To not go for a poo when DH is in the house?

[BupcakesandCunting]

We've been together for ten years and I've only ever done a cack when he has been present once and that was only because I had norovirus and explosive shits.

My friends think I'm insane. I think that I am keeping some mystique alive in our relationship. My poo is pretty potent. He'd never want sex with me again if he smelt it.

I really need to go now. He is poncing about. I wish he'd hurry up and go out so that I can make a deposit. :(

How on earth have you kept that up for 10 years?? What happens on the days he doesn't go out?? Do you clench all day??

SO many questions!

And that is what running a bath/shower is for. Or tell him you're going up to sort out the washing.

Just do it Bups, even I can manage a poo with someone else in the house, and I have poo ishoos too.

Ha! I'm the same.

Well I can sometimes 'going for a bath and a relax don't want to be disturbed ok?' but only when I know he's two floors below and not likely to come upstairs for fear of my hellish wrath disturbing the little one in bed.

dunno how you have managed over the 10 years, I poo with the door open

I have done things like invented urgently needed items from the shop in order to get him out of the house in the past. One time, he wouldn't budge and I REALLY needed a shit so I had to invent an urgently needed item and go out and get it and I had to stop en route at the pub and do it in there. :( Then I had the conundrum of working out what item could be urgently needed at 9pm. I think he was confused when I went back home clutching a tub of reduced fat creme fraiche.

Oh God, I've done a bath-run/shit double whammy before and almost got caught out. He started hammering on the door saying that he'd left his book in there and why had I locked the door.

He really needs to be out of the house before I can have a nice relaxing poo.

I only really poo when alone in house, or while running a bath, so door locked, bath running, poo, open windows, have bath, done.

He does actually already know that you shit. He's probably completely baffled that you won't crap when he's in the house, and views your poo ishoos with a small dose of mirth.

Just go and poo ffs. Or I shall break in one night and replace all the chocolate in your house with laxative stuff.

That is the weirdest thing I have ever heard. I thought people who didn't fart In front of their partners were strange ones.

If you're worried about the smell, light a match.

I don't fart in front of people. You calling me strange?

My sister fit a year into marriage without pooing when her husband was home. She used to invent reasons to go to Tesco and do it there. When my other sister and I found out, we told her husband and he made it his mission to catch her out. 5 yrs later, he has come to the conclusion that she is an android who doesn't poo.

Oh no I don't fart in front of DH either. I know some people think it's weird but that's just how I am.

And I haven't exploded yet, I'm not in constant pain from holding it in, I'm not frigid and I have a close loving relationship with DH. I just can't fart in front of anyone

I'm archetypal 'anal'.

I wonder if Bups has managed to see off her DH and is now having her crap?

I don't fart in front of people including my husband - it's called being polite

There is a difference between trying not to fqrt in someone else's presence (which is basic good manners) and not having a shit in the bathroom with the door locked while someone else is in the same house!!!!!!

And as for "keeping some mystique alive in our relationship"............give me strength!

YABU - how isit nicer to poo in a public toilet than in your own home?

Ewwwww I try to avoid pooing in a public toilet!!

How on earth have you managed this for 10 years??

He knows.
You know he knows (deep down)
He knows you know he knows.

This is knows as Avoidance Behaviour - you can get help, you know. If you want.

I'd never manage anything like that as I go first thing in the morning. Without fail. Before breakfast. I appreciate having door open for anybody to wander in and out is not everybody's idea of privacy, but only being able to go when alone in the house... - that's v limiting.

I don't fart in front of DH; doesn't seem to stop him though

I wish my DH followed the same rules, he won't even spray air freshener after doing a poo

Oh, I'd forgotten! There's that other band of weirdoes people who will only poo in their own loo at home. What happens if the same person has both sorts of bonkersness quirk?

I am six months into a new relationship and have not yet pooed in earshot of my partner.

I am fortuate in that I am quite, ahem, regular (first thing in the morning) SO I very kindly offer to make us both a cup of tea, go downstairs and do it in the downstairs loo.

My ex-husband had no hang-ups about any of this - he would happily take a comfy dump right next to me whilst I was in the bath. Very, very wrong.

I am pooing at the moment. DH is in next room.

"My husband won't let me fart in front of him". Whaaaaat?

Were your husbands present when you gave birth?