not soundproof exposed, IME) than their own loo?

Why is that?!

I use public loos a lot more than I used to - pregnancy sorted that issue out for me!