to not want DP to go on this stag do?

[thatspanishgirl]

Just need some outside opinions, please.

DP's best friend is getting married and they've decided to have a holiday instead of the normal night down the bar. This is sort of a tradition with their group of friends - any time one gets married they all take a 3 or 4 day break to Spain or somewhere similar. I've never had a problem with this - DP works hard and deserves a few days away.

But, DP's BF has decided that 4 days isn't long enough obviously and they need to go away for two weeks! I'm not happy with this as the holiday will be at the end of January - when, praying all is well, we will have a 4 week old baby.

DP doesn't see this as a problem as he will be here for the birth, the first couple of weeks and "after all, they don't really do much at that age, do they?" Well no maybe they don't but I would still like him here, with us, spending our first couple of months as a family.

Added to this, they're going to Turkey this year so if anything was to go wrong then he'd be a 5 and a half hour flight away. Of course he reckons this isn't a problem and he can get home asap if needed.

What do you think?

YANBU

I'm amazed that anyone would think this was reasonable.

OP - do show this to your DP. OP's DP - if you go, leaving her when she'll need you the most she's ever needed you in your time together, she'll never fully forgive you. Ever. This will grate and she'll resent you forever. You just can't get over being abandoned when you are at your lowest, she will be at her lowest ever at that point. She will be still recovering from what is a major trauma to her body. She might not be able to physically cope without you there to help her.

You really can't leave her for one night before the first 6 weeks are up. It's not in the easy times when you show what sort of man you are, it's when things are hellish that you show what sort of man you are.

If DH did this, I would have thrown him out, there's no way our marriage could have survived that.

Quite frankly, him even entertaining the idea would suggest to me that he's not as committed to the family as he should be. That alone would be sowing the seeds of doubt about this relationship's long term chances.

OP - good luck. I hope he comes to his senses (can you suggest he talks to some of his other friends who have DCs and ask for honest descriptions of the first month, might be a bit of an eye opener).

Just asked DH - would you go on a 2 week stag do, in January, to Turkey. I didn't even mention the baby.

He said WTF and nearly choked on his beer. Then he put on serious face like this and said 'that is so a whitewash job... where is he really going?... I smell bullshit'

I have to come on here again, for the fourth time, to shout YANBU! HE SHOULD NOT LEAVE YOU EVEN FOR ONE NIGHT (imho)

No,you are not BU. It's a way too long. That is a proper holiday,not just a fun friends gathering. Considering aswell that you will just give a birth it's way out of order. He really thinks that's ok for him to do? No. Explain to him why you don't agree and see from there what is his opinion and reason why he thinks that is ok!! Who is paying for those two weeks? With a new baby it's a big chunk of ££££...

YANBU

My dh went on a stag when dd was 4 months for 3 nights in Ibiza and I almost kicked him out because of it. He shouldn't go at all imo, your 4 week old is also his responsibility.

This new holiday/stag/hen fad is really getting on my tits nerves. Weddings last a day and that's the most important day it's for showing how much you love your other half, why need a 2 week bender before??

LydiaWickham is right, even for those 3 nights I have never forgiven my dh.

YA Soooooo NBU!

Just for the record - one of my DP's friends had his stag do booked for months. As soon as DP found out it was the weekend before my due date, he cancelled all of the arrangements that involved him. When they kicked up a fuss he told them to fuck off to the far end of fuck, and said that I was more important. smug at having a wonderful DP

I actively encouraged him to go - he would have enjoyed himself! - but he refused point-blank.

I told him about this thread and he was absolutely agog. You could hear the thump as his jaw fell.

My first DC was two weeks late and I had to be induced and ended up having an emergency CS.

There is no way that your 'D'H should consider leaving you at all! Not for a minute, not a day, or 2, or 4, or two weeks? YADNBU!

DH is still saying... 'there is more to this this than meets the eye'

Leaving you with a 4 week old baby. Wanker!!!

He's a twat for even suggesting it.

If he were my son or son-in-law he would get the biggest kick up the backside he'd ever experienced.

I'd actually have an issue with 4 days with a new baby.
If he really thinks his friends are more important than his family then I suggest OP, that you have some serious thinking to do.

Another here whose first DC was two weeks late, had a very long labour, then EMCS. In hospital for 5 days (many years ago!), but then had to cope with new baby, thought I would be able to breastfeed, couldn't as DC very lazy, I couldn't get out of bed for first couple of days. Go home - Help! didn't know what to do with brand new baby. I wouldn't have been able to cope if DH had left 7 days after I came home. I wasn't allowed to drive for 6 weeks. I remember the first walk I took which went up a hill. I wasn't even pushing the pram, DH was.

DH went away for 13 days when DS 5 weeks old. It was really tough for me. He had to go (work) I'd not of been impressed if he was going on a blokes holiday.

Ask him what his reaction would be if you said you wanted to go off on a two week holiday "with the girls" when baby is 2 weeks old...

To add, I just don't get all this stag holiday business. Stag weekend maybe but a holiday??!! If my DH suggested he went off on a 2 week holiday at any time whilst the children are little, let alone when I'd just given birth, it would raise all sorts of questions in my head about whether I wanted to be with him any longer or not. If he actually did go then I would divorce him. Again, a case of a man thinking he can do what the fuck he wants and that the woman will pick up the slack.

I asked DH too about this, without even mentioning the baby as a factor. He said a two week stag do is completely ridiculous and inappropriate. YANBU.

Another one here who asked dh about two week stag do without mentioning the baby. He said it was ridiculous.

Once I mentioned the baby he was appalled.

BTW - what the fuck is the groom doing expecting people to use up 2 weeks of their precious holiday allowance on him??? DH gets 5 weeks a year, take out 2 weeks in the summer for a family holiday, and that would only give him 5 days to take at some other point in the year, it better not be a fucking weekday wedding expecting people to take more holiday time for it!!!! (Honestly, there's no way DH would take 2 weeks in January, unless it involved being able to throw himself down a mountain with a board attached to his feet)

If your baby was late, your DP could reasonably have his 2 weeks paternity leave, followed by this 2 weeks holiday, could his Dad really manage with him being out for a whole month? You know what will happen if that's not possible, he'll cancel paternity leave.

I'd be so angry at DH for even considering it, let alone going.

Sorry, only getting on to reply now.

DP and I talked, I told him of my concerns and he said he didn't know I'd be this upset by it all despite the fact that I told him I didn't want him to go as soon as he informed me of the plans. He said that obviously he wouldn't go if the baby was late but apparently if everything is fine, baby arrives around the correct date, health-wise we are okay then it should be fine for him to go.

At this point, I'm not even ashamed to say, I lost it a bit. I had a shout and a cry and he did genuinely seem shocked. I told him that I had posted here today and I read my OP and a few posts which I had highlighted earlier. He has apologized many times since and will talk to his BF tomorrow.

To posters who were asking about paternity leave (on the next page now so can't see your usernames, sorry!) DP works for his dad. I mentioned in another post about FIL pushing DP to go and had told him he could have two weeks off along with the time he was getting off anyway. According to FIL I can cope perfectly fine and DP should go and have fun before the baby grows up and he can't just come and go. Twat.

I just want to say a huge thank you again to everyone who posted here, it's been a long and emotional day but you have all been brilliant. There are a few people in particular who I am going to PM.

wow fil is an entitled, deluded, chauvanistic, exp;etive deleted piece of work isn't he.

Oh bless you OP - I am glad he has seen sense.

Your FIL is a wally, can you get your MIL on side (or is she a silly bugger as well?).

So glad to read this. I was following thread but others had said things so much better (and I'm due my first in 6weeks so I have no idea what it'll really be like).